My First T Appointment- Maybe Triggers
sadanddown
Registrant
Hey everyone...a couple people have asked me how my appointment went, and I wanted to post some of the feelings and stuff I had and have now about it.
Before going to the appointment I felt sick. I thought I was going to throw up, I was nervous as all heck and shaking. I was trying to make every excuse in the world not to go, but I knew that I needed to, so I eventually worked up the courage to get in the car and go. It was very difficult for me. Once I got there I was still nervous. I checked in, then he brought me into his office and all, and they already knew why I was there because I told a doctor about it and let signed a release so she could talk to the psychology department about it.
So basically we did sort of introductions. My T would ask me questions like "what do your parents do?" or "where have you lived" etc...my T asked if I had brothers and sisters, if I got along with them...etc...
I was tense the entire time, and my T knew that. I couldn't look at my T in the face...I just stared at the ground the entire time I answered his questions and all. There were some things I didn't feel comfortable answering at the moment so I just told him "I don't feel comfortable talking about that right now" and he understood. A couple questions I also just answered "I don't know" because I didn't feel comfortable answering them. There was no pressure if I said any of those things, my T fully understood.
One of the hardest things for me, after the appointment, several hours after, I thought back on something that he said. He basically said that for in order for this to work, that I would have to "let him in and be open in order for him to help me heal" pretty much. This I am struggling with right now, I am very scared about it because I know we are going to take it slow for a while, but eventually I'll have to talk about the abuse more...and that is going to be very hard for me. I have also never let anyone get close enough to me (maybe a side effect of the SA) for them to get as deep as he wants to go. Although I have had friends whom I have told about it, I have not gone into details, or truly let them inside my world of pain. This is something which I know will be very very hard for me, its hard for me to even think about at the moment.
The session was an hour long, and it seemed like it went by really fast, which is good. I kind of wanted to get out of there just because I was so nervous. He told me that it took a lot of courage to go seek help and all, which made me feel better because I felt that he understood at least a little bit what I am going through.
I don't feel a huge sigh of relief about going, I don't know if that is normal, but I just don't. I expect the appointment next week will be just as hard. I think for me it will just take some time before I can open up and trust him more to where I can tell him things.
Anyways, that was it...at least I survived it, so it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be
Peace,
Jon
Before going to the appointment I felt sick. I thought I was going to throw up, I was nervous as all heck and shaking. I was trying to make every excuse in the world not to go, but I knew that I needed to, so I eventually worked up the courage to get in the car and go. It was very difficult for me. Once I got there I was still nervous. I checked in, then he brought me into his office and all, and they already knew why I was there because I told a doctor about it and let signed a release so she could talk to the psychology department about it.
So basically we did sort of introductions. My T would ask me questions like "what do your parents do?" or "where have you lived" etc...my T asked if I had brothers and sisters, if I got along with them...etc...
I was tense the entire time, and my T knew that. I couldn't look at my T in the face...I just stared at the ground the entire time I answered his questions and all. There were some things I didn't feel comfortable answering at the moment so I just told him "I don't feel comfortable talking about that right now" and he understood. A couple questions I also just answered "I don't know" because I didn't feel comfortable answering them. There was no pressure if I said any of those things, my T fully understood.
One of the hardest things for me, after the appointment, several hours after, I thought back on something that he said. He basically said that for in order for this to work, that I would have to "let him in and be open in order for him to help me heal" pretty much. This I am struggling with right now, I am very scared about it because I know we are going to take it slow for a while, but eventually I'll have to talk about the abuse more...and that is going to be very hard for me. I have also never let anyone get close enough to me (maybe a side effect of the SA) for them to get as deep as he wants to go. Although I have had friends whom I have told about it, I have not gone into details, or truly let them inside my world of pain. This is something which I know will be very very hard for me, its hard for me to even think about at the moment.
The session was an hour long, and it seemed like it went by really fast, which is good. I kind of wanted to get out of there just because I was so nervous. He told me that it took a lot of courage to go seek help and all, which made me feel better because I felt that he understood at least a little bit what I am going through.
I don't feel a huge sigh of relief about going, I don't know if that is normal, but I just don't. I expect the appointment next week will be just as hard. I think for me it will just take some time before I can open up and trust him more to where I can tell him things.
Anyways, that was it...at least I survived it, so it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be
Peace,
Jon
