My husband talked about it to his brother (one of his PERPs)
I am so proud of my husband. He confronted his brother today! He has lived with this for over 25 years and today found some closure. He up to this point had somewhat of a relationship with him; nothing was ever discussed. It was a way of pretending to be okay to show his brother he wasnt affected, he overcame. He never talked to him much, Christmas and other holidays. Never did I think he actually ever cared but never understood really why.
I learned just 4 months ago about his SA. We spoke last night and I told my husband that I hurt; why dont they? I couldnt understand how my husband could pretend and allow his brother to have peace. I saw it as a make believe world and asked my husband when he would allow himself to be himself. It was like every time they were together he went on stage. Had to pretend really well to not let anyone know he remembered. He couldnt explain if other family members asked why so he didnt give them a reason to.
Today he woke up and said he was gonna confront him. He was gonna tell him no longer would he pretend. He said he felt sick, stomach ached and got really scared but mad.
His brother reacted with compassion although my husband didnt care. My husband asked questions like why and there was no reason given. He learned that his brother had no reason for it, never experienced it himself, and the worst didnt seem to realize the pain he caused. He told my husband that he didnt blame him if he hated him, my husband replied I do. He told his brother he has an anger issue with his children; the same look my husband saw as a child. That he would never forgive him and that nothing he could say or do would reclaim his childhood that he stole.
He did it face to face and saw the reaction his brother had. His brother said as he left that he wished he could change it and his heart hurt. My husband said he felt peace and loved the idea of him now sharing in the pain he caused. I am so, so, so proud. I think this is a way of recovering his life. Making it his. As I told him tonight when he called. SA isnt his life, it isnt all he is about: he can be himself and now he has all the freedom!! He said I gave him courage and strength. That he saw how he hurt me and wanted the hurt to be at the ones he hated. I think we are making progress. Thank you to all of the post that has helped me talk to him and helped me with my peace. Thank you for your strength and courage so I could pass it on !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I learned just 4 months ago about his SA. We spoke last night and I told my husband that I hurt; why dont they? I couldnt understand how my husband could pretend and allow his brother to have peace. I saw it as a make believe world and asked my husband when he would allow himself to be himself. It was like every time they were together he went on stage. Had to pretend really well to not let anyone know he remembered. He couldnt explain if other family members asked why so he didnt give them a reason to.
Today he woke up and said he was gonna confront him. He was gonna tell him no longer would he pretend. He said he felt sick, stomach ached and got really scared but mad.
His brother reacted with compassion although my husband didnt care. My husband asked questions like why and there was no reason given. He learned that his brother had no reason for it, never experienced it himself, and the worst didnt seem to realize the pain he caused. He told my husband that he didnt blame him if he hated him, my husband replied I do. He told his brother he has an anger issue with his children; the same look my husband saw as a child. That he would never forgive him and that nothing he could say or do would reclaim his childhood that he stole.
He did it face to face and saw the reaction his brother had. His brother said as he left that he wished he could change it and his heart hurt. My husband said he felt peace and loved the idea of him now sharing in the pain he caused. I am so, so, so proud. I think this is a way of recovering his life. Making it his. As I told him tonight when he called. SA isnt his life, it isnt all he is about: he can be himself and now he has all the freedom!! He said I gave him courage and strength. That he saw how he hurt me and wanted the hurt to be at the ones he hated. I think we are making progress. Thank you to all of the post that has helped me talk to him and helped me with my peace. Thank you for your strength and courage so I could pass it on !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
where inside I'm really 
. Someday, I know that if not just for my own peace of mind, I'm going to have to confront him. He f***ed me as child, and then f***ed my first wife as well (double victimization). He and I have a lot of bad history.