My story *warning of possible triggers*
So I've been on here for a few weeks now, I was able to write an introduction but it's taken me until now to get the courage for this.
So I was a happy kid, loved school, sent to primary school and happily went to secondary school which for the first year was great. Then shortly after i turned 12 I started to be abused by a teacher. It went on for a couple of years then shortly after I turned 14 he raped me on a school trip. After that he never touched me again, I always assumed he had got what he wanted. It started off small, insignificant things like putting his arm around me for a bit too long or making sexual comments, which as a 12 year old I shrugged off and thought nothing of. Then it rapidly escalated, he would keep me behind after sports and get 'changed' exposing himself to me, I once got in trouble and received detention, as a way to get out of it he made me touch him. I did this as I was terrified of being in trouble so it meant that my parents didn't find out. This quickly escalated to more and more physical things on such a regular basis until I felt so scared to tell anyone I would do it to stop people knowing. My parents were both police officers and he would often tell me that if people knew it would ruin them. That if anyone ever knew, no one would believe me and he would ruin my life. It took me years to realise it was all just a mind fuck and part of his abuse and manipulation. On our school trip, me and some friends got caught with a bottle of alcohol, we got in trouble but he singled me out, he took me to his room where i expected to get told off and to do something for him but when I said no, he just turned and he raped me. It must have lasted a couple of minutes but it felt like it never ended. I hid in the toilets for most of that afternoon and I even threw my underwear away so no one would know.
It took until last year (17 years) for me to tell someone for the first time. I have always struggled to cope with it but have done for years, keeping it to myself, just smiling and getting on has just been my way. But now I feel like the lid is off and I can't put it back on. I've always felt like it was my fault, that I did something or said something that made him pick on me. That it was my fault and I could've stopped it. It's been on my mind every single day for the last 17 years.
So I was a happy kid, loved school, sent to primary school and happily went to secondary school which for the first year was great. Then shortly after i turned 12 I started to be abused by a teacher. It went on for a couple of years then shortly after I turned 14 he raped me on a school trip. After that he never touched me again, I always assumed he had got what he wanted. It started off small, insignificant things like putting his arm around me for a bit too long or making sexual comments, which as a 12 year old I shrugged off and thought nothing of. Then it rapidly escalated, he would keep me behind after sports and get 'changed' exposing himself to me, I once got in trouble and received detention, as a way to get out of it he made me touch him. I did this as I was terrified of being in trouble so it meant that my parents didn't find out. This quickly escalated to more and more physical things on such a regular basis until I felt so scared to tell anyone I would do it to stop people knowing. My parents were both police officers and he would often tell me that if people knew it would ruin them. That if anyone ever knew, no one would believe me and he would ruin my life. It took me years to realise it was all just a mind fuck and part of his abuse and manipulation. On our school trip, me and some friends got caught with a bottle of alcohol, we got in trouble but he singled me out, he took me to his room where i expected to get told off and to do something for him but when I said no, he just turned and he raped me. It must have lasted a couple of minutes but it felt like it never ended. I hid in the toilets for most of that afternoon and I even threw my underwear away so no one would know.
It took until last year (17 years) for me to tell someone for the first time. I have always struggled to cope with it but have done for years, keeping it to myself, just smiling and getting on has just been my way. But now I feel like the lid is off and I can't put it back on. I've always felt like it was my fault, that I did something or said something that made him pick on me. That it was my fault and I could've stopped it. It's been on my mind every single day for the last 17 years.