My Flashbacks have returned.
After several years, several therapists, etc., my flashbacks have returned. Those things that I. once thought I had conquered have been "reactivated". Beginning last Nov, after a deadly serious illness, a depressive state began to seep into my emotions. By mid-May all I could do was cry each time I was alone. It is now mid-July and I spend an estimated 5 of 7 days a week, continually on the brink of tears. I am widowed, alone in the house, but I did let my kids know the emotional state into which I had fallen after so many years of good times. I also informed close friends to keep a closer check on me. I contacted a therapist and starting off with 2x a week now see him once a week. I also have "come out" to all my children and my friends.
It seems that after this shadow of sexuality was removed, I am now dealing with flashbacks from the oral rape I was victim of at age 50. I can't make them stop and I can't understand the reason why they are appearing out of the blue. The perpetrator died several years ago. I tried to forget about it. The therapist says I need forgiveness for the man. And me, I just want the pain to stop. I really do. I want to stop crying and I want to laugh again. A seven month depression is hard. Any suggestions on the "forgiveness" issue? I really have never given it much thought, but it seems if I do that once again I give permission for someone to have used.... (child sexual abuse from age 4-17). The other issues I will just deal with one at a time.
It seems that after this shadow of sexuality was removed, I am now dealing with flashbacks from the oral rape I was victim of at age 50. I can't make them stop and I can't understand the reason why they are appearing out of the blue. The perpetrator died several years ago. I tried to forget about it. The therapist says I need forgiveness for the man. And me, I just want the pain to stop. I really do. I want to stop crying and I want to laugh again. A seven month depression is hard. Any suggestions on the "forgiveness" issue? I really have never given it much thought, but it seems if I do that once again I give permission for someone to have used.... (child sexual abuse from age 4-17). The other issues I will just deal with one at a time.