My Story: Trigger Warning
sherikama
New Registrant
I am sure many relate to the fact that it feels very hard telling our stories, and somehow, I want to minimize my story and say it was not that bad. But the truth is that my story changed my life regardless of how it is compared to others.
When I was 4 or 5 years old, my mother took us to her cousin's house often; they were best friends. Her cousin had a son who was about 13 and was going through puberty. One time, I was sleeping under the dining table while the adults were talking together, and he snuck under the table, put his hand on me gently, and pulled down my shorts and underwear. He began rubbing his penis against my hole; I remember feeling confused, not sure what to do, and remained quiet. Since then, every time I visited,d he would hide for me in rooms or the bathroom and force me to suck him, and he would try to force his penis inside me, and it would hurt. I wouldn't say I liked it initially, and I used to avoid leaving my mother's side. This became the norm for many years; he would abuse me all the time until he was able to penetrate me.
Eventually, I became used to it. I did not mind it anymore and began to enjoy it. Somehow, I started to mess around with kids my age in my all-boys school at the age of 6, and I was already hypersexual. I knew when an adult looked at me differently. Surprisingly, I grew up in a house with a lot of male help, and I used to walk around in short shorts when I was 12 or so. Many of the men took advantage of me, and I liked it; I felt like I had some power because I was able to seduce them. From then on, my body was an object to be used by others, which was affection to me. I would put myself in many dangerous situations during my early teens just to get that intimacy with anyone until one time, I ended up getting raped by this 6"4 man, and I still thought nothing of it. I thought that this was what I deserved. I never felt safe or I belonged because of those experiences, and because I grew up around very angry and violent parents, I could not go to them for help. Now, as an adult, of course, I got used to getting into unhealthy relationships and never feeling at home anywhere. Keeping everyone at arm's length and trying always to be perfect. I am finally sick and tired of my patterns of running and pushing people away, and I want to begin feeling safe finally. Hopefully, this is the beginning of opening up and finding a home here.
When I was 4 or 5 years old, my mother took us to her cousin's house often; they were best friends. Her cousin had a son who was about 13 and was going through puberty. One time, I was sleeping under the dining table while the adults were talking together, and he snuck under the table, put his hand on me gently, and pulled down my shorts and underwear. He began rubbing his penis against my hole; I remember feeling confused, not sure what to do, and remained quiet. Since then, every time I visited,d he would hide for me in rooms or the bathroom and force me to suck him, and he would try to force his penis inside me, and it would hurt. I wouldn't say I liked it initially, and I used to avoid leaving my mother's side. This became the norm for many years; he would abuse me all the time until he was able to penetrate me.
Eventually, I became used to it. I did not mind it anymore and began to enjoy it. Somehow, I started to mess around with kids my age in my all-boys school at the age of 6, and I was already hypersexual. I knew when an adult looked at me differently. Surprisingly, I grew up in a house with a lot of male help, and I used to walk around in short shorts when I was 12 or so. Many of the men took advantage of me, and I liked it; I felt like I had some power because I was able to seduce them. From then on, my body was an object to be used by others, which was affection to me. I would put myself in many dangerous situations during my early teens just to get that intimacy with anyone until one time, I ended up getting raped by this 6"4 man, and I still thought nothing of it. I thought that this was what I deserved. I never felt safe or I belonged because of those experiences, and because I grew up around very angry and violent parents, I could not go to them for help. Now, as an adult, of course, I got used to getting into unhealthy relationships and never feeling at home anywhere. Keeping everyone at arm's length and trying always to be perfect. I am finally sick and tired of my patterns of running and pushing people away, and I want to begin feeling safe finally. Hopefully, this is the beginning of opening up and finding a home here.