My thoughts

[InjunE]

I don't get much sleep
It hurts inside
I can't stop feeling anger
I hold little pride

I stay up late
i really don't want to
Because then I have to face it
It comes back anew

It tears me up
I wish I could forget
The pain is too much
I have no outlet

I need to keep my head
Not go crazy
I need to get to bed
Can't let it faze me

But the burning in my chest
It won't go away
The thoughts of violence I have
Are here to stay

As long as I can control them
Maybe they'll stay in
But I feel myself getting weaker
I fear they may win

I'm trying to reclaim
the faith I once had
But the more I think of god
The more I get mad

Because how could he allow
A little boy
to be tainted and poisoned
used like a toy

I am now full of hate
All I want to do
Is get revenge
Not just for me
But for the other two

I know little happiness
except with my boys and wife
If it weren't for them
I wouldn't even be in this fight

I guess for me
peace is just too much
I guess I should have known
It would always be out of touch

I will make sure my kids
Always have a good life
Make good grades
Someday, marry a good wife

After they leave
and move out on their own
It will be time for revenge
They've reaped what they've sown

So I will find them
And claim what they owe
The debt will be settled
Only god will know

Then I can try
Maybe get some sleep
For I've never was able
to truely sleep deep

But I fear what will happen
Is I still may not
For my soul will always
Feel the burn of rot

Someday I will die
And be sent to hell
Never to rest
Always to dwell
Not on my family
Or anything that may help me
Deal with the suffering
Or the pain that will be
But on the vengance I took
And the things I have done
To cause me to be there
To never have won

An innocent soul that I used to be
Just a little man that was very happy
Was twisted by life to hate and loathe
And now will suffer, god will get whats owed

 

[SoCalJohn]

there is so much in there, all i can say right now is i understand and it all makes sense to me and i am not so sure that you will be sent to hell, i awlays figured for me that what happened to me and the years that followed, well, i fogured i was lost in hell then and my job this life was to find my way out and back to the land of the living people, you know, the reasonably honest ones that actually care about each other and try and be there, try and help, kinda like this place, the ones that listen when i cry, hold me when i hurt.

I am like real glad your here.

John