need some major guidance
Man, I am so glad I found a website that could possibly help me out with this. I have been married for a grand total of 5 weeks now to a wonderful 22 year old man. He is a great lover, provider and step father for my children. (I am 31 years old by the way.) There is one problem we have encountered and after numerous discussions with my husband, I do not know how to deal with this. I am not even sure how to believe him. This is why I am seeking some guidance. My husband and I met a year ago on the internet. We fell in love with each other instantly. After he was living with me for a few months, I was on his computer and made a horrific discovery. He had some video clips saved on his computer of normal everyday girls on Yahoo showing their breasts and vaginas. (Can I say that on here?) I added a few of them to my buddy list and managed to get in touch with them. They said what my husband was doing was sending them a request to view their webcam. Then he would proceed to threaten them. He would tell them to show him something or he was going to hack their computer. (Whether he can really do it or not is another story. I don't think that he can.) Strangely enough, I found out at that moment that the person who did it to me the night I met him online was him. He openly admitted it that he did do it to me also. I got over it when he explained why he does this. Supposedly, he was molested by a woman between the ages of 13 and 19. Nobody knows about it except for me, a couple of his friends that he confided in, and maybe 2 other women on the internet that he opened up when they asked why he did this stuff to them. He says doing that to other girl makes him feel powerful and he feels like he gets revenge. He says he imagines that the girls on the webcams are the woman who molested him. He never told his parents, siblings or the cops because he was afraid nobody would believe a 13 year old, much less a 19 year old boy could be molested by an older woman. I believed him when he first told me about it. But after reading some forums about other men's behaviors, I am starting to wonder. He does admit that he has a problem but flat out refuses to go talk to someone professional about it. I myself can not accept this behavior. He stopped doing it for about 3 months when we did not have a computer. When we got a computer again, he promised he wouldn't do this anymore. Well, 3 times of promising and he's still doing it. I am just really confused about why he does it. I can't decipher whether it's because of the supposed molestation or because he's just a pervert. He does claim that he does not "get off" while looking at these cams but it's hard to believe that a 22 year old male wouldn't get off on some of the stuff I have seen. Has anyone else ever heard of a male victim behaving in this matter? What I mean is, doing this kind of stuff on the computer. Oh, by the way, we have a very normal sex life. He always go out of his way to please me and gets upset if he doesn't. He also does not display any hyper male behavior, nor is he flirty with other women. In fact, he is a very quiet person and pretty much stays to himself. He's either sleeping, working, playing playstation or on the computer. He usually gets on the computer when I am not here. I get very angry when I find these things on his computer. And maybe as a wife I am not dealing with it appropriately. Any advice or information anyone can give will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.