my story
My abuse started sine I was ten years old by my adopted father.At the night of my tenth birthday he came to my room and told me how a big boy I became. he ordered me to stand up and drop my pants so that he can see how big I became.Then he started fondling my private parts and kissed me on my lips. I didn't understand what was going on but i knew that there was something wrong. I was scared. Starting from that night onwards he came to my room every night just doing horrible things to my body.When I became 12 years old, he raped me. It was painful, really painful.
Then things became worse, he starting ''sharing'' me with his friends. He would beat me to death if I refused to obey him. At first I was resisting but after sometime I just became numb. He was convincing me that I owe him these favours because without him I'd become homeless. I was exposed to various kinds of sadistic practices, it was not just kinky, the pain was real.He would shove objects in my anus not caring for my screams. I think he loved it. It is hard for me to talk about this, I start to shake just recalling the memories. All the beatings, the whippings and spankings I still live it everyday of my life.
I lost my humanity, I feel numb. I started to regard myself as an object, my soul became separated from my body, I couldn't feel anymore. I accepted what was happening to me as a fact of life. Something that I deserve and I can't escape from, it was my destiny.
Due to the things I was exposed to, I suffered a lot of physical injuries. there was a doctor that my father knew and he used to take heal me if I am suffering from any injuries.
My life went on like that till I reached 20.Two years ago he returned home with his friends and they were plannning to share me in public.It is like one of them makes sex with me while the others are watching.I was too scared to say no and I still hate myself for that. I felt so inhuman. I was crying silently but they were so indulged in their pleasures that they didn't even notice that.I felt dirty, so dirty.At the end of the night I had to be taken to the hospital for i was bleeding heavily.
In the hospital, he told the doctors that I was raped at a party and that we don't know who the perpetrators are. I still blame myself that I didn't tell someone in the hospital what really happened.
I was discharged after four days.These four days were more than enough for me to rethink about myself and realizing the gravity of what was happening to me.I was being ABUSED.I never imagined that there is another better life out there for me.A life without torture, without abuse and without humiliation.
Two days later, my father went out to buy ciggarettes, so , just as simple as that, I walked out.For a few moments I didn't know where I should go and I had no money.Then, I headed to our neighbour's house whom I will call Chris.He is a very kind old man and he didn't like my father because he thought he was''hypocrite''.Chris never asked me why did I run away.He just offered me to stay in his house till I decide what I'm going to do next.I wanted to go far away where my father never finds me.
He started to comb the area searching for me and even asked for the neighbours' help.One of them told him that he saw me in Chris's house.And so he came,Chris assured me that he will never allow him to come near me.Just seeing him made me start shaking he had this look on his face which says''it's better for you to come back or I will kill you''.He was very angry and he even accused Chris of kidnapping me.But Chris stood there between us and never allowed him to come near me.
After that, Chris gave me the key of a small apartment he owns and helped me to find a job in a grocery store till I sort my life out.He was a God sent to me.I couldn't believe that everything just stopped like that.
I can say that my life is stable now.But my real problem is that I'm suffering flshbacks, panic attacks and sometimes I start crying hysterically without an apparent reason.Sometimes I lose control over myself in public. I feel dirty.I feel that I'm lifeless.I look in the mirror for hours pinching myself just to make sure that I'm really there.I hate life and I hate my existance, I don't consider myself a survivor.
Then things became worse, he starting ''sharing'' me with his friends. He would beat me to death if I refused to obey him. At first I was resisting but after sometime I just became numb. He was convincing me that I owe him these favours because without him I'd become homeless. I was exposed to various kinds of sadistic practices, it was not just kinky, the pain was real.He would shove objects in my anus not caring for my screams. I think he loved it. It is hard for me to talk about this, I start to shake just recalling the memories. All the beatings, the whippings and spankings I still live it everyday of my life.
I lost my humanity, I feel numb. I started to regard myself as an object, my soul became separated from my body, I couldn't feel anymore. I accepted what was happening to me as a fact of life. Something that I deserve and I can't escape from, it was my destiny.
Due to the things I was exposed to, I suffered a lot of physical injuries. there was a doctor that my father knew and he used to take heal me if I am suffering from any injuries.
My life went on like that till I reached 20.Two years ago he returned home with his friends and they were plannning to share me in public.It is like one of them makes sex with me while the others are watching.I was too scared to say no and I still hate myself for that. I felt so inhuman. I was crying silently but they were so indulged in their pleasures that they didn't even notice that.I felt dirty, so dirty.At the end of the night I had to be taken to the hospital for i was bleeding heavily.
In the hospital, he told the doctors that I was raped at a party and that we don't know who the perpetrators are. I still blame myself that I didn't tell someone in the hospital what really happened.
I was discharged after four days.These four days were more than enough for me to rethink about myself and realizing the gravity of what was happening to me.I was being ABUSED.I never imagined that there is another better life out there for me.A life without torture, without abuse and without humiliation.
Two days later, my father went out to buy ciggarettes, so , just as simple as that, I walked out.For a few moments I didn't know where I should go and I had no money.Then, I headed to our neighbour's house whom I will call Chris.He is a very kind old man and he didn't like my father because he thought he was''hypocrite''.Chris never asked me why did I run away.He just offered me to stay in his house till I decide what I'm going to do next.I wanted to go far away where my father never finds me.
He started to comb the area searching for me and even asked for the neighbours' help.One of them told him that he saw me in Chris's house.And so he came,Chris assured me that he will never allow him to come near me.Just seeing him made me start shaking he had this look on his face which says''it's better for you to come back or I will kill you''.He was very angry and he even accused Chris of kidnapping me.But Chris stood there between us and never allowed him to come near me.
After that, Chris gave me the key of a small apartment he owns and helped me to find a job in a grocery store till I sort my life out.He was a God sent to me.I couldn't believe that everything just stopped like that.
I can say that my life is stable now.But my real problem is that I'm suffering flshbacks, panic attacks and sometimes I start crying hysterically without an apparent reason.Sometimes I lose control over myself in public. I feel dirty.I feel that I'm lifeless.I look in the mirror for hours pinching myself just to make sure that I'm really there.I hate life and I hate my existance, I don't consider myself a survivor.
