my first post - my experience
I was a victim of sexual assault on July 3, 1995.
What follows is my account of the events leading up to and beyond that time.
In 1994-1995, I was a regular patron of a local coffeeshop. During that time, we (people I worked with) and I would frequent the place regularly, several times per week. I eventually developed a casual, cordial relationship with some of the regular persons that also frequented the establishment. After approx. a year of speaking with some of the people there, one person who was also a regular customer asked if I would want to hang-out with him and a friend of his at his friends apartment, and go to a few bars/clubs. I didnt know the person well, but figured I knew him well enough to hang out and have a few beers.
We went out to a couple local places, then back to the friends apartment. I believe that at that time, they had been spiking my drinks with tranquilizers, gradually, throughout the night. When I was too drunk to drive home and close to passing-out, I asked if I could sleep on the friends couch. He was insistent that I slept in the bed, and although I didnt want to, I eventually crashed there at approx. 9-10 p.m.
My next memory was waking-up at about 10 a.m. the next day (about 12 hours later). The friend was in the bed next to me, wearing only underwear. Upon realizing that I was awake, the person tried to insert his hand down the front of my pants (I was fully-clothed). I believe that this was some kind of effort to get me to believe that something had happened, consensually, that I didnt remember. I got out of the bed and left the apartment, at that point, without talking to the person. I was very sick for the next 24 hours.
It took me probably several days to really process what had happened that night. I was in a lot of physical pain at that time, from being sexually assaulted, but was in severe denial. It was about a month before I saw any doctors to try to sort-out what I had to do to make sure I wasnt infected with any STDs or H.I.V. I dont need to tell the other members of this board who have experienced this first-hand, how stressful this process is, and how much anxiety it causes. I had a mixed-bag experience with doctors (I had a chronic-pain condition as a result of the assault), some of whom were understanding, others just seemed to want me out of their office a.s.a.p.
I did not report the assault to police, as I was a closeted gay man at the time, working a blue-collar job, and couldnt deal with the stigma of anyone knowing about it. I realized, later, just how little I knew about the people who assaulted me, and what an easy victim I had been. Im sure they realized that I would not tell anyone, because I wasnt out, and that they could put whatever spin they wanted to on the events since I had no friends in their circles.
After spending my savings on medical treatment, and therapy/counseling for several years following this incident, I would have liked to say that this was the end of my experience with the people who perpetrated this. But unfortunately it was not. In the last several years, I learned that the people who assaulted me (I now believe there were others involved, not just the two that were present during the time I was conscious that night) had conducted a campaign of slander & incrimination against me, including using illegally-obtained images (of me) I believe, to pose as me on local gay sites and solicit sexual contact from underage persons. Because of this I have been harassed online and received harassing material at my residence, by/from people who think I was the one who transmitted this material, and have been shunned by local business owners/patrons (at local coffeeshops where I used to hang-out), who now think that Im there to solicit people for sex.
Basically, at this point, I feel that I have no other option but to leave this community, and hope for something better, outside of these peoples sphere of influence. I see no way to salvage my reputation, and really no longer have the energy mentally and physically to continue fighting this decade-old battle.
My heart goes out to all of you who have suffered similar things. I know now that this experience is something that never really leaves you, as I have thought about and relived portions of it and dealt with the consequences of it every single day for a decade. I have feelings of horrible guilt about the other people that it has affected. People in my family, who have had to support me, and deal with my anger and depression, and many close friends who I have drifted away from without explanation. I have developed some weight and drinking problems, but have been lucky that none have been serious.
In conclusion, I continue to hope for the best, but usually expect the worst, and live day-to-day.
Thanks for maintaining this board.
What follows is my account of the events leading up to and beyond that time.
In 1994-1995, I was a regular patron of a local coffeeshop. During that time, we (people I worked with) and I would frequent the place regularly, several times per week. I eventually developed a casual, cordial relationship with some of the regular persons that also frequented the establishment. After approx. a year of speaking with some of the people there, one person who was also a regular customer asked if I would want to hang-out with him and a friend of his at his friends apartment, and go to a few bars/clubs. I didnt know the person well, but figured I knew him well enough to hang out and have a few beers.
We went out to a couple local places, then back to the friends apartment. I believe that at that time, they had been spiking my drinks with tranquilizers, gradually, throughout the night. When I was too drunk to drive home and close to passing-out, I asked if I could sleep on the friends couch. He was insistent that I slept in the bed, and although I didnt want to, I eventually crashed there at approx. 9-10 p.m.
My next memory was waking-up at about 10 a.m. the next day (about 12 hours later). The friend was in the bed next to me, wearing only underwear. Upon realizing that I was awake, the person tried to insert his hand down the front of my pants (I was fully-clothed). I believe that this was some kind of effort to get me to believe that something had happened, consensually, that I didnt remember. I got out of the bed and left the apartment, at that point, without talking to the person. I was very sick for the next 24 hours.
It took me probably several days to really process what had happened that night. I was in a lot of physical pain at that time, from being sexually assaulted, but was in severe denial. It was about a month before I saw any doctors to try to sort-out what I had to do to make sure I wasnt infected with any STDs or H.I.V. I dont need to tell the other members of this board who have experienced this first-hand, how stressful this process is, and how much anxiety it causes. I had a mixed-bag experience with doctors (I had a chronic-pain condition as a result of the assault), some of whom were understanding, others just seemed to want me out of their office a.s.a.p.
I did not report the assault to police, as I was a closeted gay man at the time, working a blue-collar job, and couldnt deal with the stigma of anyone knowing about it. I realized, later, just how little I knew about the people who assaulted me, and what an easy victim I had been. Im sure they realized that I would not tell anyone, because I wasnt out, and that they could put whatever spin they wanted to on the events since I had no friends in their circles.
After spending my savings on medical treatment, and therapy/counseling for several years following this incident, I would have liked to say that this was the end of my experience with the people who perpetrated this. But unfortunately it was not. In the last several years, I learned that the people who assaulted me (I now believe there were others involved, not just the two that were present during the time I was conscious that night) had conducted a campaign of slander & incrimination against me, including using illegally-obtained images (of me) I believe, to pose as me on local gay sites and solicit sexual contact from underage persons. Because of this I have been harassed online and received harassing material at my residence, by/from people who think I was the one who transmitted this material, and have been shunned by local business owners/patrons (at local coffeeshops where I used to hang-out), who now think that Im there to solicit people for sex.
Basically, at this point, I feel that I have no other option but to leave this community, and hope for something better, outside of these peoples sphere of influence. I see no way to salvage my reputation, and really no longer have the energy mentally and physically to continue fighting this decade-old battle.
My heart goes out to all of you who have suffered similar things. I know now that this experience is something that never really leaves you, as I have thought about and relived portions of it and dealt with the consequences of it every single day for a decade. I have feelings of horrible guilt about the other people that it has affected. People in my family, who have had to support me, and deal with my anger and depression, and many close friends who I have drifted away from without explanation. I have developed some weight and drinking problems, but have been lucky that none have been serious.
In conclusion, I continue to hope for the best, but usually expect the worst, and live day-to-day.
Thanks for maintaining this board.
