My story and recovery TRIGGER WARNING

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newAJ22

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I've never really put this in words and it's been over 20 years now but here goes.

I was abused from the age of 10 until 12. He was 19 when it started and was one of my youth baseball coaches. I never knew my dad and only had a sister so he became like a big brother to me. My mom wasn't always able to pick me up from practices or games so he would take me home sometimes. This is when it happened. Almost always it was in his truck but there were a few times at my house. He was asking about my underwear and what kind I wore under my uniform the first time he touched me. I was scared but afraid to tell him that. Things progressed slowly over a few weeks, eventually I was pulling my pants and underwear down. As it went on, most of the time he would masturbate himself while he played and sucked on my penis. I did touch him but it wasn't every time. I sucked his penis maybe a few times but the majority of it was just him doing things to me. This went on for three summers when I played ball. I knew it was wrong but he made me believe it was a special thing that was between us. I liked being with him as twisted as it was.

It all blew up the summer I was 12 when he was caught with a boy who was 7. It all came out at that point. I told my mom it happened to me too and talked with the police and it was terrifying. It was believed we were the only two who had abused. He was charged and did end up getting time in prison. It was a plea deal so I never had to go to court or deal with seeing him.

I was a mess after that. My teen years were hard. At puberty I became obsessed with masturbation. I remember getting a few friends to masturbate with me. I lost friends because of it. I struggled with my sexuality. I thought about guys more but was interested in girls. I never dated in high school but did date a few women when I was older but nothing was ever serious.

Therapy has helped me so much especially the last 10 years. I think a site like this is so needed. It means so much to connect with others who understand.
 
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