my story
silenttolong
Registrant
It began in a little village of 200 people in Nova Scotia where I arrived at 10 lbs. 11 ounces from my mother of 105 pounds.
The birth nearly killed her and did make her so weak she could not even hold me during the year she lived
My Aunt and Uncle moved into grandpa's house to look after my grandfather and me
My father a mild passive man and a drinker worked and lived in another province a thousand miles away
He came to visit for a week in October every year
He was a stranger to me
I loved my grandfather and my Aunt and Uncle I wanted to grow up to be just like him They were wonderful I was happy and thrived
My grandfather worked in the woods in the winter from Monday to Saturday and came home on the weekends It was my habit after school on Friday nights to walk into the camp a mile up the dirt road and then another mile and a half on a logging trail to the cabin spend the night and then come back home with grandpa and his men on Saturday night
This particular night there was a big snow storm but I fully expected to go to the cabin My Aunt said no After much pleading and reassurance she finally after asking other neighbors if they would let me go and hearing them say no I finally succeeded in convincing her I could make it ok
Darkness comes early in the winter and I was already late in leaving and set out to the sounds of other neighborhood kids playing on the hill back of our house The first part was open to the wind and the snow was drifting and I had to struggle through them until I reached the trees and the woods where the wind could not drift the snow I began to think I was not going fast enough to arrive before dark and had my first thought that maybe this was not such a good idea
But I pushed on and ounce in the woods it was still snowing but not drifting
I made it to the logging road and past the two forks in the trail when it was still light enough to see
I arrived at the cabin to see my grandfather at the door throwing out the dishpan water
He was startled and surprised to see me
He first remark was how did you ever convince your Aunt to let you come I said it wasn't easy He said get inside You have more guts than brains I was so proud
Please realize what I did after that my Aunt would never know that I made it until we arrived back home on Saturday night
Realize her trust and faith in me
Its something i never forgot and later many times when things got real bad I often thought of and used for inspiration and it kept me going
I grew up a lot that weekend
When I was 10 my Dad remarried
He and my new stepmother came to visit at the beginning of November I realize now she was starting to groom me on the first day me met
The praise the hugs the kisses on the mouth that lasted way to long The bit of tongue I could feel
I was never treated like this but thought oh well that's what Stepmothers do
She told me she wanted to move me to live with her and my Dad but they would have to find a new place to rent and she would let me know when it was all arranged likely in January
And she said Do not tell anyone about any of it
I never told even though I would cry myself to sleep many night and my Aunt would ask me over and over why I was crying January came and my Grandfather and Aunt and Uncle were given a weeks notice that the boy they had raised would be leaving them
I was just numb
Gone was the village existence with those I loved to be replaced with a life in the downtown of Canada's largest city while living with 2 alcoholics and a stepmother would soon begin to molest me to satisfy her sexual desires
Triggers
The first thing was to wrestle with me when I was in pajamas and her in a dress with no panties on
Other times there were the hugs her hands all over me and the kisses of a lover
One night a friend of theirs came over with a couple bottles of liquor They finished the bottle I was in my bed My father got sick in the bathroom and since my bed was closest passed out on it beside me
My stepmother arrived and joined us
There beside him I was encouraged to have intercourse with her for the first time
I responded I was 12 and then 13 and 14 before it stopped At 15 we fought so much it never happened At 16 I left home alone in the big city but with a good job always carrying the memory of those good years back home with my Grandpa and Aunt and Uncle
One of my problems is I never tell I never told my Father but how could he not have known She was volatile never the same from one week to the next A week of being sweet and then Wham for no apparent reason she would go into rages and be cruel and argumentative Impossible to please During sex she would say "You going to be a good boy now?"
How I hated that
I was doing my best to be a good boy all the time Trying to please her every way I could
Sometimes I was lucky to get something to eat all day
She would humiliate me anyway she could Have me play a board game especially "Sorry" with her all evening When I see that game now I start to shake If I were accidently to win more than ounce she would fly into rages Humiliate me Have me do sexual things to her she liked
I married at 23 Have 3 wonderful kids Had the same job since 1956 until 2000 then another 10 years until I fully retired
Now at 75 years old it has all come out
My wife who is so wonderful my son and two granddaughters support me and I am receiving counseling finally
Ounce I started telling the flood gates have opened but not all the way
But that's another story that I still hold inside
I need more courage
The birth nearly killed her and did make her so weak she could not even hold me during the year she lived
My Aunt and Uncle moved into grandpa's house to look after my grandfather and me
My father a mild passive man and a drinker worked and lived in another province a thousand miles away
He came to visit for a week in October every year
He was a stranger to me
I loved my grandfather and my Aunt and Uncle I wanted to grow up to be just like him They were wonderful I was happy and thrived
My grandfather worked in the woods in the winter from Monday to Saturday and came home on the weekends It was my habit after school on Friday nights to walk into the camp a mile up the dirt road and then another mile and a half on a logging trail to the cabin spend the night and then come back home with grandpa and his men on Saturday night
This particular night there was a big snow storm but I fully expected to go to the cabin My Aunt said no After much pleading and reassurance she finally after asking other neighbors if they would let me go and hearing them say no I finally succeeded in convincing her I could make it ok
Darkness comes early in the winter and I was already late in leaving and set out to the sounds of other neighborhood kids playing on the hill back of our house The first part was open to the wind and the snow was drifting and I had to struggle through them until I reached the trees and the woods where the wind could not drift the snow I began to think I was not going fast enough to arrive before dark and had my first thought that maybe this was not such a good idea
But I pushed on and ounce in the woods it was still snowing but not drifting
I made it to the logging road and past the two forks in the trail when it was still light enough to see
I arrived at the cabin to see my grandfather at the door throwing out the dishpan water
He was startled and surprised to see me
He first remark was how did you ever convince your Aunt to let you come I said it wasn't easy He said get inside You have more guts than brains I was so proud
Please realize what I did after that my Aunt would never know that I made it until we arrived back home on Saturday night
Realize her trust and faith in me
Its something i never forgot and later many times when things got real bad I often thought of and used for inspiration and it kept me going
I grew up a lot that weekend
When I was 10 my Dad remarried
He and my new stepmother came to visit at the beginning of November I realize now she was starting to groom me on the first day me met
The praise the hugs the kisses on the mouth that lasted way to long The bit of tongue I could feel
I was never treated like this but thought oh well that's what Stepmothers do
She told me she wanted to move me to live with her and my Dad but they would have to find a new place to rent and she would let me know when it was all arranged likely in January
And she said Do not tell anyone about any of it
I never told even though I would cry myself to sleep many night and my Aunt would ask me over and over why I was crying January came and my Grandfather and Aunt and Uncle were given a weeks notice that the boy they had raised would be leaving them
I was just numb
Gone was the village existence with those I loved to be replaced with a life in the downtown of Canada's largest city while living with 2 alcoholics and a stepmother would soon begin to molest me to satisfy her sexual desires
Triggers
The first thing was to wrestle with me when I was in pajamas and her in a dress with no panties on
Other times there were the hugs her hands all over me and the kisses of a lover
One night a friend of theirs came over with a couple bottles of liquor They finished the bottle I was in my bed My father got sick in the bathroom and since my bed was closest passed out on it beside me
My stepmother arrived and joined us
There beside him I was encouraged to have intercourse with her for the first time
I responded I was 12 and then 13 and 14 before it stopped At 15 we fought so much it never happened At 16 I left home alone in the big city but with a good job always carrying the memory of those good years back home with my Grandpa and Aunt and Uncle
One of my problems is I never tell I never told my Father but how could he not have known She was volatile never the same from one week to the next A week of being sweet and then Wham for no apparent reason she would go into rages and be cruel and argumentative Impossible to please During sex she would say "You going to be a good boy now?"
How I hated that
I was doing my best to be a good boy all the time Trying to please her every way I could
Sometimes I was lucky to get something to eat all day
She would humiliate me anyway she could Have me play a board game especially "Sorry" with her all evening When I see that game now I start to shake If I were accidently to win more than ounce she would fly into rages Humiliate me Have me do sexual things to her she liked
I married at 23 Have 3 wonderful kids Had the same job since 1956 until 2000 then another 10 years until I fully retired
Now at 75 years old it has all come out
My wife who is so wonderful my son and two granddaughters support me and I am receiving counseling finally
Ounce I started telling the flood gates have opened but not all the way
But that's another story that I still hold inside
I need more courage
