My story

My story
P

Pat176

Registrant
I’ve been so scared even to talk about this. It’s been an emotional journey for me. I don’t know what to do because there is no justice being served but I just want to rants how I feel. My story begins when I was 10 years old. My mom had a friend and her son would always ask me questions about my sexuality like “are you gay or bisexual” or “do you like boys or girls” and I don’t know why he would ask me that. One night he spent the night with his family at my great grandmothers house and I couldn’t sleep and I went to go get some water because I thought it would help me relax and then I got the water and I was walking back and the guy came behind me and said “what are you doing “ and I told him I was getting water and he laughed and said “wanna do something” and he told me to get down and I told him “no I’m tired” and he didn’t take that for answer he litterally pushed me to go down and I tried fighting back but he was 15 or 16 I’m not sure but he was definitely stronger then me and he proceeded to pull my pants off and spit in my ask and I kept telling him “no I don’t want this “ but he still went on and he raped me and he came inside of me and I felt so embarrassed and empty after and he told me the next day that he would do it again and if I didn’t do it he hurt my family and try to kill me. He did it 2 more times but the last couple of times I tried to put up a fight, I was scared to even say anything for yes because I was afraid something bad would happen. Also my step brother has sexual assaulted me as well, he would do drugs and he told me to inhale this bag full of I don’t even know what and I woke up the next morning with him thrusting into me and I tried pushing him off of me and I told him to stop. I was on the floor and when he finished he left the room. Then months later he raped me again and this time he threatened to kill me and he had a knife in his hand and he put it up to my neck and told me to get down again.. and he raped me again. I have reported this
Incidents to the police but years after because I was scared and now I’m really scared for my life cuz my step brother lives the city over and I’m just scared of him trying to hurt me because I finally spoke about this incident to the police and my father but both have told me that is nothing they can do so
 
I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's very brave of you to be able to talk about it. I can relate to that feeling of emptiness. To know that something was taken from me, even though at the time I didn't understand what. Even though it sounds like what happens so often for boys and men, no one takes any action, letting it out is a very powerful thing to do. It takes a huge amount of strength and courage to do that.
 
Hi Pat

I am so sorry for what has happen to you. Welcome to MS you are amongst friends here. It shows you are a courageous person to reach out for help. This is a good place to come and share if you are ready or just hang out and not feel so all a lone in this. None of this was your fault in any way at all. I am sorry to here that your reporting has not worked out. I never reported anything, I was too scared and confused of what would happen to me. Perps seem to get that and install as much fear and shame as they can so you won't turn them in.
 
Morgan McCall said:
I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's very brave of you to be able to talk about it. I can relate to that feeling of emptiness. To know that something was taken from me, even though at the time I didn't understand what. Even though it sounds like what happens so often for boys and men, no one takes any action, letting it out is a very powerful thing to do. It takes a huge amount of strength and courage to do that.
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Yes it really has damaged me a lot Making me feel a lot of emptiness and I feel so broken cuz I felt like they took away the most important from me of being in control of my life because I used and still let the fear get to me
 
Esterio said:
Hi Pat

I am so sorry for what has happen to you. Welcome to MS you are amongst friends here. It shows you are a courageous person to reach out for help. This is a good place to come and share if you are ready or just hang out and not feel so all a lone in this. None of this was your fault in any way at all. I am sorry to here that your reporting has not worked out. I never reported anything, I was too scared and confused of what would happen to me. Perps seem to get that and install as much fear and shame as they can so you won't turn them in.
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Thank you for understanding, thank for that welcomed, I feel like I am in a safe space to really get help I need to cope with this and a lot of perps get away with it and makes me angry
 
Hi Pat, welcome to the MS forums.

You will find that there is a lot of support here and so many great people will respond or just listen to whatever it is on your mind. I’ve found some of the words here very comforting in my own time of need. I ..um couldn’t read to much, as I haven’t written my own story down yet. Some memories are still to fresh(painful) I suppose.

I’m sorry what happened to you. You may not feel it yet, but you were not at fault. How could you be at 10 years old? You don’t understand what is happening to you or your body. You were taken advantage of and that isn’t right. I’m proud of you for telling your Father. I hope he protects you and now that the police know, that is the safest bet.

I hope your family supports you in the best way they know how. When you need more support, we’ll be here for you. I hope your future is filled with safety, healing, peace and compassion for yourself.

Be well my friend :)
-Ct
 
Pat..welcome. I can honestly say you have a surrogate family here that will believe, love and support you. One of the most important things is that you will be believed. When I first started remembering
this stuff, I didn't know what was real or not, but I was obsessed. The guys here accepted me where and as I was. I eventually went into discounting it mode, but now I believe I was raped multiple times and am back. I am back because i am accepted as I am, not for a mask I wear. I am so glad you are here. I wish tons of love , healing and peace for you. Believe that you are infinitely worthy of love and respect.
 
welcome Pat, its hard to tell your story. I know what its like to be raped and I was about the same age when it happened to me. I was 9 1/2. You are very brave to have not only tell your story but to tell the police which I never did. And thou the police did not help you a report has been made. If the prep does it again it starts a paten which makes life for him much worst. does nothing for you now. but someday will put him away for a long time. For now you in the right place to start the healing you want and new. Thanks for sharing.
 
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