My triggers: #2 the storm

My triggers: #2 the storm
this one is very deep for me. and this is the set of beliefs that come--

i dont exist. I am not me and i’m alone out here. the wind makes me feel...i feel everything, my skin, the air, the lights and warm of the sun. nobody is here.i am one. i feel no pain or the smell of his flesh. i am alone. i cn hear the wind and the birds. my mouth is dry from breathing silently because no one hears me. i am ssilent, listening for a sound of him coming. i am invisible. water, rushing pine needles, a fly buzzing the smell of the wide grass--not the skinny grass. it’s green and strong. i won’t come back. i will not come back. i must feel everything so i feel nothing. rain, cold on my skin. my hair is wet, it’s so cold, but i feel, and i will not go back to the house. windows yellow, will not go in the house. they will call. feel only everything, don’t think. cold, goosebumps. wind.. she dries me off and i have to be here now. i hate this. i’m tired. i want to sleep now.

Go to sleep. It’s OK. It’s not happening now.

it feels like this.

This is the me who did not "live" the abuse. The trigger isn’t of the abuse happening. It is a signal that safety is ending, that he must go back into the war. He so wants to run. He doesn’t want to see anyone or feel anything but the body in a safe place where nothing will happen to him. This is one of the strongest triggers for me that I can describe, and the trigger is completely unavoidable. It’s the weather and this time of year.

My therapist said that for one client she had, it was the time on a digital clock--that was all they saw or thought about to block out what was being done to them. For me, it was everything I felt, smelled, and heard. It was like I became a singularity on the wide grass, a wide-angle camera taking in everything single physical sensation except the evil.

So whenever anything happens that makes my internal system feel "less" or criticized or feeling used--anything that leaves me wanting "freedom" and safety, the desire--the nearly uncontrollable drive to disappear again comes. And if the weather is right, I have not figured out how to stop it. I’ve tried writing, poetry, walking, being busy with something else, digging up every detail I can think of or feel about the abuse, but that emotion grows and grows until it totally overtakes me and I can’t even look in a mirror, because that’s no me. This part has purposely *not* remembered the abuse, and why would "he" want to? Another piece of me did that for him.

I know this is "out there"--kind of weird. This is the part of dissociation that makes me feel completely wackadoodle--an ancient latin word for "crazy as a loon". But if anyone has had success on how to avoid getting sucked into a trigger this strong, I would love to hear from you. This trigger eats my lunch. Even if this makes absolutely no sense, thanks for listening while I try to work this one out.

Michael
 
Michael
I think I can understand. When I was raped, I would picture myself as part of the wall. We had plaster walls with a swirl design that reminded me of eggs in a carton. I would let myself BE one of the swirls, anything to escape the shame and agony.
So what I have now are self edited memories that go from 1 through 4, blank out for 5 through 8 and then pick back up for 9 and 10. I havent figured all of the things that trigger, but some of the common ones send me off -hand on the shoulder, getting pushed to hurry, crowded rooms or tight spaces.

Thanks for sharing, you know that many of us go through similar, but its always good to hear this-you are not alone.
Your Friend
Zookeeper-Brian
 
Storms trigger me. Bathrooms without locks trigger me. One certain song. Squeaky floors. Light that shows under closed doors, specifically hall lights. Not being able to identify an exit. The smell of cigarettes, clean laundry, pepper. Men with missing teeth.

Most are managed now. I know we know what the beginning of a trigger feels like, and I assess whether or not we're in the right head space to handle those feelings. If we are, we push. If not... we run. There's absolutely no shame in running. The sooner you know, the sooner you can handle it.

My best advice for you would be to try and see if there are some triggers that are connected to others. Like.. if you notice you hear something scary, and it creates a space for other triggers to sneak in. Those are the triggers to be avoided for a while. Then identify smaller triggers that you can handle at your good times, and push as far through them as you can. You'll find that the next time that trigger pops up, you can handle it more evenly than the time before, and the more you do this the easier it will gradually become. The more triggers you can control, the better.

And know that we're all here for you. The strength you show will draw the best people in your life closer to you, and push away the abusers. Puff up, they hate that. :)
 
Bathrooms trigger me. I was abused in the bathroom at school. For years when I was in public I never went in unless someone I knew was going in. In private I would lock the door. I was always thinking he would be behind me again. I am much better now and know he is not here. I do not know what happened to him.

It was terrible to have this anxiety about going to a bathroom

Paul
 
Thank you very much, guys. I am continually amazed how our major reactions are the same today, even if the details or triggers differ. Paul, I used to be so embarrassed--if I was at a meeting of 5,000 people and had to use a bathroom, I would drive to my hotel and back rather than go into a crowded restroom. It was horrible. I still time my breaks for when I think it will be the least busy, but I'm happy to say I can go in a public restroom now. Middle stall/urinal between 2 occupied ones still takes heavy concentration.

I was caught several times this weekend in my worst-case trigger situation. I had to climb around in the forest looking for property stakes. The wind came up. I just kept saying over and over, "Stay an adult. Stay an adult." Every time I felt it coming, "Stay an adult."

Earlier today I was walking along a dirt road by the forest when the black cloud came and the wind hit. "Stay an adult" wasn't strong enough, and I did end up in the woods. However, this time "we" talked it out. There was such anger, I picked up sticks and just beat on the trees until the sticks were smashed to pieces. I'd pick up another stick and beat on the tree again. I wanted to yell, to scream my anger. One day I want that voice to come out. "He" still thinks that it is inappropriate to yell like that. Just primal anger voiced alone in the woods.

"Stay an adult", letting the emotions come, expressing the anger, and talking it out with myself allowed me to return to the present. For the first time, I was able to get off the one-way path leading to reenacting the abuse. I made it back out of the forest and rejoined my wife. I didn't even think it was possible before today. I thought about what you said, BFree. The next time these triggers pop up, maybe it will be easier. Now my insides know that there is a choice.

Don't get me wrong. I'm toast. But I'm home, I'll watch some TV, sleep, and hopefully feel better without bad repercussions tomorrow.

Again, thank you guys. It's a weird thing to feel like I might actually be making a little progress. Your support is more important than you know.

Michael
 
Michael, congrats on being "able to get off the one-way path leading to reenacting the abuse." If it can happen once, it can happen again. Something must be shifting for you.

Best wishes,

Danny
 
Tough. Hard. But huge huge progress. You did well Forevery Fighting.

Can you see the glimmer of the match you just lit in the darkness? It looks like a lighthouse beacon from here.
 
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