Need some help, triggers

[fusionoflove]

Hey everyone, I haven't posted here in a few months, but I need some help. I've been seeing this woman for about a month now. She rocks my world. Lucky for me, she feels the same way. I'm 26, she's 22. After a long night of hanging out we both told each other about our past abuse. How much it's screwed with our lives, etc?

Well, about a week later, last night to be exact, we had sex. For me, I still have racing thoughts, etc to the abuse, but I'm good at hiding it and controlling it. With her it's a different story. She broke down crying in the middle of it. Told me to hold her arms down, cover her mouth with my hand. I stopped, but she told me to continue. I felt bad, but ended up complying. I did it in the most gentle way I knew how. After it was over I went to the living room and cried. I told her I can't have sex like that ever again. It made me feel like an abuser. I like to make love, sex is meaningless. It's just skin against skin.

We're very open with each other. I told her that I don't care when we have sex again. I just want both of us in the right state of mind. I'm serious when I say this, I don't care if it takes years. This woman is that special to me. I knew from the moment we first hung out. Sex was the last thing on my mind with her. That's how I knew that I dug her.

Well, the help I need is pretty simple. Are there any great sites out there geared towards women or partners of female rape victims. I don't want to push her into getting help or to deal with her problems right away, but I want to learn just as much about the subject as I can.

Any help would be appreciated. By the way, I still haven't had a panic attack in almost a year and I did it without meds. A friend, a woman a few years older than said the other night, wow, I think you've really moved past what happened to you. I said, no I haven't. I just know how to hide it and I know that in the end I'll be alright.

Thanks for reading this,
Fusion

 

[ForeverFighting]

I've heard that troubled people find each other. I know that's true with my wife and me. She was CSA by her dad most of her life at home. It's so horrible to hear her talk about it. I can't help but feel like the SA I went through was nothing compared to her past. And yet, I'm the one who seems to have reacted more to it.

We've been married 15 years, and now she's suddenly starting to open up about it. It's hard for me to listen to, but it draws us so much closer. We've started having sex on a regular, normal basis, and it's like all the abuse issues have melted into the background. Not in that order. It's been by talking about it, getting it out in the open between us that has taken the reenactments and flashbacks out of sex.

I know you had a terrible choice to make. And yes, that would have made me feel like an abuser, too. Probably if you hadn't had your own SA history, you wouldn't have felt the obligation to comply. Just a guess. And I agree with what you're saying, that as long as the reenactments are part of her experience of sex, it doesn't have to happen at all. I think that was a very kind, loving gesture on your part.

I don't know of the sites for women, but I do know there are hundreds. As opposed to this one good site for men. It should be no problem finding a good one for her. But talking to you is probably the best thing that's ever happened for her. I'm proud of the way you're handling the aftermath. I know you know this, but you don't have to hide anymore. Showing your true feelings to her may help her do the same.

Hang in there. I hope everything works out for you.