Narcissism

Narcissism
O

OCN

Registrant
In the past i've read books by A.H. Almaas with great interest. Since i'm studying Buddhism, i haven't really read other books but yesterday i took a look in a book by Almaas called the point of existence. The page i randomly opened dealt with finding out about the narcisstic tendencies and how to overcome them. This lead to some contemplation on this subject and the more i thought about it, the more i realize how much narcissistic tendencies ive got.

Its possible that i took/copied these tendencies from my perp or from my parents, but i guess that it's of no use for my healing. I guess i developed these tendencies to cope with what had happened: a total loss of control and power.
So i developed like this because i didn't have control anymore. And to give myself the feeling of power and control, i internalized all these processes and made everything part of my world.

Now that i recognize this, it's all very double. At the one hand i'm very happy that i recognize this truth cause it helps me to deal with and overcome my suffering concerning the issues of power and control. Even here on MS i noticed that in most of my replies i tend to turn the story towards me. For me it's highly confusing and thats the other part. In Buddhism there is the general understanding that there is no such thing as a separate self. And yet, here i am pretending the world inside resolves around me and that there is no outside world.

So in a way i was shocked to see that there was a user (who sadly passed away) named Life is a Dream. Life is a dream was the one thing which was very close to me, one of my deepest insights which caused an immediate breakdown. I thought that this thought (life is a dream) was my safehaven. And yet, looking back now, i can see even more traces of narcissism in this. We are all here because we survived something horrible and we had to deal with it. Each in a different way, and yet sadly the characteristics show the same kinds of suffering and pain.

Tomorrow i'm starting new therapy, but i'm not sure as to what will be the path this time because there was no clear diagnose. Something i'll talk about tomorrow too with the therapist. I hope that with her i can find the trust i didnt have when having the intake with the guy from the therapy group. I'll also adress my concerns on being highly sensitive or perhaps autistic, cause in a way i feel very strange lately. Could also be due to the fact that i quit alcohol and drugs.. who knows..

Basically, i was wondering whether any of you guys consider yourself to be narcissistic. And if so, what do you do with it? How do you life with it?

Thanks and take care guys! Hold on and be strong! I'm happy to have found this place,cause here is one of the few places i can talk freely and receive something which is so important: recognition, understanding and compassion
 
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Hi OCN,

For me, the "recognition, understanding and compassion" I really need is from myself, for myself. The only problem was that the ability to do those things for myself were terrorized out of me through abuse. So, I'm just beginning to embrace those things for myself at 64. It is very new for me, but I am feeling an optimism surfacing for the first time regarding the possibility for an authentic me to be present and supported in myself. I'm still walking through the terror that has been trapped in my body all these years, but I am experiencing my thinking changing, and moving away from some negative thinking and including the understanding of the possibility for love to be the guiding principle in my life instead of fear. It has been a long road, but very worthwhile for me. It is still challenging, but even through difficulties I still "observe" myself continuously growing. As long as I experience myself growing, it is possible to tolerate growing through the discomfort I frequently find myself in.

I love the "recognition, understanding and compassion" I receive from others, and it does satisfy a powerful urge I have to feel a sense of belonging and appreciated. However, at the end of the day I need these things for myself if I am to have a reference point inside myself as to who I am. And, that is what was robbed from me through abuse.

Sending you love and good will,

Don
 
Hey, there!

Interesting post. It's funny, last summer I was able to rid many insecurities as to how I perceive myself. I know that others in my life have thought very highly of me. Sadly, I did not. Now I do see my personal and physical attributes in a more positive manner.

I know I am not narcissistic, yet I feel that I could go in the direction of feeling "too good" about myself. My life has always been dedicated to my family. Making sure my parents are fine. Now I have a sick brother who I worry about. As a business owner, I take pride in taking care of my business so that ALL of my employees have a safe and financially stable environment.

Some time ago, I was accused of being narcissistic by a member here who I value very much--and still do. That really shocked me because if anything, I think of myself last. Yet, at the time, I became more vocal of my new securities and expressing what I want in life. Perhaps that was misconstrued as being too self absorbed. However, I am seeing myself lately in a new light where I want more in my life. I want more of everything.

In the Fall, I hope to be opening up a second restaurant. This will put me in a different financial level where I can enjoy the things that I truly want to enjoy. And you know what? It's scary to finally see that I will reach certain things in my life the way I always dreamed of achieving. But guess what . . . I am looking forward to it!

So OCN, I believe we can maximize our positive traits not so much for the purpose of bypassing others in our lives. Rather, we can fulfill our dreams for self happiness and worth. A great way to do that is to actively listen to family, friends and chat members here in order to appreciate their great words of wisdom to take for our own self fulfilling purpose.

-Nick
 
Thanks Don and Nick!

Guess i'm elearning to think of myself a little more and that makes me think this way. I realize that i'm pretty self aware and that i judge myself based on that. But in a way i know that deep down inside i'm not narcissistic, i'm just scared to be the person i really am. And yet these past 2 years have showed me more and more of myself and it's actually not so bad :)

i like both your posts for they show that there is hope, that there is room to grow and to enjoy life more and more each day. When i wrote this post i had a bad day and just wanted to write down the negative i felt inside. But yesterday i had a meeting with a new therapiste. This time i took my responsibility and power and choose her. And for the first time since i met with therapists, i got the feeling that she does understand what i'm going through. WHAT A RELIEF!

So she told me it is going to be tough, that she is going to ask deep and confronting questions. And i know it's ok. It's ok because it's time to touch upon a deeper layer in myelf where a lot of pain and grief is waiting. It's what i literally feel behind my face and she told me she could see it. So it feels a bit like finally coming home. For the first time a person really understands what i've been going through. Not the feeling sorry type, but the compassionate understanding type.

I also asked to check on autism/sensitivity, so i hope i'll get some answers soon. At last i found what i was looking for. And i'm sure that during the process i'll realize more and more what i really want in life. I have been fearing life for too long now, i feel that it's time to move on and do the things that i love.

Thanks guys! Thanks for your comments and sharing your thoughts! And Nick, great to read you're hopefully soon open your second restaurant! I remember we talked about your restaurant in the chat some time ago and i think it's awesome you're taking this step :)

-Peter
 
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Thank you, Pieter. Knowing that I can reach what I always wanted in life brings a mix of emotions: happiness, fear, anticipation and relief. So despite the day to day routine, I am thinking about what the next two years will be offering me. All I can say is . . . WOW!

The same goes for you, too. This new therapist seems a like a gift who will help you. Congratulations.

I hope we can chat one day soon. All my best! -Nick
 
For me personally, we're all narcissistic. I think it's our human nature to look out for number one. We were born that way. We're born flawed. Would it be arrogant to think we were born saints? Denying the fact that we're narcissistic is like denying the very thing that makes us human. There's nothing wrong with being heard, being noticed, or getting attention - especially in recovery. Selflessness, like shame, is a learned behavior. We can learn to get out of ourselves and connect. Pieter, we all have "narcissistic tendencies" and WE all are trying to overcome them. You are not alone.
 
Narcissism is a a personality trait. We all have these traits but at varied levels. The higher the elevation of narcissism, the likelihood that it can develop as narcissistic personality disorder. Meaning, that the traits are excessive. So believing in oneself or doing special things for ourselves isn't really selfish. However if we manipulate or hurt others for personal gain, then those symptoms can lead into a personality disorder.
 
i have learned, in time, to accept and embrace my faults as character traits. i did what i had to do to maintain my integrity. i did whatever i could to regain my dignity. ego and pride can run rampant, if not bridled with empathy. i discovered i was capable of the most incredible thoughts and actions under extreme circumstances. consequences cannot be comprehended when life is measured in minutes. the future seems far away when death is near. you should feel good about yourself, as long as you don't feel bad about it.




Narcissism and self-deception are survival mechanisms without which many of us might just jump off a bridge.
Todd Solondz

An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior.
Viktor Frankl

From an internal point of view insanity isn't the problem. Insanity is the solution.
Robert Pirsig
 
People who think they know everything really annoy those of us who do. :grin:
 
Gentle Soul,

I have to agree with just about everything in your reply. I too believe there is nothing wrong with wanting to be heard, to be noticed.

However, the idea that "we are all born flawed" is one that I believe we should not continue to perputuate as a culture or as a people. It suggests that there is some ideal form or way that each one of us is supposed to be, and then that there must be some shame or something wrong with "being" any other way. For me, it is just as easy to believe that we are all born perfect as it is to believe that we are all born flawed.

I do understand what it is you are trying to convey; I have used the same language to express similar sentiments in the past. But if we are all some same thing or state right from birth, then why would it matter how that thing or state was defined? Why not articulate it in a more loving, understanding and positive way?

Just a thought.
 
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I think I am afflicted by a form of narcissism whereby I'm constantly at the center of all that transpires around me, except that I'm a negative influence because of my awfulness. I first diagnosed myself (and then was diagnosed by) my therapist with Avoidant Personality Disorder, which I think of as inverted narcissism - it's a worldview where you're terrifyingly preoccupied with your own inadequacy. I've suffered from it in some form for most of my life, I think, but my recovery process (still not sure 100% what that means ;) is starting to chip away at the mental suffering it causes.
 
vrocotamy said:
I think I am afflicted by a form of narcissism whereby I'm constantly at the center of all that transpires around me, except that I'm a negative influence because of my awfulness. I first diagnosed myself (and then was diagnosed by) my therapist with Avoidant Personality Disorder, which I think of as inverted narcissism - it's a worldview where you're terrifyingly preoccupied with your own inadequacy. I've suffered from it in some form for most of my life, I think, but my recovery process (still not sure 100% what that means ;) is starting to chip away at the mental suffering it causes.
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Hi vroco, i must say i recognize it a bit. Not that obsessive with me, but i do know what you're writing about. Guess it all comes down to accepting reality just as it is. And that can be a pretty tough job. For normal people that is. For us, it can get a little trickier. But it doesn't mean we can't make it out of this labyrinth. I'm sure we all can, by coming back to reality every time we drift away. No judging, just allowing ourselves to come back to reality. And then drift off again and then i'll come back again :)
 
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