my emotions are all over the place

my emotions are all over the place
B

bc22

Registrant
Maybe some of you can help. My emotions are all over the place. When I first rediscovered my past 8 years ago, there was, of course, the intial shock and sorrow that goes with letting out something you never wanted out. Then, I closed if off again. Now, I am an emotional wreck! I can't get my past, my present situation off my mind. My mind will not shut down. I was just watching a presentation that my wife was putting together, and the song"Sweet Life" was playing, and it got me very upset. Is this normal? Can Anyone tell me what to expect? Thank you for listening.
BC
 
I know my emotions are up and down alot. I got all tore up one night watching one of the harry potter movies because his parents tell him they love him in the movie and it hit me hard. I know I will be upset then laughing then upset again it is like my emotions are on a roller coaster as I try to deal with my past and live in the present. I hope that makes some sense to you bc.

Josh
 
bc22,

What you are going through is entirely normal, I think. When I was in that spot I described it to my T as the "emotional hurricane". Everything seemed to be hitting me all at once from every direction.

It's not easy to allow ourselves to feel again, and it's enormously distressing as we discover the incredible range of the damage that abuse has done to us. But ultimately I think we need to bear in mind that this is where we have to start. We do have to feel those feelings first in order to deal with them.

But there is a more positive side. Yes, we do get hit by some terrible truths as we set out in recovery, but these are followed by more encouraging ones: like the truth that recovery IS possible for me, and that I CAN get my life back and live in joy and peace as I was meant to all along.

Much love,
Larry
 
One of the hardest things to get over was that when I first admitted to what happened to me 8 years ago, my wife did not believe me at first. It was the very fear that kept a secret realized!! The affair also seem to re-establish some power over me by my cousin. I felt like, "he did it to me again!" My wife wants to know why I did not deal with this when we first go married. How do you explain repressed memories totally based on shame? And 8 years ago, I dealt with finally admitting my abuse, and affair, and who the affair was with. I had never been in therapy before and my therapist mainly worked on the issues between me and my wife then. I never knew the things I now know by reading as many books and article as I have. I thought 8 years ago that I was fixed. Now, I realize just how broken I am. Why didn't I have detailed flashbacks then. I have something in my head all the time. I get in the shower and just sink down and cry. It's like I now realize what has been taken from me. Larry, I wanted you to know I really appreciate your insights!! How did you get so wise? I guess before I thought it was a quick fix, but now I realize, it is anything but!!!!!!!!
 
bc22,

In all honesty I have to say I hope you don't hold your wife's reaction against her. Imagine how all this looks to her, as a woman with no information about CSA and no prior knowledge about how she might best react. What is coming out is just her being honest about her fears. She's communicating, and that's the best thing in the world, even if it hurts right now.

On why you didn't do this or that, believe me, so many of us (including me) got that from our partners. It's a legitimate question considering the huge challenge that our disclosure drops at their feet. Part of the answer is that putting together or recovering memories is a task so many of us face - you aren't alone there. When she asks that, what she's doing as putting a better face on the question, "Did you deceive me?" Again, bear in mind the threat this new issue poses, so far as she can see.

It's a learning process both ways bro. My answer, and I think it was a good one, was to just try my hardest to keep it real and answer as best I could. Sometimes all I could say is "I wish I knew" or just collapse in tears. But keep the communication going and keep it honest. I really think it's the only way.

Much love,
Larry
 
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