My hell
Trigger Warning: very graphic and may cause flashbacks.
This story depicts explicit sexual acts that were forced onto me. Sadly, I have no other way to tell my story unless I put the thing which happened to me.
At the time my autism and F.A.S.D (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Disorder) didn't exist because no one knew these disorders and many others existed. A quick explanation about F.A.S.D so that you understand how this can affect people with this condition I think I should explain. F.A.S.D occurs when your mother that gave birth to you drinks alcohol while she is pregnant. The person with the condition can be easily talked into doing things, including criminal activities.
Throughout my entire life, from the age of twenty I have had graphic flashbacks that have terrorized me. I have recently told my partner and with doing so, and with finally being believed, I have only now been able to start my healing.
All the names have been changed out of respect for my family, even though deep down I probably should give a shit to any of them especially to my father or elder brother. But I have learnt life is to short to hold grudges.
_______________________________________________________________
So where do I begin. I, like my elder brother and elder sister were adopted. My elder sister was four years older than I, and my brother was eight years older than I was when it began. Paul was fourteen years old when he began educating me in pleasure as he called it. He and I slept in the same room at the time, and he would wake me the moment he came to bed by taking the blanket and sheet off from on top of me and pulling my pajama pants down and rubbing scented oil over my exposed penis. Whenever he did this my body of course responded but he said that it was responding because I was enjoying what he was doing. The more erect I became, the more I couldn't stop myself from making quiet moaning sounds and with that he would say, "You see you like it, it feels good, I know it does. Give into feelings and rub my cock," he would then take my hand, put the scented oil onto my hand and get me to rub his penis that was already partially erect. Once he was fully erect, he grabbed hold of my head and force me to do oral sex until he ejaculated, he then would make me swallow every drop. If I spilt any he would hit me. This went on for three years.
I finally got the courage to tell my father what was going on, but didn't I regret opening my mouth, as I was the one got in trouble and was accused of lying. The following year, because of having trouble not understanding the school curriculum, I was sent to a special class at a different school, and that's where my hell really started. Due to my autism and F.A.S.D, I found it hard to relate to the other kids and make friends. As an adult I still have that problem. On this particular day before rollcall, I had been picked-on relentlessly until was in tears. Sitting on a retaining wall crying a man came up to me and asked what was wrong. He explained that he was the school counselor and ask me if I would like to go to his office and talk about it. Since I was so shaken up, I nodded my head. With that he gave a broad smile. Once at his office I didn't follow him in; he ushered me in by pushing me softly in the back. Unknown to me, he had already unbuttoned and unzipped his pants and was stroking his large thick penis. The moment I was in the room, I heard the door being locked and that made me turn around. Seeing what he was doing, with gleaming eyes and an evil smile, I froze. I wanted to scream but no sound came out, and my only thought was oh shit it's happening again. As he walked slowly towards me, he pulled out a jar and rubbed gel onto his semi-erect penis. instantly it was fully erect. He was now standing directly in front of me, and he forced me down upon my knees and told me to open my mouth. I refused and hit me across the face, then told me again to open.
As he forced me to give him what he called a blowjob, he did, what I know now as an adult as deepthroat. He raped my face and then forced me to swallow every drop by holding my head and nose. He then yanked me up by my hair and dragged me to the back of the room where a saw a strange looking chair; that I now know the chair is a gynecologist's chairs with strops and shackle on it. forcing me up, he shackled me down and told me that he and three of his friends would be having fun with me all day, and that I shouldn't worry no one would come down here and find me, I wasn't at school because of not going to rollcall. After he had made a phone call, how long I have no idea, there came a knock on the door. As the counselor said three men arrived and once in the room they undressed and began rubbing their dicks as they walked up to me, one of them said as he stood between my legs, "Well done you've got some fresh meat, let's have some fun with him boys." He then stared rubbing my penis as he rubbed gel onto my rectum and then pushed his large thick penis into my rectum as he rubbed his hand up and down my penis. One of the other men ruffly forced his penis all the way into my mouth and like the counselor ordered me to suck it. Both these men ejaculated at the same time, then the school counselor and the third man took over and did the same thing. After they were finished, the first two who'd raped me swopped ends; the man who'd fuck me in the rectum now made me suck him off, and the other man raped me in the backside.
After the four men had all raped me in the backside making blood drip down the back of my lags the counselor picked up a strange looking headset and earphones. Placing the headset over my head and covering my eyes he turned it on a bright white light shone into my eyes, it was so bright even when I closed my eyes, I could still see it. I now heard a voice through the headphones say, "Slave by the time we're finished with you, you're going to be one of us, you're going to like young teenage boys and girls," then there was laughter. Through the headset I now could see a different colours swirling around in a circle and a voice come through the headphones told me to look at the swirling colours and to relax. As I found myself relax even though I didn't want to, I could feel someone stroking me penis once again and a voice through the headphones told me to let go and to give into my feelings. I have no idea how long i had this thing over my eyes, but when they took everything off, they put a blindfold and a black hood on.
Blindfolded I tried to listen to try and workout where and what was happening. I was taken to a car and driven to an unknown location. As they took me to this place, they put something up into my rectum that tingled and gave me an erection. Someone in the car I was in pulled my pants back down and rubbed my stiff penis with something on their hand as the man's hand slid up and down easily. I couldn't stop myself moaning at the feelings going through my body. I think it was the same man that was doing it said, "Oh yes, you are really like this don't you. You want to do this all the time; I can tell by how you're moaning. You don't this to ever stop; and it's not going to, in fact you're going to want do this to other boys because you like it so much."
Throughout my life I have learnt one thing vital for a - don't want to say victim but at the time, that is what the child is. Although for me when I tried to voice what had happened with my brother, I was knocked down by being punished and blamed for lying by my asshole father who really opened the door for the pedophile ring, I needed to find someone else that I trusted and that would have listened to me. If it's a teacher, a close friend, anyone that you truly feel comfortable talking to. I am so lucky I have the partner I do; she's helped me so much I can't describe.
Once I'd arrived at the house I had been taken to, multiple men continued the rape and there were men who I think were doctors that continued the brainwashing. I now know because of my F.A.S.D; I was primed for the brainwashing. I will have to live for the rest of my life the shame of committing the same things to other teenage boys. They always got teenage boys and girls aged twelve as they used those girls for breading. Because of my actions I have served time in prison where again I was raped by groups of men. However, with all of the help my partner has given me, doctors, councilors and many other people, I haven't re-offended and now live a life renewed and productive.
I am truly ashamed of how this story ends, and please don't judge me, as I found out by the man that de-programed me that a person who went through what I did may offend themselves as to the amount of the constantly being told by multiple people that you enjoy what is being done. However the doesn't excuse my actions. And I am deeply sorry to every person that this act has touched.
This story depicts explicit sexual acts that were forced onto me. Sadly, I have no other way to tell my story unless I put the thing which happened to me.
At the time my autism and F.A.S.D (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Disorder) didn't exist because no one knew these disorders and many others existed. A quick explanation about F.A.S.D so that you understand how this can affect people with this condition I think I should explain. F.A.S.D occurs when your mother that gave birth to you drinks alcohol while she is pregnant. The person with the condition can be easily talked into doing things, including criminal activities.
Throughout my entire life, from the age of twenty I have had graphic flashbacks that have terrorized me. I have recently told my partner and with doing so, and with finally being believed, I have only now been able to start my healing.
All the names have been changed out of respect for my family, even though deep down I probably should give a shit to any of them especially to my father or elder brother. But I have learnt life is to short to hold grudges.
_______________________________________________________________
So where do I begin. I, like my elder brother and elder sister were adopted. My elder sister was four years older than I, and my brother was eight years older than I was when it began. Paul was fourteen years old when he began educating me in pleasure as he called it. He and I slept in the same room at the time, and he would wake me the moment he came to bed by taking the blanket and sheet off from on top of me and pulling my pajama pants down and rubbing scented oil over my exposed penis. Whenever he did this my body of course responded but he said that it was responding because I was enjoying what he was doing. The more erect I became, the more I couldn't stop myself from making quiet moaning sounds and with that he would say, "You see you like it, it feels good, I know it does. Give into feelings and rub my cock," he would then take my hand, put the scented oil onto my hand and get me to rub his penis that was already partially erect. Once he was fully erect, he grabbed hold of my head and force me to do oral sex until he ejaculated, he then would make me swallow every drop. If I spilt any he would hit me. This went on for three years.
I finally got the courage to tell my father what was going on, but didn't I regret opening my mouth, as I was the one got in trouble and was accused of lying. The following year, because of having trouble not understanding the school curriculum, I was sent to a special class at a different school, and that's where my hell really started. Due to my autism and F.A.S.D, I found it hard to relate to the other kids and make friends. As an adult I still have that problem. On this particular day before rollcall, I had been picked-on relentlessly until was in tears. Sitting on a retaining wall crying a man came up to me and asked what was wrong. He explained that he was the school counselor and ask me if I would like to go to his office and talk about it. Since I was so shaken up, I nodded my head. With that he gave a broad smile. Once at his office I didn't follow him in; he ushered me in by pushing me softly in the back. Unknown to me, he had already unbuttoned and unzipped his pants and was stroking his large thick penis. The moment I was in the room, I heard the door being locked and that made me turn around. Seeing what he was doing, with gleaming eyes and an evil smile, I froze. I wanted to scream but no sound came out, and my only thought was oh shit it's happening again. As he walked slowly towards me, he pulled out a jar and rubbed gel onto his semi-erect penis. instantly it was fully erect. He was now standing directly in front of me, and he forced me down upon my knees and told me to open my mouth. I refused and hit me across the face, then told me again to open.
As he forced me to give him what he called a blowjob, he did, what I know now as an adult as deepthroat. He raped my face and then forced me to swallow every drop by holding my head and nose. He then yanked me up by my hair and dragged me to the back of the room where a saw a strange looking chair; that I now know the chair is a gynecologist's chairs with strops and shackle on it. forcing me up, he shackled me down and told me that he and three of his friends would be having fun with me all day, and that I shouldn't worry no one would come down here and find me, I wasn't at school because of not going to rollcall. After he had made a phone call, how long I have no idea, there came a knock on the door. As the counselor said three men arrived and once in the room they undressed and began rubbing their dicks as they walked up to me, one of them said as he stood between my legs, "Well done you've got some fresh meat, let's have some fun with him boys." He then stared rubbing my penis as he rubbed gel onto my rectum and then pushed his large thick penis into my rectum as he rubbed his hand up and down my penis. One of the other men ruffly forced his penis all the way into my mouth and like the counselor ordered me to suck it. Both these men ejaculated at the same time, then the school counselor and the third man took over and did the same thing. After they were finished, the first two who'd raped me swopped ends; the man who'd fuck me in the rectum now made me suck him off, and the other man raped me in the backside.
After the four men had all raped me in the backside making blood drip down the back of my lags the counselor picked up a strange looking headset and earphones. Placing the headset over my head and covering my eyes he turned it on a bright white light shone into my eyes, it was so bright even when I closed my eyes, I could still see it. I now heard a voice through the headphones say, "Slave by the time we're finished with you, you're going to be one of us, you're going to like young teenage boys and girls," then there was laughter. Through the headset I now could see a different colours swirling around in a circle and a voice come through the headphones told me to look at the swirling colours and to relax. As I found myself relax even though I didn't want to, I could feel someone stroking me penis once again and a voice through the headphones told me to let go and to give into my feelings. I have no idea how long i had this thing over my eyes, but when they took everything off, they put a blindfold and a black hood on.
Blindfolded I tried to listen to try and workout where and what was happening. I was taken to a car and driven to an unknown location. As they took me to this place, they put something up into my rectum that tingled and gave me an erection. Someone in the car I was in pulled my pants back down and rubbed my stiff penis with something on their hand as the man's hand slid up and down easily. I couldn't stop myself moaning at the feelings going through my body. I think it was the same man that was doing it said, "Oh yes, you are really like this don't you. You want to do this all the time; I can tell by how you're moaning. You don't this to ever stop; and it's not going to, in fact you're going to want do this to other boys because you like it so much."
Throughout my life I have learnt one thing vital for a - don't want to say victim but at the time, that is what the child is. Although for me when I tried to voice what had happened with my brother, I was knocked down by being punished and blamed for lying by my asshole father who really opened the door for the pedophile ring, I needed to find someone else that I trusted and that would have listened to me. If it's a teacher, a close friend, anyone that you truly feel comfortable talking to. I am so lucky I have the partner I do; she's helped me so much I can't describe.
Once I'd arrived at the house I had been taken to, multiple men continued the rape and there were men who I think were doctors that continued the brainwashing. I now know because of my F.A.S.D; I was primed for the brainwashing. I will have to live for the rest of my life the shame of committing the same things to other teenage boys. They always got teenage boys and girls aged twelve as they used those girls for breading. Because of my actions I have served time in prison where again I was raped by groups of men. However, with all of the help my partner has given me, doctors, councilors and many other people, I haven't re-offended and now live a life renewed and productive.
I am truly ashamed of how this story ends, and please don't judge me, as I found out by the man that de-programed me that a person who went through what I did may offend themselves as to the amount of the constantly being told by multiple people that you enjoy what is being done. However the doesn't excuse my actions. And I am deeply sorry to every person that this act has touched.