My confrentation letter to my brother
I read the letter that Nick Easter posted and thought it might be theraputic to post mine as well. Almost like I didn't have to hide it like it was something I should be ashamed of.
Anyway, this is rather blunt, and is probably triggering to most people so read at your own risk..
**POSSIBLE TRIGGERS BELOW**
**POSSIBLE TRIGGERS BELOW**
(I was going to x out the perp's name but why should I protect him LOL)
John,
I am writing you to tell you that I remember and know what you did to me when I was 12. You taught me about masterbation but then you went over the line. You started masterbating me and had me masterbating you. You were 15 1/2 you knew what this was all about, you knew it was wrong. Yet you continued on to performing oral sex on me and having me proforming it on you. You even attempted anal sex but stopped when it hurt but that was only because you probably thought that I'd tell. You were my older brother and I looked up to you. I didn't know the first thing about sex and you knew that you taught me about masterbation. You made me think that this was normal and that all brothers did this, but its not normal its not right and its abuse. You might say to your self, I liked it, sometimes I even iniated it. You'd be right but you see you played on the lack of love in my life. I lost Grandpa xxx, Grandma xxx, Mom and Dad were divorcing. Mom was going to college to get her degree. I was loosing alot of people in my life and you made me feel that if I didn't do what you said that I didn't love you and you wouldn't love me in return. I would loose you too. I don't remember exactly but I have a feeling that you made some kind of threats to me as well.
Because of your selfish acts, I didn't have much of an adolesence, I withdrew socially and had a difficult time around people my own age. Highschool was a lonely difficult time for me, no friends, no girlfriends, no prom. Couple that with shame that I felt and still do feel on a subconsious level that I had sex with my brother. All the subconcious feelings of anger at you trying to have anal sex with me drove me to view gay porn, making me think I was gay. But thanks to lots of therapy and I group of abuse survivors on the internet I know why I'm doing that. I can't be around people from the ages of 12-25 without getting tense and anxious. I can't walk out of my house without checking to see if there are kids/teens playing outside. I could have gone to college gotten a degree had a good job right now but my issues clouded my world and I'm a 26 year old living with his parents with no girlfriend, no college degree, no job. Thanks to medication this is getting better but it still hasn't gone away besides thats not the point, I shouldn't have to take any medication you shouldn't have done this to me in the first place. I can't move on from my crappy job at work because thanks to you I don't feel like I can do anything right and the only reason Chris keeps me around is because he's an idiot. This of course is not true but try convincing me on a subconcious level, its going to take a lot of time and effort to do that, again something I shouldn't have to do.
I am very angry at you for what you did, you knew what you were doing. You knew what was acceptable at 15 1/2 but you decieded you wanted to do this and you didn't care about me. It was all you, you wanted your dick sucked, you wanted intercourse. You wanted to get off and it didn't matter what you did to other people to get it. Because you wanted to get some, you ended up ruining the best years of my life. I can't go back, you don't know how much I want to go back. I've spent alot of time filled with anxiety going to psycologists, drove to the social phobia clinic in Philadelphia every week for 3 months. Spend lots of money and time. Even spent a weekend in Canada with fellow survivors trying to put my life back together. I'll spend lots more money and lots more time trying to live as normal a life as I can. But I'll never live a normal life, I only can get somewhat better and learn to cope with the things I can't fix.
Even after all you've done to me, your my brother and I still love you. I hate what you did to me but I still love you.
I need to know that (names of my nieces here) are safe. So I need to tell everybody what happened and you need to get treatment, I realize this will be really embarassing but I can't bear the thought of you hurting (names of my nieces here) or anybody else for that matter. You need help and I will help you get it but you do need to get it.
Jason
**Ok, the part about me still living with my parents has changed**
Anyway, this is rather blunt, and is probably triggering to most people so read at your own risk..
**POSSIBLE TRIGGERS BELOW**
**POSSIBLE TRIGGERS BELOW**
(I was going to x out the perp's name but why should I protect him LOL)
John,
I am writing you to tell you that I remember and know what you did to me when I was 12. You taught me about masterbation but then you went over the line. You started masterbating me and had me masterbating you. You were 15 1/2 you knew what this was all about, you knew it was wrong. Yet you continued on to performing oral sex on me and having me proforming it on you. You even attempted anal sex but stopped when it hurt but that was only because you probably thought that I'd tell. You were my older brother and I looked up to you. I didn't know the first thing about sex and you knew that you taught me about masterbation. You made me think that this was normal and that all brothers did this, but its not normal its not right and its abuse. You might say to your self, I liked it, sometimes I even iniated it. You'd be right but you see you played on the lack of love in my life. I lost Grandpa xxx, Grandma xxx, Mom and Dad were divorcing. Mom was going to college to get her degree. I was loosing alot of people in my life and you made me feel that if I didn't do what you said that I didn't love you and you wouldn't love me in return. I would loose you too. I don't remember exactly but I have a feeling that you made some kind of threats to me as well.
Because of your selfish acts, I didn't have much of an adolesence, I withdrew socially and had a difficult time around people my own age. Highschool was a lonely difficult time for me, no friends, no girlfriends, no prom. Couple that with shame that I felt and still do feel on a subconsious level that I had sex with my brother. All the subconcious feelings of anger at you trying to have anal sex with me drove me to view gay porn, making me think I was gay. But thanks to lots of therapy and I group of abuse survivors on the internet I know why I'm doing that. I can't be around people from the ages of 12-25 without getting tense and anxious. I can't walk out of my house without checking to see if there are kids/teens playing outside. I could have gone to college gotten a degree had a good job right now but my issues clouded my world and I'm a 26 year old living with his parents with no girlfriend, no college degree, no job. Thanks to medication this is getting better but it still hasn't gone away besides thats not the point, I shouldn't have to take any medication you shouldn't have done this to me in the first place. I can't move on from my crappy job at work because thanks to you I don't feel like I can do anything right and the only reason Chris keeps me around is because he's an idiot. This of course is not true but try convincing me on a subconcious level, its going to take a lot of time and effort to do that, again something I shouldn't have to do.
I am very angry at you for what you did, you knew what you were doing. You knew what was acceptable at 15 1/2 but you decieded you wanted to do this and you didn't care about me. It was all you, you wanted your dick sucked, you wanted intercourse. You wanted to get off and it didn't matter what you did to other people to get it. Because you wanted to get some, you ended up ruining the best years of my life. I can't go back, you don't know how much I want to go back. I've spent alot of time filled with anxiety going to psycologists, drove to the social phobia clinic in Philadelphia every week for 3 months. Spend lots of money and time. Even spent a weekend in Canada with fellow survivors trying to put my life back together. I'll spend lots more money and lots more time trying to live as normal a life as I can. But I'll never live a normal life, I only can get somewhat better and learn to cope with the things I can't fix.
Even after all you've done to me, your my brother and I still love you. I hate what you did to me but I still love you.
I need to know that (names of my nieces here) are safe. So I need to tell everybody what happened and you need to get treatment, I realize this will be really embarassing but I can't bear the thought of you hurting (names of my nieces here) or anybody else for that matter. You need help and I will help you get it but you do need to get it.
Jason
**Ok, the part about me still living with my parents has changed**
