My creepy experience as a film extra
My main incident of CSA took place when I was about 8 years old. I have been working with a therapist and have processed this with EMDR. At least two other less significant, yet uncomfortable incidents which I experienced while growing up have become more front and center in my mind. One of them I will share here. I attended a summer camp for two summers and really enjoyed it. The summer after my freshman year of high school I was offered work as an extra in a short film, which was written and directed by a local film school student and was being filmed at the camp. The film student and his crew recruited extras at the camp a few weeks before filming. The film was about a rising high school freshman who is a late bloomer and who is bullied. It covers a number of topics relating to summer camp and communal showering, from apprehension and awkwardness, to bonding, bullying, social cliques, and learning to stand up for oneself.
I participated in three scenes as an extra. In one scene my job was to walk across a communal shower in which the kid playing the lead was showering in the foreground and two students playing main characters who bully him were showering in the background. I was asked the day before filming if I wanted to be in this scene and was told that, if so, I would be given and would need to wear briefs similar to Speedos and that I should bring a bathrobe to wear over them for the times we would not be filming. I did not think much about it ahead of time. The next day, however, as I and another kid who was also an extra in the scene were given light-colored, nearly see-through skimpy garments, and we changed into them, I felt awkward. I was glad that I had the bathrobe. My sense of awkwardness was soon amplified. As the blocking for the scene was being done, we were casually told by the director that the two students playing the bullies were going to be completely naked for the filming of the scene. Something in the pit of my stomach seemed "off" about this. I was shocked. This was in 2000. Attitudes towards nudity during this era were a little looser than they are today, and this was an independent student film. Nonetheless, this seemed outside the scope of what a production with school-age students would entail. There was a studio teacher on the set, however, I did not know what, if anything, to ask her. While I felt uncomfortable about the situation, I decided to simply do my parts in the filming of the scene. The two students who were playing the bullies did not visibly seem disturbed as the filming of the scene went on. I thought to myself, though, that there is no way I would get naked in a film.
It is one thing to be naked in a communal shower. You get in, shower, exit the shower, dry off, and get dressed, pretty much minding your own business. I was comfortable with nudity in this type of a setting. Making a scene for a film is a completely different situation though. When you film a scene like this, all eyes are literally on you. There were at least ten crew members present for the shower scene I was in, and it took more than 45 minutes to film, as multiple takes were done. When you act in a film, your work is out in public indefinitely. My line between being comfortable or uncomfortable about being naked around others is drawn when the nudity becomes public. The two students playing the bullies and the kid playing the lead all filmed another shower scene in which they were all nude as well. The shots of nudity actually included in the film are from the rear, from a distance, and/or slightly blurred, so there was nothing salacious in the final production, however, as with any film production, shots additional to those used in the final production were inevitably filmed as part of the process. The two students who played the bullies were in high school and the kid who played the lead was an 8th grader. While these scenes do depict realistic life at summer camp in the 1990's, the nudity in this film, in my opinion, was gratuitous. The shower scenes could easily have been filmed showing the young actors from above the waist and thus avoiding the requirement that any student actors be naked to film them.
The idea of safe spaces comes to mind. Was the environment for filming these scenes for an appropriate and safe space for young actors? It was then and is today extremely competitive for young actors to get cast in films, especially in primary roles. I wondered how these three actors each felt about having to film these scenes. I wondered it they felt pressured to agree to do them because they wanted experience working on a film. I contemplated if the general perception of the appropriateness of these scenes would be the same if the main characters were girls and girls were acting in these scenes. I thought about how I would have felt if I was offered the role of one of the bullies or the lead. What would the general thought be about these scenes in 2023 in the wake of the MeToo movement? A further dimension to this is that the kid who played the lead later came out as gay and has openly talked about how he was bullied during this period of his life. I can only imagine what the experience of making this movie and filming the shower scenes might have been like for him. His character is even called a "fag" in one scene. All of these questions swirl around my mind as I reflect back on the making of this film. One thing is clear: I did not feel comfortable during the filming of the scene I was in. While I did not verbalize this much at the time, this experience led me not to pursue any additional acting experiences. Perhaps I dodged a bullet.
I participated in three scenes as an extra. In one scene my job was to walk across a communal shower in which the kid playing the lead was showering in the foreground and two students playing main characters who bully him were showering in the background. I was asked the day before filming if I wanted to be in this scene and was told that, if so, I would be given and would need to wear briefs similar to Speedos and that I should bring a bathrobe to wear over them for the times we would not be filming. I did not think much about it ahead of time. The next day, however, as I and another kid who was also an extra in the scene were given light-colored, nearly see-through skimpy garments, and we changed into them, I felt awkward. I was glad that I had the bathrobe. My sense of awkwardness was soon amplified. As the blocking for the scene was being done, we were casually told by the director that the two students playing the bullies were going to be completely naked for the filming of the scene. Something in the pit of my stomach seemed "off" about this. I was shocked. This was in 2000. Attitudes towards nudity during this era were a little looser than they are today, and this was an independent student film. Nonetheless, this seemed outside the scope of what a production with school-age students would entail. There was a studio teacher on the set, however, I did not know what, if anything, to ask her. While I felt uncomfortable about the situation, I decided to simply do my parts in the filming of the scene. The two students who were playing the bullies did not visibly seem disturbed as the filming of the scene went on. I thought to myself, though, that there is no way I would get naked in a film.
It is one thing to be naked in a communal shower. You get in, shower, exit the shower, dry off, and get dressed, pretty much minding your own business. I was comfortable with nudity in this type of a setting. Making a scene for a film is a completely different situation though. When you film a scene like this, all eyes are literally on you. There were at least ten crew members present for the shower scene I was in, and it took more than 45 minutes to film, as multiple takes were done. When you act in a film, your work is out in public indefinitely. My line between being comfortable or uncomfortable about being naked around others is drawn when the nudity becomes public. The two students playing the bullies and the kid playing the lead all filmed another shower scene in which they were all nude as well. The shots of nudity actually included in the film are from the rear, from a distance, and/or slightly blurred, so there was nothing salacious in the final production, however, as with any film production, shots additional to those used in the final production were inevitably filmed as part of the process. The two students who played the bullies were in high school and the kid who played the lead was an 8th grader. While these scenes do depict realistic life at summer camp in the 1990's, the nudity in this film, in my opinion, was gratuitous. The shower scenes could easily have been filmed showing the young actors from above the waist and thus avoiding the requirement that any student actors be naked to film them.
The idea of safe spaces comes to mind. Was the environment for filming these scenes for an appropriate and safe space for young actors? It was then and is today extremely competitive for young actors to get cast in films, especially in primary roles. I wondered how these three actors each felt about having to film these scenes. I wondered it they felt pressured to agree to do them because they wanted experience working on a film. I contemplated if the general perception of the appropriateness of these scenes would be the same if the main characters were girls and girls were acting in these scenes. I thought about how I would have felt if I was offered the role of one of the bullies or the lead. What would the general thought be about these scenes in 2023 in the wake of the MeToo movement? A further dimension to this is that the kid who played the lead later came out as gay and has openly talked about how he was bullied during this period of his life. I can only imagine what the experience of making this movie and filming the shower scenes might have been like for him. His character is even called a "fag" in one scene. All of these questions swirl around my mind as I reflect back on the making of this film. One thing is clear: I did not feel comfortable during the filming of the scene I was in. While I did not verbalize this much at the time, this experience led me not to pursue any additional acting experiences. Perhaps I dodged a bullet.
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