My long battle part 2, possible triggers

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My long battle part 2, possible triggers

This is me

Registrant
Hi.

I got help with my problems but where I live the mental health and abuse services are not very good, under funded and they just give you tablets or there's a one year waiting list.

Like many others I have struggled through it on my own, with little support other than from my wife and a close friend, it's been a really difficult time, severe depression and anxiety set in, feeling worthless and very alone for years, huge social problems, relationships were not great until I met my wife, I don't have many friends at all, never have and have been somewhat of a loner most of my life, being bullied at school and despicable behaviour from my so called father for years, plus my neighbour sexually abusing me has really screwed me up and a lack of care, love and understanding from both my parents.
Holding down a job is extremely difficult, no one wants to know if you can't hack it for whatever reason.
I spend a lot of time alone, no one seems to be interested in me at the moment maybe due to my depression as I get " your always grumpy, miserable " and when I try to explain because I am depressed etc they just don't seem to care much ( my mother and siblings).

I have occasions where I think, why me, what have I done to deserve this for so many years, all the pain, suffering, confusion, hatred etc.

I really hate my father, he did things you should never do to a child, nothing sexual as such but never ever being there for me, never taken any interest in anything I did or said, using physical violence and verbal degrading abuse against me most of my young life until I was able to hit back, insults and degrading continued but never to my face.

my mother is better but I can't forgive her for not standing by me more, not really taking an interest, I can't remember the last time I heard her say she loved me if ever, she used to hit me too but sometimes it went to far.

Over time I have begun to process what happened and I'm getting slightly better, understand it a bit more and my relationships with my mother and siblings are OK but not great.

My father I couldn't give a dam about.

Things are progressing slightly though, but it's one hell of a long and difficult road and I wish everyone a safe recovery on their own journeys of recovery.
 
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