My So-Called Father

[Wuamei]

Chuck:

My SA was from at least 2-11. For the last about 2 years I've been remembering them pretty much in reverse chronological order. Just in the last few days I recalled further instances of CSA by my father when I was maybe even younger.

This has involved flashbacks and clearer memories only in the last couple years. Before that it was undefined body & sensory memories, with occasional
fuzzy snapshots as far as pictures go.

It has taken 13 years & 4 T's to progress this far; only with my current T did the CSA start to come out. If you don't have a good T it's not the
cure-all but most people I know find it very helpful I know I have.

The important thing is to increase your trust in yourself and in what memories--body, sensory, clear, faded, whatever--you are having. Don't doubt the truth of your reality painful as it was becuz it can be better.

Chuck I say this as someone who almost totally dissociated & suppressed everything for 35 years after my last CSA event. Every picture, every feeling, every sense I had about my CSA seemed as tho it happened to someone I knew but not me.

That may have something to do with how little I knew myself; I didn't want to know myself. Now I want to, usually..."Know thyself"--simple but makes good sense.

Know yourself Chuck know your truth and know you can be in control now, with some help & support.

TC & TTYL

Victor

 

[Wuamei]

Ernie Bob:

Thanks for your kind words & your prayers. Yes there is help & support here. Keep venting brother; if we don't let off the steam it will burn us up from the inside out.

The best defense we have to stop the maddness is to learn from what happened to us and provide a good environment for our own children. One of support, encouragement. Not be so wrapped up in ourselves and our needs that history repeats itself. Be strong, be glad you have recognized the abuse, it is an uphill battle but, it can be won.

Good words Ernie. Our best revenge against our abusers is to live a healthy, joyful, non-abusive life, in all our own relationships & our own families.

Victor

 

[chuck]

Victor,
You tell me to trust yourself and in what memories, body, sensory...It can be better.
The Psychologist I am working with has helped me. This is the second time that I worked with a T and this time it seems to be unlocking memories. My 1st T and I ended very frustrating. He told me I was holding something back and I couldn't figure out what he was hearing from me.
Now I have PTSD, physical evidence, some and limited memories, nightmares, phantom pain.

Trust is the most difficult part to deal with. My trust in myself is small and I keep telling my T that I have to fight with myself just to accept that this has happened. I have invented such a perfect family life is hard to let this go and trust me. Their lies and my lies have made have grown so immense, it is tough to dig through all this crap. But the past 7 months have helped and keep digging through this junk, it hurts, but I feel better. It is tough everyday, but I have made up mind that I will work on this stuff to make my life better for me and my family. Thanks for your support.

Chuck

 

[Wuamei]

Chuck:

Of course it's hard for us to trust ourselves. We've been so deceived by our perps our families by people telling us it didn't happen not to talk about it.

You've been thru a lot and it sounds to me like you are making some good steady progress. Take your time, take care of yourself & take it easy on yourself.

Victor