My Journey
fusionoflove
Registrant
Hey Everyone,
I just wanted to give everyone an update on how far I've been able to come since I started therapy. Well, I haven't had a panic attack since the beginning of June. I still suffer from high anxiety, but I think they will someday subside as well. I still dwell on things. For some reason, I tend to want to take responsibility for what happened. I've noticied that whenever I can accept myself being a victim so many of the issues I face subside. I'm really starting to think that the biggest issue facing me and a lot of other surviors is accepting that what happened to us is not our fault.
It's crazy because sometimes you'll have setbacks in recovery, but you look at far you've come and you know deep down you're doing the right thing. I think I still dwell on certain issues because of the shame and guilt within me. I said to a friend that I wished I was gay because I thought what happened to me wouldn't hurt so much. I thought that the problems I had with the rape would just go away, but then I'd have other issues to deal with. In the end no matter what happens or happened to me, I'm me. No one can change that.
A lot of people here suffer with a negative view on sexuality. I think that recovery allows us to get back to that intuitive sexual self. I honestly believe that every person on this planet is born with one. One of the issues I have to deal with is that sex is not about abuser and victim. Sex can be equal. For some reason, I've been at a point before where I feel that no woman will love me because of what happened. The only person who could would be another man. Maybe that my entire life would be spent being abused over and over again. As you can see or at least I can, being sexually abused tends to start to form your core being, but it doesn't. It doesn't take away from that. Look for the positive and it will add to it. Alright, this is starting to become a journal instead of asking questions or help. So take it easy everyone and good luck on your journey. Damn, I sometimes cry and cry whenever I visit this site. Most of you were abused as children and it amazes me how far you've been able to go in life. I was raped as an adult and can see how hard it's been for me. I don't know how you people do it. Thanks for your strength and perseverance.
Fusion
I just wanted to give everyone an update on how far I've been able to come since I started therapy. Well, I haven't had a panic attack since the beginning of June. I still suffer from high anxiety, but I think they will someday subside as well. I still dwell on things. For some reason, I tend to want to take responsibility for what happened. I've noticied that whenever I can accept myself being a victim so many of the issues I face subside. I'm really starting to think that the biggest issue facing me and a lot of other surviors is accepting that what happened to us is not our fault.
It's crazy because sometimes you'll have setbacks in recovery, but you look at far you've come and you know deep down you're doing the right thing. I think I still dwell on certain issues because of the shame and guilt within me. I said to a friend that I wished I was gay because I thought what happened to me wouldn't hurt so much. I thought that the problems I had with the rape would just go away, but then I'd have other issues to deal with. In the end no matter what happens or happened to me, I'm me. No one can change that.
A lot of people here suffer with a negative view on sexuality. I think that recovery allows us to get back to that intuitive sexual self. I honestly believe that every person on this planet is born with one. One of the issues I have to deal with is that sex is not about abuser and victim. Sex can be equal. For some reason, I've been at a point before where I feel that no woman will love me because of what happened. The only person who could would be another man. Maybe that my entire life would be spent being abused over and over again. As you can see or at least I can, being sexually abused tends to start to form your core being, but it doesn't. It doesn't take away from that. Look for the positive and it will add to it. Alright, this is starting to become a journal instead of asking questions or help. So take it easy everyone and good luck on your journey. Damn, I sometimes cry and cry whenever I visit this site. Most of you were abused as children and it amazes me how far you've been able to go in life. I was raped as an adult and can see how hard it's been for me. I don't know how you people do it. Thanks for your strength and perseverance.
Fusion