my mother

my mother
T

Trevor

Registrant
i'm SO dreading going over there this weekend!
but if i try and blow her off she makes me
feel wicked guilty, then she gets drunk and
keeps calling and calling
every time i go over there she acts like
shes all happy to see me, then she starts
drinking and she goes out to party so i end
up sitting there all nite wondering if shes
coming back, when she does come back she
always brings some stupid fucking back with
her and then i have to listen to them going
at it all night and theres been other times
with her bf that she sees off and on who
throws her around slaps her around and they
beat the shit out of each other when there
both drunk. which is like always! feel like
im there to fucking babysit her. she gets
drunk and she gets mad at me cuz i didnt keep
in touch with her when she left, what the fuck
is up with that? i was 5 friging years old
when she left! i dont know what her problem is,
shes either all over me saying how much she
misses me and loves me or shes drunk and
yelling/hitting/blaming me for everything that
went wrong in her life or shes wasted on pills
and trying to get in my pants like the whore
that she is!
so she said shes back with her bf again. so this
is gonna be a fun weekend NOT
im not getting in the middle of it this time if
she wants to be with him and get her ass kicked
thats her choice
:mad:
 
Trev,

This is a terrible situation for you and not healthy by any stretch of the imagination. Your mother needs to clean up her act, but there is little you can do to compel her to do that. Your real priority has to be keeping YOURSELF safe. It is not safe for a teenage boy to be stuck in a home where the adults are drunk and battering each other and blaming the boy for their own failings.

Can you talk to your Dad about this? Is there any reason why you cannot refuse to go to your mother's place?

If this is a problem as well, I personally think you should seek help elsewhere. You could tell your school counselor, for example, or call a teen crisis helpline. And Trevor, this DOES sound like a crisis to me.

Please know you are NOT alone. Talk about anything you need to here, and I am sure you will find a lot of understanding and support.

Much love,
Larry
 
dude if u find my dad lemme know id
love to have a word with him!
dont worry about it i shouldnt have
said all that, its not really all that
bad, i was just freaking out, mostly
when im there shes ok and its pretty
quiet theres just been a couple of times
like that.
thanks
 
Trev,

Sorry bro, I didn't know your dad had done a runner. But don't regret a word you said! You said how you felt at that moment, and that's fine. Now you have calmed down, and that's even better. But when you are boiling inside the answer isn't to tell yourself to shut up and keep it all stuffed back and hidden. If you do that you are asking for big trouble. Why? Because all that crap will just explode out later on if you don't allow it out yourself.

Please believe that you are not doing or saying anything here that we haven't all said or done at some time ourselves. Dealing with abuse sucks, and that's a fact. Doing all this hard work takes a lot of energy and emotional input, and sometimes our feelings just fly out in all directions.

Much love,
Larry
 
why are you being so
fucking nice to me
anyway?
 
Let me see...do you want the wise ass answer or the true answer?

L.
 
is that a trick question?
ru playing a jedi mind trick on me?
 
Trev, if you bother to look at the previous year on the discussion board, you will notice that roadrunner has spent countless hours helping other people that have come here looking for answers and help. Yes, he's being nice to you and extending his experience and wisdom on your behalf, but not just you.

That having been said, if you don't like going to your Mom's, then DON'T go and give your (step parents?) the exact same reasons you have listed on this thread. It's a perfectly reasonable request.
 
if it was as easy as just not going dont
u think i would have figured that out already?
i dont speak to my stepfather and he has
nothing to do with it.
and ya dude i know hes being nice, i was
just being a wiseass
 
that's cool, I just wasn't sure. Trev, who DO you live with then? Just one step parent? Is that the only one that you can talk to?
 
i live with my stepsister and her husband.
shes real nice and so is he
but i cant talk to her about this. i dont
want her to get hurt
 
Thanks Hauser, and no Trev, no trick question. What you are asking is a serious question and deserves an answer.

The answer is that I (and others) are nice to you because you are hurting, angry and confused and you are asking for our help and support. That isn't easy to do. We know. We have all been where you are now, and for most of us there simply WASN'T any source of support like this place offers now. Until my abuser tricked my best friend and got us doing things together with him, I genuinely thought that I was the only boy in the world this was happening to. That was a devastating feeling. I also began to feel worthless, and that was just as bad. I didn't even try to get away or talk the abuser out of things anymore; I didn't think I deserved any better than what I was getting from him.

So it doesn't surprise me that you ask why anyone would support or help you. Perhaps you feel the same way, that you don't DESERVE support or help.

But you do, my friend. You deserve it because you are Trevor and you have been devastatingly hurt. What has happened to you (and all the rest of us) is in my opinion the worst thing that can be done to a boy. It was never your fault and you did nothing wrong. You have taken a very courageous step now in showing up here, and you will get support and friendship here simply because you DO deserve it. Everyone does.

That doesn't change if you come rolling into the site angry and raging. Let it fly! This is one place where everyone will understand why you are doing that. No one will judge you for that. Never feel afraid to say how you feel. That really is the first step in fighting back, as I just said in another reply to you on another thread.

Much love,
Larry
 
Well, the reasons listed above for not wanting to go have nothing to do with your abuse right?

The reasons are all about your Mom's questionable lifestyle and habits. Hell, I wouldn't want to hang out there either and I'm an adult!
 
Trev,

I know you were just messing around. ;) No problem. But then a bit later you say this:

but i cant talk to her about this. i dont
want her to get hurt
Click to expand...
The information about what happened to you is YOUR information, and you are the one who has to decide who should have it and when. But if your stepsister and her husband are supportive and nice, then you might want to consider telling them what happened to you.

You won't hurt them if you tell. They will be upset, yes, but they absolutely would want you to tell so they can help you. Right now they simply don't know what's going on, and unless you tell then they will remain in the dark.

I'm not saying tell them now, and I am not trying to push you. Just give it some thought and perhaps it's something to talk about.

Much love,
Larry
 
i dont wanna have this conversation
anymore
 
Okay, subject closed until (and if) you want to reopen it. I do understand how you feel.

Much love,
Larry
 
Trev,

Aha. That is NOT the same subject so I will reply. ;) You are not fucked up bro. You have been hurt really really bad and that fills you with a lot of very bad and confusing feelings, including feelings about yourself. It's not just you. This happens all the time with abused boys.

But you as Trevor are okay dude. It's what was done to you that's fucked up. And being left to cope with the impact of someone else's cruelty, that's fucked up. But you yourself are okay.

Much love,
Larry
 
Originally posted by Hauser:
Trev, if you bother to look at the previous year on the discussion board, you will notice that roadrunner has spent countless hours helping other people that have come here looking for answers and help. Yes, he's being nice to you and extending his experience and wisdom on your behalf, but not just you.
Click to expand...
I totally agree with Hauser. Roadrunner has unselfishly devoted a lot of his own time helping me and many others. I dare say that he practices Matt. 25:40--I tell you the truth, just as you do it for one of the least of these little ones, you do it unto Me."

Jesse
 
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