My wife and me

My wife and me
F

fishpond

Someone told me that I could write anything here and that someone would know what I was talking about. Here is goes.....I spent today working around the house. My wife was home too. I like it when she is home. I think that I wanted her to be here so much that I conciously made an effort to distance myself from her. To say it makes it sound wierder than it felt. I was depressive, not nice, moody. And I think I was this way because I was afraid of being vulnerable to her. I was afraid to tell her how much I needed her to be here for me. How much I wanted her to comfort me. How much I did not want to be alone. The only reason that I can think of for this is that I needed someone when my abuser found me. It was a terrible time in my life and I was so needy. I was vulnerable to him--I expressed my need for something--and he took advantage of it. So I guess the lesson I learned was don't be vulnerable. And its a lousy way to live. To make things worse, I think that this lack of vulnerablity is an important part of my marriage. My wife must needs it too. I tried to talk to her about it at the end of the day, and she refused. I went to the store to get a video, and she was in bed when I got back at 6:30. She really did not want to talk!
What a long story. I don't want to whine. Sometimes I think that I will never have any more than this lousy lonliness, but then I read the the things on this site and get some hope. Thanks for listening.

Dave
 
Dave,
Never give up hope! Showing vulnerability is one of the hardest things for me to do. I am a sensitive guy, but I am always trying to cover up my weaknesses. I think it is just in our nature. But, the few times I have shown my vulnerable side, things have went well. I wish I had wise words to share with you, but all I can offer is support. Take care of yourself!
Casey
 
Dave
I think your 'theory' could be right, it's what I did for about 30 years, and still do sometimes.

But now I recognise it I can try and overcome it, and my wife also recognises it and tells me now.
That's down to trust between us, something we've worked hard on and has taken a while, but worth it.

Dave
 
Hi Dave, could your wife be feeling a little neglected? Next time you have a chance try romancing her. Take you and her on a road trip, to some place and have a outdoor picnic.
 
Does your wife know about the issues you are dealing with? If not, I am sure it is quite confusing to her. Of course, even if she do, I am sure there is confusion at times also. I had known my girlfriend I think 5 1/2, 6 years before we started actually dating. But she never knew of these things until last year, when finally I start dealing with it and tell her about it. It does explain a lot to her, and she is much more patient of me at times.

I understand wanting to feel close with someone, but also be away of them. It is a hard combination of feelings. I hope that you can feel more comfortable with your wife, and let her understand better what you are going through, when you are able.

leosha
 
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