oob,
Welcome, good question!! I like your style already dude.
I read what you wrote and it took me back like 25 years or so ago when i was a total basket case and i was seeing this physichiatrist, he tells me one day that i need to let myself get mad at my stepdad for abusing me, i remember hearing him say the words and looking at him totally dumbfounded, i recall just staring at him and saying *huh?*
It like made absolutely no sense to me at all, none. I took in what he said and it was not until years later that i even started to get glimpses of how much i had been hurt, i eventually got to the anger, but for me it was a long slow journey. The anger was brewing inside of me the whole time and i know it popped its head up from time to time,that might be whats going on with you and your girlfriend, i know for me i have always had a much easier time getting angry at the people closest to me, somehow it is safer or something.
And as far as the abuse goes, there were a lot of parts of it that i liked, i mean face it, it felt good, there were also a lot of parts of it i did not like, i mean face it, it hurt bad at times. The point is that whether you liked it or not has nothing to do with anything, if any of us had adult brains and the knowledge to understand the damage that was being done to our brains and beings we would have run screaming for help to anyone and everyone around, the reality is we were trusting kids that were doing what we had been taught, to obey our parents, to be good little boys, ah yes, we were taken advantage of weren't we?
As far as advice, a therapist is always a good idea, face it, what happened was a trauma, and it needs to be sorted out and gone through, well, for me anyways.
I wish you the best, i hope your comfy here and you stick around some, ok?
John
