My idea of A book for male survivors.

[jwwells]

My idea of a book for male victims. In exceedingly short form:

Whatever the crap is which hurt you; it is not your fault. You are not responsible for other peoples bad behaviour: You are responsible for your behaviour, both bad and good.

How you respond to the crap is your problem and your fault if your response is bad.

Similarly, you are responsible for your own good behaviour, never fail to give yourself a deserved pat on the back. While you are not responsible for other peoples good behaviour, you are responsible for giving out pats on the back whenever needed.

You are worthy of love and good treatment: You are worthy of giving out love and good treatment.

There are people who love you, including me: There are people who need your love, including me.

How we treat others says the most about who we are. How we treat those who are in a position of inferiority to us, says everything about who we are.

You help yourself by helping others. Keeping quiet, telling no one, does you harm. Telling no one, keeping quiet, hurts other innocent people and that is your problem.

We help ourselves by "faking it until we make it." We must act like we are whole until we are whole. You are how you think you are: Change the way you think and you change who you are.

Take some time every day to:
Play
Rest
Think
Pray
Talk
Help others
Help yourself
Work
Revel in joy

While recovering, write a journal. Write down every thought which has any emotional connection at all. Look at the past, present and the future. Ask yourself "What things are within my power to change?" Change those things. Ask yourself "What things are beyond my power to change?" Pray about those things.

jw

 

[Dan88]

All good thoughts, JW.

I'd just suggest adding: Don't forget to love yourself.

Or maybe you can save that for Vol. 2

 

[Leosha]

Excellent post, and excellent ideas. I think they all are true. I specially am glad that you remind us that our behaviors, whether they are good or bad, they are of us and our control. So we should celebrate doing good things, helping people, helping ourself. And should take responsibility for anything negative we do. To not accept responsibility, I think, keeps us as victims. Very few people find that attractive enough to wish to stay there.

leosha