My first post

Jeremy Doe

Registrant
Hey Charles123,

Welcome to the forum. You'll find yourself in the midst of a great and supportive community. I'm sorry to hear of the circumstances that brought you here, but I'm happy that you're taking on the work of talking about your past. Healing and recovery are possible. And you're a strong and courageous person based on the simple fact that you're here doing the work. Do let me know if there's anything I can to help you in this process.

Wishing you the best,
Jeremy
 
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charles123

Registrant
Hi Jeremy,
Thank you for your kind message. I have to say, I could use some direction on what to do next. I am in therapy, with a quality therapist thankfully, dealing with sexual addiction. I'm trying to figure out where this fits in with everything else in my life. How does the abuse recovery fit with SAA. I'm very conflicted.
Best,
Charles
 

charles123

Registrant
Hey guys, still catching up on my reading of posts. I am planning to attend an SIA meeting, hopefully today. Thank you all so much for the support, I feel that I cannot really put my full gratitude into words. Thank you so much, Charles
 

BDD

Registrant
Hello, This is my first post. I am in SAA but I am also dealing with being abused beginning at around age 8 and then also being groomed and used when I was a senior in high school and in early college by a therapist.
I was just fired by my SAA sponsor this morning because I wasn't working diligently enough on my first step, which is honestly the truth, it was just so painful. I am also a recovering alcoholic with many years of sobriety in AA.
@charles123 i quit smoking a thousand times before I did. That was 13 years ago (omg!). Every time I tried I got closer to the final one. Please don’t give up trying.

I am glad you choose now to post. What an amazing step towards taking care of yourself. Welcome.
 

Jeremy Doe

Registrant
Hi Jeremy,
Thank you for your kind message. I have to say, I could use some direction on what to do next. I am in therapy, with a quality therapist thankfully, dealing with sexual addiction. I'm trying to figure out where this fits in with everything else in my life. How does the abuse recovery fit with SAA. I'm very conflicted.
Best,
Charles
Hey Charles,

Well you're opening up about your past. You're seeing a therapist and both of those are great first steps. I've worked with a few really good therapists in in the past, not about CSA related topics, and I've always been amazed by how they can help you look a things from perspectives, that seemed so... foreign. Sometimes a different perspective, some reframing, and some support is everything that's needed.

One of the things that I found was actually putting my abuse into narrative format. And it doesn't have to be right. Nor do you have to share it, but writing it is an interesting process. It's hard. And you will likely change or edit things as things become more clear. It's interesting how the mind sort of obscures those elements of the past.

I was thinking on it yesterday and found a metaphor for how my brain handled my abuses. And it did it with all aspects of my adverse childhood experiences, the sexual, physical, emotional abuse. The neglect, the starvation, the self-hatred, all of it. My mind put it on its own stage and closed the curtain and then redirected my attention to a new stage. And that's where all my attention was focused. Until it wasn't. So now my process is to lift the curtain on that other stage and really examine what happened and how that shaped me.

And there's a lot of grief and mourning when it comes to sifting through the past. So many lost experiences. And the wreckage I've left in my wake that's been hard to come to terms with. But through that mourning and that grief, you'll start to see this puzzle with all these missing pieces start to fill and then things start to make a lot more sense. That's hard to but at least it provides some explanations to the inexplicable things.

I'd also recommend a few books.
Victims: No Longer by Mike Lew, this was a really interesting read. So much resonated and although my abuse wasn't incestuous, the ways that we respond to the lack of trust, the violation, the abuse... it's all very common. I had no idea how much of a textbook case I was.

The following were recommended and I've started on Men Too.
  • Men Too: The Unspoken Truths About Male Sexual Abuse by Kelli Palfy
  • Don't Tell: The Sexual Abuse of Boys by Michel Dorais.


The other thing I can tell you, and it's easier said than done. Don't be discouraged if you find it's hard to start. That your plagued with doubt. That you seem to be on a roll and things are going well, and then they're really not. That's not uncommon. It's actually common and is to be expected. And don't go to fast. Your brain may have blocked things out for a reason and when you start to go lift up rocks, you're bound to find some worms. But you're on the right track. And even if progress seems slow, it will happen.

As for aligning it to SAA, you might see them as related, but don't marry yourself to the fact that they're entwined and that in order to address one you have to address both. Sometimes separating them is helpful. And sometimes you will see that they are related. But I think one of the common things I've seen in therapy is that they make connections that may or may not be there and it's up to us to determine what is true. If they're related, that's great solving one may help with the other. Just trying to say to keep an open mind and don't feel like you have to take a bite of both apples.

Good luck, and good job,
Jeremy
 
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