My family situation: abuse bet my sons
I have been dealing with a family situation for several months now. The crisis is over but we are still dealing with the aftermath and most of the family are in various forms of therapy..
Briefly, my 14 yr old son molested our 5 yr old son while my dh and I were out (on a date).. We found out about it right away as the 5 yr old told us as soon as we come home. Turns out my older son was molested when he was 5 by a neighborhood boy who was also 14. He quickly forgot it until a year so ago when he watched a crime show that focused on child molestation, but never said anything to anyone about his own abuse.
It is striking how the oldest reenacted his own abuse.
My dh and I went to marital counseling for all this stress on top of our own marital difficulties and the t was compelled to report the abuse to Child Services and who in turn contacted the state troopers.
We had to talk to the detective and the youngest went to Stevie's Place to be interviewed and then the oldest was then interview by the detective. My youngest had a very good experience at Stevies Place (a place where they interview children who have been sexually abuse and it is taped such that the child only has to be interviewed once and the tape is shared among the various involved agencies. Speaking to the detective was difficult since I didnt want to rat on my oldest son or have what I said be used against him. Nothing like having 3 agencies and ~10 professionals suddently involved with your family.
At this point no charges have been filed against him and its close to two months.
The oldest is in therapy that utilizes Relapse Prevention. I am struggling with seeing my oldest as a Perpetrator and wondering if this is the right therapy for him reacting to the restrictions placed on our family and him as a result. i.e. oldest cant be alone with another child one under 12. So he cant go to friends who have younger siblings in the home unless we disclosed the situation with the parents so they can provide adequate supervision. Right now we not disclosing much to other people.
Hes been treated for depression that occurred following the incident and is doing better now since hes been on Prozac. Hes also back on his ADD meds and now his school work is doing better. He had been failing before.
Perhaps as a positive result, Ive started dealing with my own SA as an adolescent.. My tendency was to discounted it thru the years telling myself that it wasnt such a big deal. No penetration occurred, it wasn't that bad, etc.
I've come to realize that the SA probably accounts for my difficulties in responding positively sex and intimacy. Sigh. So Im working on that at the same time. I'm looking forward to the fruit of all this difficult internal work, but it is a taxing process.
I guess Ill stop here for now. Glad to have found this forum.
Briefly, my 14 yr old son molested our 5 yr old son while my dh and I were out (on a date).. We found out about it right away as the 5 yr old told us as soon as we come home. Turns out my older son was molested when he was 5 by a neighborhood boy who was also 14. He quickly forgot it until a year so ago when he watched a crime show that focused on child molestation, but never said anything to anyone about his own abuse.
It is striking how the oldest reenacted his own abuse.
My dh and I went to marital counseling for all this stress on top of our own marital difficulties and the t was compelled to report the abuse to Child Services and who in turn contacted the state troopers.
We had to talk to the detective and the youngest went to Stevie's Place to be interviewed and then the oldest was then interview by the detective. My youngest had a very good experience at Stevies Place (a place where they interview children who have been sexually abuse and it is taped such that the child only has to be interviewed once and the tape is shared among the various involved agencies. Speaking to the detective was difficult since I didnt want to rat on my oldest son or have what I said be used against him. Nothing like having 3 agencies and ~10 professionals suddently involved with your family.
At this point no charges have been filed against him and its close to two months.
The oldest is in therapy that utilizes Relapse Prevention. I am struggling with seeing my oldest as a Perpetrator and wondering if this is the right therapy for him reacting to the restrictions placed on our family and him as a result. i.e. oldest cant be alone with another child one under 12. So he cant go to friends who have younger siblings in the home unless we disclosed the situation with the parents so they can provide adequate supervision. Right now we not disclosing much to other people.
Hes been treated for depression that occurred following the incident and is doing better now since hes been on Prozac. Hes also back on his ADD meds and now his school work is doing better. He had been failing before.
Perhaps as a positive result, Ive started dealing with my own SA as an adolescent.. My tendency was to discounted it thru the years telling myself that it wasnt such a big deal. No penetration occurred, it wasn't that bad, etc.
I've come to realize that the SA probably accounts for my difficulties in responding positively sex and intimacy. Sigh. So Im working on that at the same time. I'm looking forward to the fruit of all this difficult internal work, but it is a taxing process.
I guess Ill stop here for now. Glad to have found this forum.
