my recent trigger

my recent trigger
T

time2heal

Registrant
There are times when I feel I have no control over aspects of my life as I did when I was child. As a child I would get backed into a corner and then lash out usually fights where I had no choice but to protect myself. I sometimes would put myself in that situation and take out my hate and anger on those who hurt me. My abuser should have been the one to receive it but did not until much later. I used this anger to fuel my aspirations and be my motivation but it also was an uncontrollable monster at times.
As an adult I do not physically lash out but have with my words usually towards my wife because she is close. The anger turns to frustration to depression and then cycles again. I try to see the cause because my trigger can be from unrelated things sometimes. Currently I have a boss who uses intimidation and fear of reprisal much like an abuser to control those under him. He was my trigger and I have stood up and went above him to fix the issues related to him. It hurts me more to see the effects from him on others than on myself. I do not know the end result yet but it could go either way. Time will tell but at least I can say I stood up to protect myself and the others.
 
Standing up against the boss is a courageous thing to do.
Standing up for others, yes, I have done that many times in the past, often against the boss.

The "control" thing is pretty much conditioned into me too, I did not want that control as a kid, but it was my only safety net.
Keeping control of what I likened to some steam vessel waiting to blow its lid off.

I have dispersed most of the anger, but the control thing still lies within me.
Wish none of us had it, we dont need it anymore, but it is conditioned from past events.

Putting the anger and blame back on those who caused it, is the best you can do.
Then try and break down the barriers in life, which is pretty much harder,

ste
 
time2heal,

I, like you, have used anger as my emotion of choice all these years, so I can relate to what you just shared.

This is a milestone for you, I'm sure. You've recoginzed the trigger, taken the anger, and turned it to the benefit of others, or at least attempted to do so. Many people will never realize what a huge step that is for guys like us. You are to be congratulated.

Lots of love,

John
 
Well, I don't know quite how to express myself.

I was off work today and they fired a long time coworker (10 years) in the company for a crap reason. He told me when he called that he thinks I am next. I rocked the boat and it looks like the payback is coming. I feel more disappointed than anything I guess. I know that with my 8 1/2 years in and my record of excellence I will win a wrongful termination suit. The added stress isn't helping me. I almost feel like I am glad it will be over but I want to fight. I guess tommorrow will tell me what will happen in my situation.
 
time2heal,

A lot of us have had to deal with bullying, abusive or manipulative supervisors, so we know the sort of courage it takes to stand up to them. I just hope you have been careful and have documentation and support to back you up.

Let's just see what tomorrow brings. There may be nothing to worry about, but if there is it sounds like you are well prepared to defend yourself. However it goes, I hope you will feel free to talk about it here. We are all here for you bro.

Much love,
Larry
 
Another thing about bullying is LEARN that what you hate on the outside is always present on the inside, which means the bullying that you see is actually happening in you as well, when you stop yourself from speaking up. Then you are bullying yourself and giving away your power to bullyies.

That is what happened when you were child, but I am happy you have used that as a learning experience and said Enough!

That is why what you are doing is so much more important, because you are not just building your self esteem but also your self respect, you respect your self by respecting your own power and are make sure others do the same, so bravo!

Lately I have experienced that my abuse experience has made me extra sensitive to ANY abuse of power, so no matter where it is happening, how or under what pretext I cant sit quiet and allow it to happen I have to express what I feel. And that remains my chanllenge and my opportunity to turn abuse experience into an assest.
 
I'll be sending good thought your way today, my friend. Keep us posted when you can.

Lots of love,

John
 
Timetoheal - whatever happens, do what is best for you, but stick to your guns if you can.

I am a Production Supervisor with obvious targets to achieve. The only time we do not achieve them, is when we do not receive the materials in time to do the job!

Before I found the strength to take the perv to court, I would take a kicking for nothing when we missed targets due to material shortages.

When I started to fight back against the perv, it triggered something in me that makes me fight injustice!

Probably around this time last year, a 'manager' tried to give myself and a Team Leader a kicking for missing targets (no materials available). The three of us were in a small office when the lecture started! Within seconds I kicked back and told him that he was being highly offensive, that if everyone else in the company put as much effort in as both myself and said Team Leader, then we would achive far more than we did at that time. He is/was an internet abuser, until I got it stopped (2 hours work / 6 hours surf).

He tried to go on the attack again, and I told him the exact reality of the situation - he's never done it again!

It takes a lot to fight back, but if you know that you are right, then they have no argument!

I don't care who I bollock at work now in the Management Strata - if I am right, I am right! I refuse to justify myself, when it is their performance that is lacking!

*Note, if I am wrong, I am also wrong and admit it!

Best wishes ...Rik
 
Update to whats going on. It did not end yet and has been consuming a lot of time. I actually hired an attorney Monday and let them know I have council today. I should have results tommorrow. If I was 10 years younger I would dropped this guy because I would have raged on him.
 
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