My Childhood tell-tale signs of abuse

My Childhood tell-tale signs of abuse
G

Grunty1967b

Registrant
This recovery stuff is amazing in that you end up remembering things that were buried deep for so long. I remember as a young child of around 7 I acted out. Its pretty amazing to me that I did that but now I understand why.

I was in the school playground at lunchtime. There was a girl in my class who I wanted to befriend. Nobody else liked her and she was teased constantly at being overweight (compared to everybody else anyway). I can now recall what I attempted to do. I wanted to reach out and get her to like me. So, as an abused young boy (I has already been abused around 3 years by this stage) I knew how to get people to like me. I exposed myself by pulling down my pants. She screamed and ran away.

Anyway, that was not the reaction I was wanting. I can see in my childs mind that was how you reach out to get people to care for you. My perp brother cared for me by being sexual so I was just imitating. Amazing how CSA warps our thinking and responses hey?

Anyway, this girl was so distraught she dobbed on me and told our teacher, who told the principal who wrote a letter to my parents who then confronted me. What amazes me is that none of the adults here, not the teacher, the principal or my parents thought to themselves, why would a young boy do such a thing? Where would he get that idea from? I recall my parents asking me why I did it. I can remember my answer was along the lines of I just wanted her to like me.

I can see now that this was a symptom and an acting out of my abuse. Why couldnt anyone else see it? Maybe my parents didnt want to see it. Anyway, its not a grief point for me (maybe Im getting better). Its just something I now remember and go wow.
 
Hello again friend,

Glad you posted about that. It took some courage. It also got me to thinking. In the year 2005 teachers and administrators here in the US have a certain amount of training that can help them get the proper intervention for the child displaying signs of trauma like those you described.

30 plus years ago I'm not even sure such training was on the radar screen yet. Boys that acted out were "bad boys", and dealt with as such. I remember a boy exposing himself to me when I was in the first grade (I too had already been exposed to sexual activity by that age). I didn't scream and run away but by the same token I did not appreciate the attention. The teacher saw it happen and the child got himself a whipping with the rubber hose in the unused classroom next door. We could all hear what was happening through the closed door adjoining the two rooms. What a travesty! The child did not get what he needed. He just got more reinforcement that he was indeed a "bad boy". That seems to be the way things were dealt with then.

I'm glad you feel as if you are getting better. Continue with the hard work and the therapy. Be honest with yourself and it'll just keep getting better, one step at a time.

Courage my Friend,

John
 
Bruce,

You ask: "Why couldnt anyone else see it?" I often asked the same thing, wondering how it could be that I could be abused so often and for so long and my parents never figured out what was happening. That just intensified my feelings of being all alone of course.

When I disclosed to my parents last month this subject came up and I specifically asked my mother if she never wondered why I was "losing" underpants so often. I didn't ask in an accusing way; I just said that had bothered me as a boy. Her reply was that with three young children in the house she was running left and right all the time anyway and was constantly replacing items of underclothing for me and my sisters. At that time she had no reason to be alarmed or raise questions.

I bet it was that way all over bro. Until recently there just wasn't any awareness. I remember when I was a Boy Scout any adult could volunteer to help out and just the fact that he did so proved he was a good guy. We boys had never heard of child abuse, except for the usual "stranger danger" warnings. Now adult leaders in the Scouts have to be vetted and trained, there are strict guidelines, and every new kid gets a CD ROM with his Scout manual telling him about abuse issues and what to do if things go wrong.

It really IS a different time.

Much love,
Larry
 
"Why can't anyone else see it?"

The million dollar question. So much abuse would have been halted in its tracks if the caring adults had been more aware, more enlightened.
Peace, Andrew
 
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