My Children "Trigger" me!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

My Children "Trigger" me!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
T

TeeJayUU

Registrant
OH NO, PLEASE NO, NOT AGAIN! MY DAUGHTER!

From an infant until after age 20, I was sexually abused by a family memeber and his friends.

Now at 40, Married 16 years and adopted siblings almost nine years ago, they were 5 & 7, oh yeah, and they were sexually abused when they were toddlers. (We did NOT know that piece of thier life going into the adoption).

Moving on, at 11 & 13 this brother/sister were getting "Active" with each other. We think the appropriate interventions that were taken appeared successful. However, this touchy-feely-huggy-attentionseekinggirl has ALWAYS sought out attention from males since the day we met her.

Both children are in a private school for adolesents with emotional issues, now 14 & 16. Today we were informed that our daughter, who has a sexual history of flirting (and more!) was being "felt-up" during class yesterday. She did not report it, discuss it, et cetera. Others who saw it reported it.

Tonight she says she knows is was wrong, there was absolute flirting, sexual dialogue, and that it felt good and bad at the same time. She had been bawling and sobbing and apologizing. Victim? Horny Teenager? Participant?
??????????????????????????????????????????????????

HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS ONE! She knows my past (as I fell apart and started dealing with it 18 months ago). She is so confused and scared over all of her feelings... I CAN EMPATHIZE!

Every trigger I have has been activated! ANGER, FEAR, HYPERVIGALANCE, PANIC, FLASHBACKS, TIGHT CHEST, CAN'T STOP MY BRAIN FROM TURNING AND WHIRLING AND AND AND AND AND AND!

I met with my T last night, I wish it was tonight!

Sorry friends, I just had to vent! I know this may set off triggers for others, and I am sorry. I am so very thankful that I have this site and all of you!

God Bless!

PEACE!

TJ
 
TJ,

First things first. Take care of yourself. Call your T if you need that.

Your daughter needs some more help. She is so very lucky to be with a father who can see that and understand. I don't mean that it's good you've been through the abuse you have endured. I mean it's good that you have had the courage to look at your life objectively and take steps to make things better. You know a lot about the kind of issues she has to face.

But you have to be at your best to handle this. Take care of yourself, and you will be able to help her.

Thanks,

Joe
 
I know where you are coming from man. My nephew, when he turned 3 or 4, triggered me something awful in his interactions with a cousin. All my red flags went up, and luckily he is no longer allowed to play with this kid unsupervised.

And of course you start to wonder if it is just you and your past coloring what you are seeing, or is something more is going on. It is obvious that because of your daughter's past, you know it is more than just flirting and being a horny teenager. Yes, of course that is part of it, but her past is affecting her choices and actions today.

Definately take care of yourself. Focus on what it is bringing up with your therapist and that way you can clearly identify what is your stuff and what is happening in the situation at hand.

If anything, our triggers certainly force us to deal with our issues, don't they?

PM me if you need to.

-Sean
 
TJ,

I wish I had some wisdom or something to ease your mind. I don't, but I wanted you to know (despite it being REALLY hard to read this) that I'm thinking of you and your family today.

You were in my corner, brother, and I'm in yours.

Peace and love,

Scot
 
TJ -

I don't really know what to say... all I can suggest is that you try to remain calm & talk it through. Try not to get angry with her...I don't know if that would help?

I'm pretty clueless - just want to send you some support!

Best wishes Rik
 
Ya, me too, TJ, I want to send you my support with what you have to do to be the dad. What an assignment, huh? Most of us go through the usual stuff with our kids but you've got a double dose with yours. Keeping your therapist, and theirs, close at hand would be a good thing. Besides the flashing back that you are doing, I'll keep a candle burning for your continued strength and courage as you work through these problems. Your daughter's contrite attitude would appear that she loves you and that she wants to do the right thing.

Peace, brother,

David
 
TJ you are a marvelous Dad. Your kids are very fortunate. It sounds like you were compassionate and did not put her down or blame her.

Your own emotions are sure natural--but a pain in the rear to have to deal with. If you have a strategy to calm yourself down, or to ground yourself it is important to do that. Remember feelings just happen. It sounds like you are controlling them well. I probably would have emptied the house of all our furniture--right through the front window! You have done well--and it is clear what a loving man you are that you adopted the children and that you are sticking with them through a dark time in their life.

Kudos to you friend.
Bob

Bob
 
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