My little guy

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My little guy

Mikey is my little guy. I connected with him in a powerful way last weekend.

For those of you who don't know, Michael was the name my first perp (stepdad) gave me. So for years, I was Mikey.

Mikey is now the joy of my life. Playing and talking again. I am finding out how I/we survived. But more than that. We are building a relationship. Going beyond the pain of what happened. He has taught me what real courage is. He has it and so do I. Together we cannot be stopped.

On the floor this morning, playing with our army men again, for the first time in over 40 years, I could feel him vibrant and alive. 'Course, we had to have his bear with us :D ! He likes that bear.

Play with your little guy. He wants to be the kid he should have been. Even if it seems a little stupid, play with him. And you will find he is still there. Just needs to be acknowledged and loved. We and our boys deserve that!

Marc
 
Marc,

look after Mikey, he is your spriritual survivor.
He looks after you, because, hey, you looked after him for so long.

You and Mikey have been through so much, he is brilliant, he is the brightest Star in the sky.
He lights up the World.

He can light up the skies, he can enlighten your spirit, he is there, he always has been. He can teach you so much about yourself.

He is your inner self, he is the one who brought you to be the man you are today, the strong man who dealt with so much. He is unassailable, he protects, but above all he still wants to play,

He is always there for you, and you for him.

I am glad you found him, and let him play,

ste :)
 
Ste,

Thank you for that. You put it so well. So poetically.

Mikey is not just a star in the sky. He is the star that makes me who I am. He's the boy I was and still can be.

When I met him last week, in the way it should have been, I looked up to the corner of the ceiling. That is where I went those days. And I told him "It's ok. You can come down now. No one will ever hurt you again".

Some may not believe this, but I know he was in that corner. And when I talked to him, he came down. He knows he is safe with me now.

So if I am crazy, let it be forever so. Because Mikey and I are together.

Marc

P.S. He REALLY loves that bear! :D
 
Marc,

I'm still in the process of truly connecting with my little guy, Little Scot (whom you know). Someday, he and I will relate in a way that goes beyind the pain he suffered and that we're both dealing with.

What you have with Mikey now, truly, is magic, and there's nothing crazy about it. It's something we all need to do because we were robbed of so much as kids (and adults!).

So you play with Mikey, talk to him, love him, and enjoy him because through that you'll get the magic of being a kid.

By the way, please tell me where I can buy a box of those green Army men, as well as the cowboys and prehistoric stuff. Little Scot and I want to play too.

Love,

Scot
 
Marc I think it is about time you took Mikey out into the world and had some fun with him. Make mudpies role is a swamp. Eat candy floss till you get sick. Walk in a rain storm. You know. Kids stuff. ;)
 
Hey Marc,

If you're crazy - so am I - and I like it that way!

It is wonderful that you and Mikey are together now

I really let TJ come out and play with Jenna and Jerek this weekend - it was a really fun time for all...

Take care,

TJ jeff

P.S. - TJ would be absolutely lost without his bear also...
 
Good for you, Marc and Mikey!

I spent a month carrying lil Bri-guy's monkey every where I went a couple of years ago. Anywhere he didn't feel safe or well cared for, we left. We walked out of class (I was in seminary at the time), a family dinner, a movie, and cut countless conversations short.

I spent three hours that first week walking up and down the aisles of a grocery store because I couldn't convince myself that it was worth the effort to actually cook a meal for myself (and Bri-guy). The notion that self-care was worthwhile and life-giving was so foreign I couldn't even make it out of the microwave dinners.

I got better at it, and Bri-guy and I bought a lot of play doh. We still carry a can with us about everywhere we go. It's amazing how the funny looks we get melt away once we offer to share a bit with a neighbor every now and then. Bri-guy has met all kinds of other little people in the process.

His monkey sits on the mantle in my bedroom most of the time now. He's got a couple of old friends who sit behind him. One is a squeaky-clean bear with a mortar board and a diploma, and the other is a wreslter that shouts "Pain is my middle name!" or "You're going down!" if you squeze him. For a long time Bri-guy lost his monkey, and the other two were all that we had. They're okay guys, and got us through some tough times, but we have a lot more fun these days when they stay on the shelf and it's just me, Bri-guy, the monkey, and some play doh!

Bri-guy has been a little more insistant about showing up in these days since the retreat. Tunrs out he hadn't gotten much attention recently. I'm thankful that he found some folks that encouraged to come back out and play.

Peace to you --
Brian
 
Speaking of inner selves---a really happy thing in so many ways---I had dream about five years ago...I was out in the woods playing some sort of commando game, or maybe it was real commandos (I sometimes have these great adventure story dreams)....anyway, there was this guy there with me and he had the most amazing smile...totally free and easy and comfortable and ready for anything. I could tell the dream was ending when the wierdest thing happened.He turned to me and said, "Don't forget me!" Then he smiled at me again and faded away. I've never forgotten his face.

That's never happened to me before. I meet lots of people in dreams but no one has ever realized we were dreaming and warned about it before the end.

I was in the middle of working on a novel at the time, and it was immediately clear to me that this guy was my main character, but it was only after lots more work on the book that I realized he was my inner self, that untouched totally free and easy person I could have been.

He's become a real example to me through working on the novel. As I see him move around and respond to things it's as though I'm watching my best self in action. It's very different from my inner child, who I also know pretty well. Instead he's complete, an adult me perfected.

That dream was the coolest and most wonderful I've ever had. I found a friend in it who's never left me, and now when I work on the book, I know I'm making him a beautiful world. A nice gift of return.

Danny
 
Danny, what a beautiful dream! I have had similar dreams where I am free and in abandon, but I never remember whether it was a moment of the past, or a look into the future.

You give me a persepective in what you dreamt, I hope it for us all, in the near future, it was the way we were supposed to be.

Thanks for sharing your dream, maybe you could start a thread on it.

ste
 
Thanks for the nice response, Ste...I'm glad the dream touched a chord... and it is always to know one is being heard! I'll go ahead and start that thread.

Danny
 
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