My abuser F **triggers**

Healing light

Registrant
Since his phone call asking me to visit him I have thought alot
He can cope less without his control of me than I can with my freedom and recovery
I don't feel sorry for him or sad for him at all it's just an observation that made me feel more in control of my situation
17 years he controlled me , I had to bow down to his demands what ever they may be .... When I disclosed I was accused of destroying my family fact is it was him , and him that never had any loyalty to family and as it lays in tatters with innocent people caught in the middle of it all he still only cares about himself
It's all he's ever cared about himself
He doesn't care
He has never cared
And he never will
About me or anything else....
Again I don't feel sad just more in control for the knowledge of that. others that remain blinded I hope they manage to see one day before he causes them any where near the heart break he's caused me and I fear for the people yet to meet him who won't know what he is.
The power he had , the control it's gone and he will realise when I don't go visit that he's not getting it back

And a new chapter in life for me has started one where I feel much more in control.
In more control of my own direction and my own self one of my first posts here I said I had no self control and I didn't I lived on impulse , in a circuit of self blame , shame , and quick fixes.
The work to stay present will continue and the walk away from the past will too
Before I didn't feel like the survivor label fitted me as I kept wanting to give up with the journey used tons of crap coping methods and couldn't see the future at all
I'm glad I gave healing one last shot , joining ms was part of that one last shot so I'm thankful that this space was created. I'm sure we all take something different away from ms in our journeys

So I'm at one of them times you feel like your turning a page but you don't know what is on the next one , your winging it big time but your full of hope , hope that this chapter is better than the last , the page is blank and it's up to me to write this chapter

Aiming to find compassion for myself that I find for everyone else walking there journey.

I'm a bit nervous taking control finally bit worried I'm going too fall flat on my face

Peace
HL
 
Very inspiring! Kudos to you for beginning to take back control. That is an AMAZING step and you should take pride in that. And seeking compassion for yourself if very important. It took me a LONG time to do that.
 

Healing light

Registrant
Very inspiring! Kudos to you for beginning to take back control. That is an AMAZING step and you should take pride in that. And seeking compassion for yourself if very important. It took me a LONG time to do that.
Thanks you
This has been years in the making taking back control of myself. Or realistically taking control for the first time
I bet finding the compassion is a long journey too , I'm trying to be patient with myself so things can take time I telling myself

Peace
HL
 
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