My best friend?

My best friend?
S

sunset

New Registrant
I know that my best friend was sa'd by his father since he was a young boy, and that it was still going on last year.(He's 16 now.)
We lost touch recently because of other problems and every time we spoke he reassured me it had stopped and it was all back to normal.
But recently he's been getting into a lot of hard drugs and then he also suddenly dumped his girlfriend and refuses to let anyone hug/touch him. I'm worried that he's using the drugs as an outlet because it's started again or indeed never stopped. I've always been supportive for the last couple of years but I'm finding it really difficult to ask him about it again. After we stopped talking he made me promise never to bring it up again and that he just wanted to forget about it.
So my question really is, what would you do in my situation? Bearing in mind, that we've both been through bad stuff together in the last year and we both find it hard to still be on talking terms.
x
 
Sunset,

A lot of abused teenagers turn to drugs to cope with what happened to them; that's what I did 40 years ago! And fear of being touched is also a classic symptome of abuse.

If you fear that your friend is still being abused, then that's of course an extremely serious situation. He may feel trapped, ashamed and alone, with no way to stop what is happening to him. If I were his friend, I would talk to him and assure him that I fear for his safety and want to help him, and I don't blame him for anything that's happening. Tell him that you are still his friend and are there for him. Also, make sure he understands that you would NEVER tell anyone, at school for example, about this.

If you really do suspect that he is still being abused, then it has to stop. It really is that simple. There is a hotline called "Childline" that you can call, and they will take the details of the case and check it out. You will not be identified or dragged into it.

I see that you don't have any location shown on your profile, so I can't give you that information myself. But send a PM to "Scotty Todd", who is a professional therapist and the moderator in charge of helping teenagers on this site. Tell him where you live and he can advise you and get you the number to call.

As I said, this call is confidential and you will not be asked to identify yourself. It will be really difficult to make this call, but do give some thought to what is at stake.

Much love,
Larry
 
I haven't had the chance to speak to him yet, but I'd like to know what will happen if I do call childline or whatever. Will he have to go to court, or what if they don't find evidence because since last year their whole family situation is completely normal. I know when it was happening before he told me he was scared of telling anyone incase hsif ather sets other people on him because when he was younger he'd been sa'd by others too.
I'm always wondering what effects I'm having on him. Because sometimes he does a lot of stupid stuff, and it makes me angry and although I don't usually show anger at him but I think perhaps I'm not giving me a lot of support in areas such as drugs, mutilation or disease(He has HIV.) Is there anything I can do to help?
 
Sunset,

you are certainly in a hard place right now, and it is difficult to see any way out of this situation.

The worrying thing is these "others" who his father has associated himself with.

You do not say whether HIV was of abuse or drugs, but either way it is a huge burden he faces.
I suppose you could try childline but you must remain anonymous, as you promised never to tell.

The only way really is to keep him trusting you, but tell him that he can take all the time he wants.

I hope you can gain his trust, as others may be getting hurt also.

Let us know how things are going,

ste
 
I was in a simular situation with my own abuse until a few weeks ago. If you call one of those hotlines they can put give you some stratagies on how to help you friend. You will remain completely anymous if you choose to. I strongly encourage you to report your friends abuse. He might hate you for it in the short run but I think he will thank you in the long run. I think you have a moral obligation to report an child abuse you know of. Your friend is in a living hell right now. You can only help him. Also, think about all those men his dad shared him with. They are likely out there doing the same thing to other children. Please, do everyone a favor and report it.
 
Bill,

I can see your concern, it is also my concern, but she needs to find better help in dealing with this.

I dont know the safety issues surrounding this boy, but he is in some bad space right now.
Of course it should be reported, but she has given him her word that she could be confided in.

This is expert territory, and none of us can advise disclosure in this case until the mods who have experience of it, can see the best way forward.

Back to sunset, I believe childline is in the UK, but you might want to have an informal chat with swindon survivors, google it to find, and they may be able to give you some angle on approaching this issue safely.

Both for yourself, and this guy, you need expert advice, but keep it confidential for now to preserve his trust in yourself.

The family "going back to normal" is probably a mask he is using, but are there other kids in the house as well as him?

Does he have other family members who he can turn to, to keep him safe etc.
Hang in there,

ste
 
Sunset,

Bill is a teenager like yourself and he knows what a difference the call can make. You and your friend will be kept safe; your names will not be in the newspapers, and no one will know you made the call if you want to stay anonymous. Your friend will not be subjected to public humilation; he will be helped.

One number you can call in the USA from anywhere is the National Youth Crisis Hotline,
1-800-HIT-HOME (1-800-448-4663). This might be the very one Bill called. The people who work there know what they are doing and they will know you are frightened for both yourself and for your friend.

I would suggest calling them up, if you are in the USA, and they will reassure you and talk to you about what you can do next. This is at least a start.

Much love,
Larry
 
Hey, it's been ages since I came back on here because me and my friend fell out and he moved away etc.
Anyway I've been talking to him, and since he moved away he told me that he wanted to put his dad in prison for it but i know hes really worried about whether people will find out its him etc. or whether his dad will be in the news?
Could someone please explain the procedure to me.
He's told me a lot of what happened to him, and it's gone on for about 10 years of his life so it's gotta be pretty bad right?
thank you x
 
Your friend's name won't be in the news. Unless the case noteworthy it likely won't make the news at all. My case got a little bit of coverage becuase my perp was a scout leader. I get the impression some people figured it out but are to polite to say anything. Sometimes I act suspicious of people that are nice to me becuase I suspect they know. I'm not sure if they actualy know exactly what happened to me or are just concerned becuase of very obvious tailspin I've been in for the last several months.

Lest I digress...

Your friend is lucky to have someone like you. Be sure to stick by his side in the tough times ahead.
 
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