My Own Hands (TRIGGER)
I had an amazing treatment yesterday with my Craniosacral therapist. I have really chronic jaw and neck problems, so I see her on a pretty regular basis. I don't really understand how it works (my chiropractor recommended it initially) but it's sort of along the lines of massage, but it somehow concentrates on the bones that affect the spine and neck.
She knows I have suffered trauma, but not specifically SA. She is very gentle and always makes sure that she tells me how to find an out if something is difficult for me. (She sometimes has to put her fingers inside my mouth for the jaw work, and makes sure I can tell her non-verbally if I need her to stop.)
While she had her hands on my hip bones, I had a new flashback. I opened my eyes to try to make it go away, but it didn't work. I told her that I needed her to stop and pushed her hands away. She asked if I was triggered and I said yes. And she took my hands and gently put them on my hip bones and said, "You put your own hands there now Sean." Needless to say, the statement hit home.
It reduced me to tears and I started shaking and got cold which always happens after a flashback.
I don't know why it was so powerful... it was just the fact that I knew she knew what I was remembering without even telling her. And that she didn't just stop doing what was uncomfortable, but went on to the next step of empowering me out of the memory. It was like she was saying that no one had a right to ever touch me and that I was the only one who could right the wrongs.
In that one statement it was like she helped me to undo, at least a little bit, the belief that I deserved what I got as a kid.
She knows I have suffered trauma, but not specifically SA. She is very gentle and always makes sure that she tells me how to find an out if something is difficult for me. (She sometimes has to put her fingers inside my mouth for the jaw work, and makes sure I can tell her non-verbally if I need her to stop.)
While she had her hands on my hip bones, I had a new flashback. I opened my eyes to try to make it go away, but it didn't work. I told her that I needed her to stop and pushed her hands away. She asked if I was triggered and I said yes. And she took my hands and gently put them on my hip bones and said, "You put your own hands there now Sean." Needless to say, the statement hit home.
It reduced me to tears and I started shaking and got cold which always happens after a flashback.
I don't know why it was so powerful... it was just the fact that I knew she knew what I was remembering without even telling her. And that she didn't just stop doing what was uncomfortable, but went on to the next step of empowering me out of the memory. It was like she was saying that no one had a right to ever touch me and that I was the only one who could right the wrongs.
In that one statement it was like she helped me to undo, at least a little bit, the belief that I deserved what I got as a kid.
