My "Icky" Part (Trigger Warning)
Hello Brothers,
I’ve been a member of this group for a while now, chatted with a few great guys and posted a little. Today I’ve decided to post a little more of my story. Maybe it will help if others can relate.
To give some background, I grew up in a family with one sister, only girl cousins and aunts, for most of my childhood. Being the only boy, I guess I kind of felt singled out a lot, not having anyone to relate to.
My parents divorced when I was 7 and my mom had full custody. We moved in with my mom’s sister and she would watch my sister and I when my mom went to work. My mom left my aunt to basically raise us as her job required her to travel for weeks at a time. I was given a bath by her almost every night.
TRIGGER WARNING!
The first time my aunt went to bathe me. She led me to the bathroom and turned the water on. She told me to take my clothes off but right before I got to my underwear I stopped. I asked her to leave and she said I couldn’t do it myself and then she swiftly pulled my underwear off. I tried to cover myself and she forced my hands away after I got into the tub and proceeded by her laughingly saying, “is that little thing the reason you’re so embarrassed?” I remember feeling like everything was a blur and being frozen. I still have this sick feeling when I think about it.
She soaped up my body using her hands and a wash cloth and spent a very long time on my private parts.
She told me she needed to clean under my skin (I’m uncircumcised) and I didn’t know what she was talking about and despite me telling her how much it hurt, she pulled the skin back all the way. I felt this stinging pain, because that had never been done before. I was super sensitive and I was squirming while she was rubbing the washcloth around the head.
I know this is probably too much info but, I have never talked about this and it feels somewhat relieving to bring it up now.
She scrubbed through all of my shuddering and resistance. It hurt and it was embarrassing. She said it only hurt because I don’t clean it properly, with her sadistic tone she always had.
She then started on about how my mom should have just had my skin cut off “here” as she pinched the tip of my foreskin between her index and middle finger, making a scissor hand gesture. She said it would be so much cleaner without it. She then started to call it my “icky” part because it could never be clean enough to her satisfaction. So, I grew up being fed that it was this dirty, extra piece. And I’m still very insecure about it.
Next time she wanted to give me a bath I protested and she said, “ok then your “thing” is going to get dirty and we’ll have to cut the “icky” part off, do you want that?” She said that whenever I didn’t want a bath from her.
Writing this, I’m just so shocked at how forward she was about it. I think she liked to humiliate me.
I always tried to brace myself before she’d yank my foreskin back. She’d pin it back far, like farther than I’d go today, pinching the skin, and keep it like that for what felt like an eternity. Afterwards my testicles would ache and the tip of my penis would sting. I remember it being bright red.
She always made comments if there was any small amount of debris or buildup while scrunching up her nose. She’d tell me I wasn’t keeping my “thing” clean and what did I tell you about your “icky” part? And that she was going to talk to my mom about it. (Not sure if that ever happened). She was rough with it. She would then scratch it off with her nails like it was a stain on a shirt. Today I hate seeing any woman with long nails, it reminds me of that. I hate her so much, and I hate how she treated a sensitive part of me. I grew to hate being uncut BECAUSE OF HER.
Later on, erections started to happen when my aunt was “cleaning” my penis vigorously. She’d laugh and tease me about it. I would tell her to stop and she’d say, “Why, are you enjoying it? Boy’s things only get big if they enjoy it.” I remember crying and then was told that I needed to learn to control my “thing” as she continued to fondle me and giggle.
There was no one in the house except for us and my sister who thought it was hilarious and would sometimes watch. My aunt would also invite her friends over and she’d talk to them while bathing me, like it was no big deal. My “unusual” penis almost always got brought up. A friend of hers said something like, “Oh he still has the skin there? That's strange.”
It wasn’t bad enough to feel like there was something wrong with my penis, but to have my sister and older women watch and laugh still makes me sick to my stomach. I think I need to stop here. I have much more I can go into but, I'll just pause right now and save it for another day.
Thank you to whoever took the time to read this. Feel free to reach out directly, I'm always open to chat. I feel it helps with my recovery to put it out there and hear that I'm not alone.
Take care of yourselves brothers.
I’ve been a member of this group for a while now, chatted with a few great guys and posted a little. Today I’ve decided to post a little more of my story. Maybe it will help if others can relate.
To give some background, I grew up in a family with one sister, only girl cousins and aunts, for most of my childhood. Being the only boy, I guess I kind of felt singled out a lot, not having anyone to relate to.
My parents divorced when I was 7 and my mom had full custody. We moved in with my mom’s sister and she would watch my sister and I when my mom went to work. My mom left my aunt to basically raise us as her job required her to travel for weeks at a time. I was given a bath by her almost every night.
TRIGGER WARNING!
The first time my aunt went to bathe me. She led me to the bathroom and turned the water on. She told me to take my clothes off but right before I got to my underwear I stopped. I asked her to leave and she said I couldn’t do it myself and then she swiftly pulled my underwear off. I tried to cover myself and she forced my hands away after I got into the tub and proceeded by her laughingly saying, “is that little thing the reason you’re so embarrassed?” I remember feeling like everything was a blur and being frozen. I still have this sick feeling when I think about it.
She soaped up my body using her hands and a wash cloth and spent a very long time on my private parts.
She told me she needed to clean under my skin (I’m uncircumcised) and I didn’t know what she was talking about and despite me telling her how much it hurt, she pulled the skin back all the way. I felt this stinging pain, because that had never been done before. I was super sensitive and I was squirming while she was rubbing the washcloth around the head.
I know this is probably too much info but, I have never talked about this and it feels somewhat relieving to bring it up now.
She scrubbed through all of my shuddering and resistance. It hurt and it was embarrassing. She said it only hurt because I don’t clean it properly, with her sadistic tone she always had.
She then started on about how my mom should have just had my skin cut off “here” as she pinched the tip of my foreskin between her index and middle finger, making a scissor hand gesture. She said it would be so much cleaner without it. She then started to call it my “icky” part because it could never be clean enough to her satisfaction. So, I grew up being fed that it was this dirty, extra piece. And I’m still very insecure about it.
Next time she wanted to give me a bath I protested and she said, “ok then your “thing” is going to get dirty and we’ll have to cut the “icky” part off, do you want that?” She said that whenever I didn’t want a bath from her.
Writing this, I’m just so shocked at how forward she was about it. I think she liked to humiliate me.
I always tried to brace myself before she’d yank my foreskin back. She’d pin it back far, like farther than I’d go today, pinching the skin, and keep it like that for what felt like an eternity. Afterwards my testicles would ache and the tip of my penis would sting. I remember it being bright red.
She always made comments if there was any small amount of debris or buildup while scrunching up her nose. She’d tell me I wasn’t keeping my “thing” clean and what did I tell you about your “icky” part? And that she was going to talk to my mom about it. (Not sure if that ever happened). She was rough with it. She would then scratch it off with her nails like it was a stain on a shirt. Today I hate seeing any woman with long nails, it reminds me of that. I hate her so much, and I hate how she treated a sensitive part of me. I grew to hate being uncut BECAUSE OF HER.
Later on, erections started to happen when my aunt was “cleaning” my penis vigorously. She’d laugh and tease me about it. I would tell her to stop and she’d say, “Why, are you enjoying it? Boy’s things only get big if they enjoy it.” I remember crying and then was told that I needed to learn to control my “thing” as she continued to fondle me and giggle.
There was no one in the house except for us and my sister who thought it was hilarious and would sometimes watch. My aunt would also invite her friends over and she’d talk to them while bathing me, like it was no big deal. My “unusual” penis almost always got brought up. A friend of hers said something like, “Oh he still has the skin there? That's strange.”
It wasn’t bad enough to feel like there was something wrong with my penis, but to have my sister and older women watch and laugh still makes me sick to my stomach. I think I need to stop here. I have much more I can go into but, I'll just pause right now and save it for another day.
Thank you to whoever took the time to read this. Feel free to reach out directly, I'm always open to chat. I feel it helps with my recovery to put it out there and hear that I'm not alone.
Take care of yourselves brothers.