*Trigger* This song by bauhaus crossed my path after I was at University. A lot of music that I have come to listen, is from that era of desperation. A time long ago, yet, so driven into how I have thought of what helped open me to thinking, while I sought desperately to destroy thinking. That paradox seems easy to explain in my mind, seems that it should be obvious, in my mind.
Like, see, there's thinking... and then the "other thinking", that self derision, hidden, yet mockingly not hidden! I think one man saw this in me during University and accepted me? Syd, his nickname, seemed to get me? He was a protesting artist. I, nobody, adrift from wanting reality, living, like a lie. Seeing myself schismed, thinking so much, yet, unwilling and unable to act upon much of it.
So I smoked shit loads of pot, drank a lot of beer, and occasionally took acid.
bauhaus, a dark band, from an era of AIDS desperation, and little notice to the marginalized, sung lyrics I connected to. And feelings of being bullied, of having no outlet to see an end to my torments,
"Kick in the Eye aka Silent Hedges" fit the bill, where huge rage met self pity.