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bast_bloodmoon

New Registrant
Hi...
I'm a female survivor of sexual abuse, and I recently found out that my fiance' was brutally raped when he was eight years old.I could really use some info on how men react to sexual abuse and rape.
I could also use some support with this.I'm somewhere between grief and anger on this.My counseler told me it would be a good idea to share with others, so I don't have to bear the weight on my own.
So, any info anyone could give me would be of great help.Also, feel free to email me at [email protected]
Blessed Be-
Bast
 
Dear Bast,
Sorry to hear about your old man but glad that you found out before you got married! Being a survivor of a hard core rape at 8yo can be pretty rough on a guy...did he always remember it or did he dissocate????...being so young..he may be DID-MPD...have one or more other people in his head! You can learn the most from reading the post...you will see that we all are about the same...the want and need to have sex with other men is always there...some wear theirselfs out fighting it off...some go with the flow. The only important thing right now is that you get him some real good help...make him go to a therapist...before you get married...to help him and to help you find out where he is at...rapeing young boys himself, discreeting in love with a boyfriend, acting it out in the back rooms of book stores, DID with some bad Parts, or just having a tough time dealing with his life???? Guys that were raped big time a 8yo have problems..No 2 ways about it!!! I was 11yo and I'm having all kinds of problems, just staying alive wears me out and my wife too...it is very hard on her...talk to her "Babs" and make him go to a therapist that works with SA Males!!! Good luck..nice to see someone else from MD here!

Eddie
 
Bast
I was chatting with a therapist who deals solely with adults survivors of SA tonight and we were discussing just how similar male SA survivors can be, but it's a very broad "similar" if you get my drift.
Certain things seem to crop up with such regularity that it might create the impression that it's just a case of reaching for a text book and working through it, but it isn't that easy. Fantasies, acting out, PTST, depression- the list goes on, all this kind of stuff happens to us, but some more than others, and naturally we react differently.
I've been active on my recovery for about 4 years and some of the stuff I read here is so relevent to my situation it frightens me.
There aren't any bullshitters here, we talk bluntly and thoughtfully about our situations so others might gain something. When we feel shitty we just say so, we dont automatically expect support but we get it.
As Eddie says ,read the posts and you'll discover so much. There's so much information and inspiriration here, and if you feel you need something more, please ask.

But it's no substitute for good therapy and loads of hard work.
Good luck
Lloydy
 
HI BAST...I FULLY AGREE WITH EDDIE AND LLOYDY THAT HE NEEDS HELP. YOU CAN SUPPORT HIM, THATS GREAT. BUT HE HAS TO DO IT HIMSELF, AND SEEK THERAPY....NOW, FOR HIS OWN SANITY. I'M 54, MALE AND I WAITED TOO LONG FOR HELP. IT WASN'T UNTIL I WAS ABOUT 45 WHEN I SOUGHT OUT A GOOD SHRINK.MY ABUSE STARTED WHEN I WAS 5. DON'T BE DISCOURAGED IF WE TELL YOU THINGS BLUNTLY, IT'S JUST HOW SOME OF US FEEL AT THE TIME. GOOD LUCK.....SLEEP WELL TONIGHT.....SCOT
 
Hey Guys, thank you for sharing your experiences and advice with me, I really appreciate it.I've talked to me fiance' about seeing a therapist and he's seemed almost relieved that I brought it up.He wants to go.
I know for certain he has depression, and he may even have PTSD.He's told me when he has felt guilty about having fantasies about other men, but I don't pound on him about it, since it is understandable.He hasn't acted out these fantasies, and we have a healthy sex-life.
It's only recently that he started remembering these memories, so I'm at least glad about these things:
1.He was willing to trust me with the information
2.That we have stayed together throught this..
and
3.That we caught this early enough so hopefully the reprecussions on him won't rip him apart like it has so many others.
Once again, I really appreciate the help I've recieved from you guys, especially since this is my first visit!
And always remember that you are very brave and strong for having survived.
I love ny fiance' very much, and I'm so glad that there are others who can help me help him.It might be a hard journey, but it's going to be worth it.
*hugs*
-Bast
 
thanks Bast, it's not going to be an easy ride for either of you.
Look after yourself.
Lloydy
 
Dear Bast,
I hate to sound so negative...NOT...But if he has just started to recover memoies...then you are in for the ride of your lives!!! I started 21 months ago and the flashbacks are just stopping now...not completely but down to only a few a week..but I take lots of meds! My wife is in therapy and is trying to figger out if and when she will leave me! It's going to be very hard on him and maybe too much for you to handle...please get you own therapist ..NOW...if you want to stay together...you will really need one...he will drive you nuts by making you a "Codependent"..read up on this...it will drain every bit of energy for you and fry your brains out!!! BUT...He will need the help..if you hang in there!!!!!!!!!!! I wish both of you all the luck in the world...Just get a therapist for yourself too...you will be thankfull down the road! Sex may be good now but look out...here comes the PTSD..I slowly lost the use of my thing and that hurts the most!!! Guess I will shut up befoe we both shoot ourselfs...Bye and again..Good Luck!

Eddie
 
Bast
Eddies right, look after number 1. Without your sanity neither of you will be any good.
I swear by the maxim, "be fucking selfish !"
NOT in a nasty way, but in a way that protects yourself. Give yourself space and time to deal with your own problems. Then you can help your partner.
Lloydy
:)

[ May 25, 2002: Message edited by: Lloydy ]
 
Tinfoil,
I was just joking but I'm sure that you're not...You don't think that you need the help of a therapist and meds but I'm also sure that everyone else here does think that you need help...BIGTIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who are you to put people down and say that they aren't telling the truth???????? Your mother did fuck your mind up and now we have to put up with this all brat...Why does NOMSV put up with your shit???? Complain...I just got started!!!

Eddie
 
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