need some help from my bros...

need some help from my bros...
A

ARW

Registrant
I began sex therapy recently in addition to my main T, which has taken me a quarter century to get around to, and is a great help. She said if i mention the name of the perp in full, she legally has to report him. It got me thinking. He'd be about 55 or so, and if alive, which i imagine he is, and not arrested, which being a clever monster, i imagine he isn't, then he's gotta be up to some horrible shit. And yet...I'm paralyzed. I know the correct response; i don't owe anyone doing this until i'm ready, etc. but if he's doing anything like what he was doing when I was stuck with him, there could be kids getting abused and possibly killed. the thought of that freaks me out.

I've looked around the site here a lot for what the procedure is. I'm just fucking terrified at the thought of seeing him and being dragged into anything involving him. has anyone else here overcome this paralysis and what did it? what was the first step for some of you if this is in your experience?

as ever, thanks from the heart.

Alex
 
I was sort of dragged into it. I'd told school, they'd brought me to the hospital, they'd called the police, and so I didn't really have to turn him in myself.
But yes i'm terribly afraid of the trial. What if I'm gonna have to say something, what if they'd want to question me, what if I'd have to s them again.
It's difficult.
Yet you're also right about the possibility that he's harming other kids.
It's a difficult dilemma. I guess, take your time, maybe explain your dilemma to your t.

Alexander
 
Alex - I reported it to the police 2 years ago, and it resulted in a conviction earlier this year. I was abused in 1969 when I was 12 and he was 32.

I reported it because I got to the stage where I no longer felt like I had any other option. I did it for my sanity. I was lucky, I accidentaly met the right policeman at the time I wanted to tell.

I don't think there is any right or wrong way to deal with this. It is your decision to do whatever is right for you, when the time is right.

I am so relieved that I did it. Life is still not perfect, but my anxiety levels are so much lower now.

Best wishes ...Rik
 
TRIGGERS MAYBE, I DON'T KNOW:

Holy moley, I'm shaking. I think I just talked to the fucker. almost thirty years. found out his whereabouts by sleuthing online and called him. shaking.

found another acquaintance who knew him and still lives in the area. emailed him (thank God for myspace) and then i'll know for sure i think. christ this is fucking scary. I'm gonna go after that fucker tho. This is a good step for me.
 
ARW,

Does LA mean your from Los Angeles? If so California has an annomoyous way you can report this. 30 years passed since the abuse when I reported to the respective agency. I forget what the phone number is but I looked it up on the web for the county that my abuse occurred. Even if you are not in California then maybe your state has a similar option. This reporting format generates 2 reports, both annonymous. One goes to social service and the other to the police. I was told either service could act on the report. But the likelyhood of the police following up with only one report especially 30 years after the fact was low. However, if someone else had a report than the police would most definitely act on it.

It was a difficult phone call because they tried to get information that would be helpful ... not graphic details ... but names, addresses, phone numbers of the perps. Where it occurred. I did have a sense of relief that I reported the abuse and that it was now tied to my abusers. While I don't have the satisfaction of confronting them through the legal system this was the next best option and the safest option at this point in time. It's been over a year since I made the phone call to report my abuse. I have not heard back from the agency ... here I'm reinforcing that my annoyminity was kept ... the trade off is that I could not call back to see if anything was done about my report ... I would have to forgoe my annoyminity for that.


Courage-Spirituality-Wisdom
 
this one is easy just let his name slip out to your t and let her report it .
 
Alex

You know who one of my perps is. For me it was one of two choices it was either disclose or die a slow painful death by way of my addictions. I had been clean and sober six years when I decided to tell the police about my original abuser and that was made easier for me as he had been arrested in the Czech Republic (no it was not King but his onetime close sidekick Chris Denning) but previous to that three years after my last drink the news broke that Gary Glitter had been arrested for downloading indecent images of children this was November 1997 so I had from then till May 2000 to suffer the increase in flashbacks and triggers plus I was at university as well, I managed to stay off the booze and drugs but it became so bloody painful that I felt myself slipping back to that hell that is addiction and I really did not want to go back there so I thought enough is enough these perps have ruled my life for so long its about time I did something about it. So I did and the rest as they say is history. Some people say I was brave and I am gradually coming round to that way of thinking but at the time I really did think I had no choice, it was either speak up or die. Staying quiet and drinkng myself to death was no option.

Take it easy

Kirk
"Lets grab this bull by the horns and swing it about a bit"
 
Alex,

Bravo, Buddy. Remarkable courage. I'd like to be able to take on the ones who abused me, but that option is no longer available to me since both have assumed room temperature (YES!).

Be prepared for some real ups and down in this process, and don't forget we're all here to support you.

Lots of love,

John
 
I admire all of you guys. I am not even able to confront my abusers and here you guys are working on putting them behind bars. I feel guilty to an extent that I am not able to do that. I do not think I could handle a trial and I do not have a lot of memories and if it went to trial and they threw it out due to me not being able to remember due to repressed memories I think it would throw me back year and years in my recovery. I wish I was stronger and had more memories.

Josh
 
Josh, this is not something to feel guilty about. Not to play the age card, but when I was your age I was still years and years away from having the courage to seek help or come to a site like this or anything. And I don't feel guilty about that anymore. I don't even feel bad about it. Its my journey, I take as much of the road as I can handle at a time. We all do. And I may step back before continuing with the perp, or I may go ahead with it right now at this point in time. I don't know for sure, and I'm cool with that.

I hear you on the memories issue. I have very few, but plenty to make a picture. And it does concern me what will come back once I crack this sealed vault back open. But I'm ready for that now.

Bottom line, don't wish you were stronger, pat yourelf on the back for being strong enough to be here and dealing in whatever way with your past. That's mighty strong, bro.

Alex
 
GIVE THEM HIS NAME AND ANY OTHER INFO THAT YOU HAVE ON THIS PERVERTED SOB .
 
Found another link in the chain. Another kid who hung with me and the perp back in the day.

I'm going to nail him to a wall.
 
Alex,

beware of the dos and donts of confrontation.
You have to put your own state of mind first, but if there are others, maybe they could slip his name.
Dont take the law into your own hands, there are many ways of getting even with them, anonymous letters etc., not threats.

I hope you find the courage,

ste
 
No, no threats. I'm talking to my T about the proper channels, etc. I'm not even sure if I will do anything for the moment except sit with what it feels like to even be considering letting this monster anywhere near my sphere of existence again. That's enough for right now, while I gather more info.

Alex
 
Alright, these things take time so I wouldn't rush anything until you feel ready. There is really no first step when I experienced that feeling of not even wanting to be drug into anything with the waste of oxygen that got to me. However, when I was ready, I used my anger as motivation, as well as my willingness help prevent my perp from doing we he does to other children. I confronted my perp when I was 20 and then exposed him anyway I could. Told his boss who ran a boys home for children with sexual disorders (imagin that, my perp working there) about his preference for little boys and wrote a descriptive statement to the Sheriff's office about what he did to me. However, I wasn't ready to take him to court and I don't know if I have anything on him that would hold up in court. I know you'd like to help out and maybe put a wrench in his schemes and I'm sure you will when your ready. This things happen gradually though. You probably won't notice the changes as they happen but in hindsight, you will look back and realize how much better you feel.

Jason
 
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