My Job is being impacted

My Job is being impacted
M

my_own_prison

Registrant
Hi All,

I have a bit of a problem. Over the past couple of months, since I have begun to address my past, my performance at work has suffered. I knew it was beginning to show so I told my boss about my past last week and that I had been struggling with it but I was seeking help. Well, today, I was hit with a "performance improvement" work sheet which is basically the way my company documents what they consider their bottom performers so they can wash their hands clean of me. I do admit I had issues at work this past 8 weeks but they haven't grounded me to a halt. I'm just so damn depressed now. My life is falling apart.
 
My own,

Do you have a doctor or a therapist that knows about the abuse? Because if you do and your company has more than 15 employees, you are covered under the American with Disablities Act. If they terminated you for something that is due to a covered condition, you would be able to sue for reinstatement and damages.

HTH,

Marc
 
prison,
marc is correct. the greater details of the legalities are something i am not familiar with, but when i was going the divorce and los of my son my performance suffered as well. i had been with the company for two years and was in a position of authority, but my performance was severely criticized by the direct supervisor. your t should be able to help you prepare for any questions your company, or your potential lawyer might have. there is also holiday time you might be intitiled to. you are not defenseless relative to this.
 
dear my own,

i can big time relate. i hate the chicken shit documentation we do, have done on us, and i have done on others.

for the past almost three months, i slipped in to depression, started therapy, my co-workers, employees, and bosses can tell something is wrong with me. i even have started drinking more but not everyday. i think they saw a few hangovers too. no, i am sure they have. i've tried to medicate with sex, women, going out- but that has not helped much.

i can't tell them for fear of being ostracised. my t helps me some here. i when and if i get called to the carpet, will say i have been thorugh a depression stage due to my recent g/f break up and have been going to couples counseling. it sucks i would have to bend the truth or at the least not be fortcoming as i did orignalaly go there for an adjustment dis-order after the break up. only after that have i come clean about my s.a.

jobs are important, i hate that we are dependent on having income instead of taking care of ourselves. i however, need to be "fixed". i am willing to get canned if that is the case, go on
un-employment if needs be, scale down on my expenses, and whatever to try to get healed. i can't handle hiding this anymore after 31 years. it affects everything i do , have done, my relationships, etc.. and i was too thick headed or tried to be too tough to even acknowledge it.

don't get me wrong, i would hate to lose my job. but if that is part of the cost, my abuser fucked me up already, that will just be one more ring on the ladder.

sorry if i am not much help, i just can so relate.

take care my friend, good luck, i do hope you will be o.k. with whatever the outcome.

guy
 
My-Own-Prison:

I am so angry (not at you) reading your post and didn't quite know how to respond at first.

I am angry because I have encouraged people to involve their bosses/managers/supervisors if they thought that they could help (as mine did). I am so ****ing annoyed that you have met with neandrethal attitudes and have not received the support that you should have.

At least now I know what makes me angry, but that doesn't help you.

I only know a bit about UK employment laws, but not about USA Employment Laws - is there anyone else here that can help with this type of information / advice.

One way to win is to defeat this thing & show them that you are the best they have (and then you can tell them what a bunch of ****s they were when you really needed them).

Come on, show them...best wishes ..Rik
 
Me, Too!

Coincidence or not????

I told my boss about a year ago about my struggles and SA history. We used to be very close and she counted on my as her right hand man.

This school year she has recognized me on a very limited scale. She has seemed distant and does not come to me much at all. In two personell issues (one where I was accused by a female teacher of inappropriate sexual toucha nd diolgue, and threatening and scaring her) I was not supported, helped, and so on.

I was very disappointed and was glad to take a summer break!

PEACE! HOPE! LOVE!

TJ :confused:
 
I am glad you recieved some good responses here, I do not know I would have known what to say. Work is sancturary to me. I am in different place there, I am different person there, and I think it has helped to keep me sane through this. But I do not work in a structure environment, and would probably not do so good in such thing, as business or something. I hope that you are able to get help, and feel better at work. Good luck.

Leosha
 
My_own_prison,

This is the kind of thing that impacts every part of our lives. It's so deeply impacted in who we are that there is no "quick and clean" way to extract it. It's not surprising at all that other things in life feel the effects.

You posted a week ago or so about looking for a T. Have you found somebody? They would be likely to know what legal issues surround this. Their other clients probably face this kind of difficulty, too. So that would be one more way it could help you to find a T.

I hope things get better for you soon.

Joe
 
I sat down with my manager yesterday and talked in-depth about what has been going on with me. He said tha he wasn't turning in anything to our HR dept. that he just wanted to "coach" me to help me grow and improve in my job. It was a constructive talk but he has no idea where I'm coming from. He's from India, and I don't think you will find many men in India openly talking about CSA as adults. I don't think the India culture accepts this kind of thing very well.

In any case, I have a new "drive" to show him that I am a damn good Engineer. He said he knows I have it in me and he feels that I will quickly turn my job performance around.

I STILL have not found a T. I have called a dozen PhD's and only one has called back. We played phone tag for the past couple of days, so I hope to talk with him today. FYI - I want a PhD because I feel I may need meds to cope with this crap when it really starts to hit the fan.

I have a lot of "crap" to deal with. As if being abused by two men from the age of 6 to 12 isn't bad enough, there's this other thing that happened to me at age 23. I was in the Navy. It happend just before the first Gulf War in 1990. I won't go into details but I will just say that 21 sailors died right before my eyes. I tried to save them and did manage to save a few but I can't seem to shake the image of one dead sailor lying on the deck while a Navy medic performed CPR on him. I lent assistance but it was too late. Last fall I went to a Navy reunion. One of my friends from those days who is now a Master Chief brought up the event. He said he felt the ferry I was on caused some of the deaths because we rode over to where the other ferrry sank and probably ran over other sailors on the way because it was at nite. I was the one that directed the ferry captain to drive the ferry over and lend assistance. Did I kill some that may have been saved? I need a drink now...Oh crap, it's only 8:40 in the morning. I guess I'll wait until tonight.
 
My_own_prison,

In no way are you responsible for hurting anyone who may or may not even have been in your path. You were trying to help people that you knew for a fact needed help. That a**h*le Master Chief might be looking for a scapegoat to assuage his own traumatic "survivor's guilt" feelings.

Please do get a T. You are carrying much too heavy a load, and you've borne it far too long.

BTW, it's an MD, not a PhD, who can prescribe meds. Lots of guys get a T that's "comfortable" and then a separate pill doc. I'm not on any meds myself (though there are times when I wonder why not), so it's not a given that you will need them.

Please go easy on yourself.

Joe
 
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