TRIGGER WARNING.
FF - its not a porn site, even though the name is such. It was a really long piece, so I didn't copy it earlier, but here it is:
In the past few posts, I've been really bashing out the Mullah's (religeous freaks), and someone mentioned that I'm just hating them irrationally, so here's a little backstory:
About 15 years ago: I was around 6-7 years old, and like all good Muslims, I'm supposed to finish reading the Quran, our religious book, even though Arabic makes shit sense to me. For all I knew I was reading the constitution of Saudi Arabia (ETA: Going over, I realize that the constitution of Arabia is the Shariah, which includes the Quran, but you get my point).
Anywayz, so my parents appointed a Mullah who would help me read the Quran. Umm ... if you need to picture what this guy looked like, think Osama bin Laden sans the rifle. Yup, most Mullah's have the same kind of unkept beards, loose wrinkled clothes and basically couldn't look presentable if their life depended on it.
So this person came came everyday for about a year or so and I repeated Arabic verses after him. But that was not all that went on in those sessions. In the middle of these quranic sessions, the motherfucker Mullah would take out his dick and tell me, a child 7-8 years old, to pull on it. Basically he would use me to get handjobs (I don't think he ever came in front of me, just got the pleasure, but I might've forgotten since this was really many years back). I dunno why I never refused, or just go screaming to Mommy, but I guess its the same inexplicable reason that most kids comply in these situations. Plus, he was my religious teacher, a person I'm supposed to show utmost respect to. He can obviously do no wrong, right ? Bastard.
You know how one has only 'snapshot memories' of their childhood, just isolated 1-2 second memories of random incidents. Well, one of my earliest childhood memories are of this motherfucker smiling and me pulling on his big dick (well it seemed big to me at that time). How sad is that
. And normally I never believed in any of Frued's theories when I took all these psychology courses in college, but I have to agree with him on one thing - we do repress traumatic childhood memories. I had *completely* forgotten that I'd been abused as a child till a year or two ago. And then one day I dunno what I was thinking about - maybe my early childhood memories, I dunno - and it all came back to me. And slowly I started remembering everything. How I used to fake sleep or illness whenever it was Quran time and my parents saying that I was doing that just to get away from reading the effing Book whereas that was totally not the reason; and how the fucker put my hands on his dick and then made me use the same fingers to point at sacred verses. And this guy was a Mullah, a religious teacher !
Bastard. I have no doubt that the jerk will rot in hell.
This guy used to teach the Quran to many other kids in my apartment complex, and I now realize that almost certainly many of my childhood friends were also abused in the same way as me. Unless I was much a cuter kid than everyone else, which I wasn't. Its sad that none of us ever went up to our parents and put an end to it, but after reading up a lot on child abuse, its pretty normal for kids not to tell their parents, for watever reasons. Thankfully I don't blame myself for it, which seems to be the typical scenario in most abuse cases.
From the many many rumors I've heard, the Mullahs are responsible for much worse stuff to kids, specially in the Madrassahs (religious schools). I have no memory of this person actually touching me, but I wouldn't be surprised if that had happened and I've just blocked it. I really hope that the US decides that all these madrassahs are just teaching kids to be terrorists (which probably also happens; at the very least, US-hate is certainly professed), and bombs the entire Mullah population. And while we're at it, they should shoot all the teachers in the northern Pakistani province also, where recently child abuse cases had been uncovered - the school staff, everyone from teachers to the watchmen had been abusing kids for the past 20 fucking years, in various schools, and now that the scandal is brought to the public, some motherfuckers of the MMA (the mullah-filled religious political ruling party of the province) are actually saying that things are being blown out of proportion !!!
And that's why I fucking HATE THE MULLAHS.
===== Part 2 ======
A few years back I read about a study on some area in Pakistan which concluded that 89% of the boys were sexually abused in some form, from fondling, kissing etc right upto extreme cases of rape. I don't believe at all that the report was exagerrated. And anywayz, numbers and statistics become meaningless to you if you are part of that statistic. I unfortunately was. Several times.
When I was around 11-12 years old, I started swimming. Then one day, this guy who was a regular at the pool offered to give me free lessons in the deep pool. Of course I was excited to be a big boy who can go swim in the deep pool. Also, I wasn't really concerned about the whole 'don't talk to strangers' thing coz I'd told my mother was there at the shallow pool watching my sister etc, and she could see me from a distance. So it wasn't like I was gonna get kidnapped or anything.
So then this guy started with his swimming "lessons", which included him putting his hands in my trunks to get "a better grip" to help me float and everything. Sick fuck.
Fortunately (?) this was just a one-time thing. Despite my mother saying how nice it was for the guy to help me out, I told her that he wasn't a good instructor, and that I'd rather swim in the not-deep area (didn't tell the real reason). After that, whenever I saw the bastard in the pool, I'd panic & just swim away to another area.
A few days later my mother mentioned to another instructor how this person once helped her son for free & found out that how he took kids out to the deep pool and did stuff to them, but the management simply could not refuse him entry or take any action b'coz he was a big-shot in the Pakistan Peoples Party, the ruling political party at that time. So the worst that happened was that my mother shouted at him in front of everyone at the pool for ever daring to go near her son & the person changed the time when he came so that it wouldn't clash with ours. Go Mom !!!
A few months later (was I just so cute that this stuff kept happening to me ?!?!?), I was in the gym near the pool, playing around with the machines (I was still too small to actually lift weights or anything). I was alone there, and then this 40-something guy (not the sick fuck from the pool) comes up, and starts telling me how to actually work out on the machine I was fiddling around with. This time though I was much more sensible, and within a minute of the guy's fondling and him saying that lets show each other our dicks, I was out of there making some getting-late excuse.
I really wish this weren't such a taboo topic in society so that children are aware and know when to run away from such situations. Parents often talk about not taking candy from strangers, then why don't kids get a talk from their parents about telling them AT ONCE if something like this happens. I wish some kid had the courage to tell his/her parents about the Mullah (from part one), or that some legal action had been taken against the pool-guy who was just too powerful coz of his political affiliations.
This is just the second time I've talked about what happened to me, the first time being anonymously on some net forum. And even though I barely remembered the Mullah thing, its still hard to talk about it without getting all riled up.
PS:
To my parents, if you ever read this (which would be never, since they're totally technologically challenged): Its ok, I turned out fine & successful & have great friends etc, and although sexual abuse is a big deal, thankfully for me it wasn't a defining moment that affected me in some really drastic way. And you're great parents and I love you.
To my best friend, there's a very small chance that you might read this if you try to search for my blog, in which case just tell me if you do read this.
To everyone else who knows me in real life (OTOH, my net persona on this blog & the forums I frequent seems more and more real to me
) - I don't really care if you read this, but even if you do, don't bother mentioning it to me coz I just don't need to hear it. I'd just appreciate it if you don't spread the story. Otherwise, I really don't bother if you do or do not know about something that happened to me 15 years ago.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. It feels real good getting this off my chest. And I dunno, I feel somewhat brave too
.
( No editing has been done on this post, Lloydy )
