My Summer Scout Camp Abuse TRIGGER WARNING
If reading about CSA within the Scouting organization triggers you, please scroll on by.
I am in no way claiming this to have been typical of all Scouting events or all Scout Leaders.
I am not trying to start a war on the Scout organization, it's just what happened to me and how I chose to deal with it.
I feel the need to share this publicly and mainly to apologize. My hope is to not offend any Scout Leaders within this group and I know some are here. Some fantastic men that were abused, overcame that abuse and challenged themselves to do better, for the sake of the boys and I applaud them for their service. A few of my own Scout Leaders were fine men and set a good example of what leadership should be, others not so much. I wrestled with even sharing this for quite some time, I typed and deleted on more than one occasion. I wondered what purpose would it serve. Would this help me in my own healing journey? Would this help others? Perhaps some of you can relate what I am about to say, to your own lives. If this or something similar happened to you, I am so very sorry.
Also, I need to retract a statement from my original story post regarding having not shared in the abuse of others. That post was made shortly after memories started returning and since then I have had many more come to light. It would seem now I have done various things with other boys and men alike in the past. Something I am highly ashamed of. Again, I'm sorry.
I was 10, perhaps 11 and on one of our last week long summer camps at Camp Waters on the James River. Camp Waters was used from 1928 to 1966 until we literally out grew our 30-acre camp facility. Our camp was to be sold to real estate developers and soon our new camp would be at Gaston Lake and be known as the Siouan Scout Reservation. As a scout, I actually helped in building the new camp for several summers, primarily clearing the land for camp sites and trails.
One night after dark and the scouts were all bedded down in their perspective assigned campsites, I was told to accompany my cousin for a walk. He was a Scout Leader, in his late forties at this time, as well as my cousin and main abuser for the past 5 or 6 years. So this wasn't out of the norm for him to want some alone time with me. He led me down the edge of the dark road away from camp, holding my hand as we walked towards the cottage. The same cottage I shared earlier in the James River memory story I posted. It was a short walk about ¼ mile from camp not far from the camp rifle range.
As we neared the cottage, I could see light coming from inside through the curtains and wondered why to myself. Upon entering we were greeted by five other Scout Leaders that were already there. My first thought was "Oh shit what have I done" thinking I was going to be lectured for not being the best scout I could be.
Or perhaps this was a special Scout award ceremony of some sort. Wishful thinking as nothing could have been further from the truth with those thoughts.
Initially there was some small talk and a few jokes as the leaders gathered around me in a circle. A circle, I'm sure that had been formed before. A ritual none of them were the least bit shy about joining in and exposing themselves to each other. I was told to kneel down and they started to unzip their uniform pants. I was in shock at first, up until that time my cousin had never shared me with anyone else and I believed what we had with each other was special. I was oh so wrong. I was his little sex performer and that's all. The men begin tugging at themselves and instinctively I reached out, grabbed one and started sucking it. I knew what was expected of me. I remember the joking going on in the background as I did my duty. I have no intention of mocking the Scout oath so I will not quote it verbatim. I think the oath referenced doing your duty to the best of your ability and also referenced obeying. As best as I can recollect, I did both. I remember some were circumcised and others were not and were of various sizes but none were as large as my cousin. While working on the first I stroked the next one and kept pivoting on my knees in turn. Most were rock hard by the time I got to them and quite eager to complete their mission.
At some point I remember the door opening, which scared the shit out of me, and three more leaders walked in while I was still performing. There was much joking and laughter about them almost showing up too late for the party. They joined the circle as well. I noticed that the last one I serviced was the youngest, a tall Eagle scout about 17, from my own troop. I believe he had just been named as an assistant Scout Master that day. I went to school with him and his four younger brothers. By this time, I was getting tired and had the most difficulty getting him to climax. Perhaps it was his age, his shame, his guilt, the joking and ribbing he was getting, I don't know but finally he reached the point of no return and delivered. I think I serviced my cousin as well, I probably did just to show off that I could take all of it. That would have been so like me since I was such a trained little slut. That was nine guys in a row, and I swallowed it all from each one. When it was over, my cousin and I just silently walked back to camp as if nothing had happened. I received no explanation from him, no apology for certain, just a pat on the back and told to turn in. I remember having somewhat of a stomach ache afterwards, having sore jaws, also being very thirsty and tired. Thankfully I had some Coca Cola in my tent to drink which helped settle my stomach and quenched my thirst. I didn't get a merit badge, a rank promotion, a patch or even a thanks for a job well done, so some award ceremony.
I remember seeing each Leader the next morning at the flag raising ceremony, with some giving me a pat on the head, knocking my hat off, as they walked by. This was in the early 1960's. There were no cell phones and no internet, so I know it was a preplanned event amongst the leaders. It had to be as they all knew the time and location as well as the activity. I now wonder how many other innocent boys, not that I was innocent by any means, were led down that dark road to the cottage on various nights. I think at least one boy was chosen as the "best of the best" from each leader's group and taken to the cottage to perform. Since deep throating was my specialty, I suppose that's why I was chosen for that particular night. I have no proof whatsoever of that thought. If this took place commonly, which I highly suspect it did, then hundreds of innocent boys could have been abused over the forty-year history of just this one Scout camp. The organization at that time, didn't have the best track record of vetting leaders it seems, nor did they have the safeguards in place they claim to have today.
The shame is on the entire organization, in my opinion and if they have to pay huge sums then so be it. They knew and yet chose to cover up the accusations of abuse for years. Unfortunately, all of my Leaders have now passed away without being brought to justice for their individual perverted deeds.
The Eagle Scout from my troop, well he made sure to include me in with the older boys on future outings. It seems my performance was always welcomed. A lot of the other boys my age got quite jealous of me getting to "sleep" in with the bigger boys, if they had only known what went on in those old canvas tents. Alas none of their abuse harmed me physically, fortunately none of them beat me up or told on me and I probably enjoyed it, as I usually did.
So, where has all of this led me to in my healing journey?
In my mind I have forgiven each of them, including my cousin. I'm still working on forgiving myself. That in itself is a chore but getting this story off my chest is a big relief for some reason. I have no idea why, other than to apologize from a broken heart. A heart that grieves for the unspeakable injustices so many of us has endured for so long. We did not deserve what happened to us. I should have spoken up and told on those guys, hell for that matter I feel as guilty as them and still feel I was such a coward.
I sincerely hope that none of you younger guys went through something like this in your Scouting years. If you did, I am so very sorry that I failed not only myself but you also. I'm sorry I didn't speak up those 60 some years ago and demand change and justice for all of us Scouts.
It saddens me to no end to think of the boys I might have saved from that dark road to the cottage. Avalon
I am in no way claiming this to have been typical of all Scouting events or all Scout Leaders.
I am not trying to start a war on the Scout organization, it's just what happened to me and how I chose to deal with it.
I feel the need to share this publicly and mainly to apologize. My hope is to not offend any Scout Leaders within this group and I know some are here. Some fantastic men that were abused, overcame that abuse and challenged themselves to do better, for the sake of the boys and I applaud them for their service. A few of my own Scout Leaders were fine men and set a good example of what leadership should be, others not so much. I wrestled with even sharing this for quite some time, I typed and deleted on more than one occasion. I wondered what purpose would it serve. Would this help me in my own healing journey? Would this help others? Perhaps some of you can relate what I am about to say, to your own lives. If this or something similar happened to you, I am so very sorry.
Also, I need to retract a statement from my original story post regarding having not shared in the abuse of others. That post was made shortly after memories started returning and since then I have had many more come to light. It would seem now I have done various things with other boys and men alike in the past. Something I am highly ashamed of. Again, I'm sorry.
I was 10, perhaps 11 and on one of our last week long summer camps at Camp Waters on the James River. Camp Waters was used from 1928 to 1966 until we literally out grew our 30-acre camp facility. Our camp was to be sold to real estate developers and soon our new camp would be at Gaston Lake and be known as the Siouan Scout Reservation. As a scout, I actually helped in building the new camp for several summers, primarily clearing the land for camp sites and trails.
One night after dark and the scouts were all bedded down in their perspective assigned campsites, I was told to accompany my cousin for a walk. He was a Scout Leader, in his late forties at this time, as well as my cousin and main abuser for the past 5 or 6 years. So this wasn't out of the norm for him to want some alone time with me. He led me down the edge of the dark road away from camp, holding my hand as we walked towards the cottage. The same cottage I shared earlier in the James River memory story I posted. It was a short walk about ¼ mile from camp not far from the camp rifle range.
As we neared the cottage, I could see light coming from inside through the curtains and wondered why to myself. Upon entering we were greeted by five other Scout Leaders that were already there. My first thought was "Oh shit what have I done" thinking I was going to be lectured for not being the best scout I could be.
Or perhaps this was a special Scout award ceremony of some sort. Wishful thinking as nothing could have been further from the truth with those thoughts.
Initially there was some small talk and a few jokes as the leaders gathered around me in a circle. A circle, I'm sure that had been formed before. A ritual none of them were the least bit shy about joining in and exposing themselves to each other. I was told to kneel down and they started to unzip their uniform pants. I was in shock at first, up until that time my cousin had never shared me with anyone else and I believed what we had with each other was special. I was oh so wrong. I was his little sex performer and that's all. The men begin tugging at themselves and instinctively I reached out, grabbed one and started sucking it. I knew what was expected of me. I remember the joking going on in the background as I did my duty. I have no intention of mocking the Scout oath so I will not quote it verbatim. I think the oath referenced doing your duty to the best of your ability and also referenced obeying. As best as I can recollect, I did both. I remember some were circumcised and others were not and were of various sizes but none were as large as my cousin. While working on the first I stroked the next one and kept pivoting on my knees in turn. Most were rock hard by the time I got to them and quite eager to complete their mission.
At some point I remember the door opening, which scared the shit out of me, and three more leaders walked in while I was still performing. There was much joking and laughter about them almost showing up too late for the party. They joined the circle as well. I noticed that the last one I serviced was the youngest, a tall Eagle scout about 17, from my own troop. I believe he had just been named as an assistant Scout Master that day. I went to school with him and his four younger brothers. By this time, I was getting tired and had the most difficulty getting him to climax. Perhaps it was his age, his shame, his guilt, the joking and ribbing he was getting, I don't know but finally he reached the point of no return and delivered. I think I serviced my cousin as well, I probably did just to show off that I could take all of it. That would have been so like me since I was such a trained little slut. That was nine guys in a row, and I swallowed it all from each one. When it was over, my cousin and I just silently walked back to camp as if nothing had happened. I received no explanation from him, no apology for certain, just a pat on the back and told to turn in. I remember having somewhat of a stomach ache afterwards, having sore jaws, also being very thirsty and tired. Thankfully I had some Coca Cola in my tent to drink which helped settle my stomach and quenched my thirst. I didn't get a merit badge, a rank promotion, a patch or even a thanks for a job well done, so some award ceremony.
I remember seeing each Leader the next morning at the flag raising ceremony, with some giving me a pat on the head, knocking my hat off, as they walked by. This was in the early 1960's. There were no cell phones and no internet, so I know it was a preplanned event amongst the leaders. It had to be as they all knew the time and location as well as the activity. I now wonder how many other innocent boys, not that I was innocent by any means, were led down that dark road to the cottage on various nights. I think at least one boy was chosen as the "best of the best" from each leader's group and taken to the cottage to perform. Since deep throating was my specialty, I suppose that's why I was chosen for that particular night. I have no proof whatsoever of that thought. If this took place commonly, which I highly suspect it did, then hundreds of innocent boys could have been abused over the forty-year history of just this one Scout camp. The organization at that time, didn't have the best track record of vetting leaders it seems, nor did they have the safeguards in place they claim to have today.
The shame is on the entire organization, in my opinion and if they have to pay huge sums then so be it. They knew and yet chose to cover up the accusations of abuse for years. Unfortunately, all of my Leaders have now passed away without being brought to justice for their individual perverted deeds.
The Eagle Scout from my troop, well he made sure to include me in with the older boys on future outings. It seems my performance was always welcomed. A lot of the other boys my age got quite jealous of me getting to "sleep" in with the bigger boys, if they had only known what went on in those old canvas tents. Alas none of their abuse harmed me physically, fortunately none of them beat me up or told on me and I probably enjoyed it, as I usually did.
So, where has all of this led me to in my healing journey?
In my mind I have forgiven each of them, including my cousin. I'm still working on forgiving myself. That in itself is a chore but getting this story off my chest is a big relief for some reason. I have no idea why, other than to apologize from a broken heart. A heart that grieves for the unspeakable injustices so many of us has endured for so long. We did not deserve what happened to us. I should have spoken up and told on those guys, hell for that matter I feel as guilty as them and still feel I was such a coward.
I sincerely hope that none of you younger guys went through something like this in your Scouting years. If you did, I am so very sorry that I failed not only myself but you also. I'm sorry I didn't speak up those 60 some years ago and demand change and justice for all of us Scouts.
It saddens me to no end to think of the boys I might have saved from that dark road to the cottage. Avalon