Music, and talk.

Ceremony

Staff member
@wgrrcb That IDLES share works for me. It reminded me of Lost Cross in Carbondale, Illinois, back in the late '80s. My buddy Tim took me, I can't remember if Jerry went too? Why wouldn't he, he must have? The bands that played in that basement were a big part of how I made my way into a new situation as a student, and having a partner who did so much damage. Ok, so I smoked too much pot, and had a few too many nights drinking, I know I wanted to listen to live music, and she despised me for it. The thing that threw me off about that, was that we went and danced quite a bit, and twice to edgy rock, near punk, just before it might have been called "alternative". She seemed to like to dance, and when she turned that off without notice, after nearing 3+ years, I rebelled. There was no way, when I was in a music town, that I wouldn't go and listen. It made me sad and rebellious. There was a lot of seriousness too, I thought I needed a degree to "make it"?! F'ing joke that was!

So, anyway, this is a tribute to basement music, Radiohead Live from the Basement.

 

Ceremony

Staff member
This song can be triggering if you listen to the lyrics, or read them. It's seemed to me to be about CSA.


I also think of this song after listening to the one above. These two have long been a part of the music I turn to. When I was getting high, at the time I found these songs, I didn't listen to where they fit with my past. It's been these 3 years that they've made a lot of sense to me.

 

Ceremony

Staff member
When the winding roads curve prevents seeing what's ahead, and forks present without knowing a certain destination, there's no wrong, there's just doing. Having foreknowledge isn't part of the human condition, we strive for stability in some sense, but we're not truly able to predict where the maze of life is going.



This one fills an old part of me from around '87- late 1990. A 4 year stretch of semi consciousness owing to an intake of pot that was not healthy to a human. I would drink beer if I was out of weed. This kind of enthralling sound was a constant, I had thousands of songs I could play. and I played the shit out of this song. The 'babies' reference seems to be motherhood, but that's my take. Here the Lyrics are posted after the video.


Lyrics
I'm seemin' to be a little alive
I'm happy again, caught, caught in time
Expose the daughter of yourself well
Me, I think that you're in her heart

You're the match of Jericho
That will burn this whole madhouse down
And I'll throw open like the wall, not safe
More like a love that's a bot-tle of exquisite stuff, yes

You, yourself, and your father
Don't know, so part in your own ways
You're really both bone setters
Thank you for mending me babies

You're the match of Jericho
That will burn this whole madhouse down
And I'll throw open like a walnut safe
You will seem more like being that same bot-tle of exquisite stuff
Yes, you are the match of Jericho
That will burn
This whole madhouse down and I'll throw
Open like the wall, not safe

You, yourself, and your father don't know
So part in your own ways
You're really both bone setters
Thank you for mending me babies
 

Ceremony

Staff member
"Easier To Go" by Linkin Park wasn't among my songs until about 2008. The song lyrics caught me as High School angst with a lot of depth. Deep to the point it hit triggers. I kept, and keep going back to it. Especially when I'm very angry, my tension has filled my body, and I need to feel the smashing of the depth. I want to feel angry, I really need it, it's an energy, it can energize me if I can direct it. That's why I'm writing here, and sharing the song. I'm like that, emotions flowing in song, and so much is really there in my head, but... yeah, anyway, here's the song.




I'm going to follow it up with Silversun Pickups "Lazy Eye", because his voice is cool. High school again.

I didn't have high school per-say. Forced out on my own after Junior year. I don't get this being with friends stuff. I was always alone, and it's hard sometimes to sit in my room alone. I can't go out, can't do anything else, so, yeah, the song.




There was that short time at University. Hmmm, I guess about 1987-1991, but didn't include most of '90-'91, so really the 3 years of '87-'89 I tried to hang out with 2 sets of friends. One guy who I was too pushy for some reason, and somehow, in some inexplicable way, he eventually tolerated me. It makes me cry. So, then the other set was for sure 2 guys, and then a few others who were more acquaintance, and I didn't hang with them. T and J would be so important, but, now out of my life. I don't think it's wrong so much, as it's that small time-frame that I recall. Reality, I was a huge pot-head. Smoking every and anytime I had it. And, I had it a lot for those 3 years. Never as much after, so I had to drink. I don't think T and J really knew me well, but T did a lot more than J. I miss T very much. So smart and so much more. Just thoughts, just thinkin'.
 

Ceremony

Staff member
To be curious, the best thing I've heard for a while! :cool:




Sweet disposition
Never too soon
Oh, reckless abandon
Like no one's watching you
A moment, a love
A dream aloud
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs
A moment, a love
A dream aloud
A moment, a love
A dream, aloud
So stay there
'Cause I'll be coming over
And while our blood's still young
It's so young, it runs
And won't stop 'til it's over
Won't stop to surrender
Songs of desperation
I played them for you
A moment, a love
A dream aloud
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs
A moment, a love
A dream aloud
A moment, a love
A dream aloud
Stay there
'Cause I'll be coming over
And while our blood's still young
It's so young, it runs
And won't stop 'til it's over
Won't stop to surrender
won't stop 'til it's over
(A moment, a love)
(A dream aloud)
(A kiss, a cry)
(Our rights, our wrongs) won't stop 'til it's over
(A moment, a love)
(A dream aloud)
(A kiss, a cry)
(Our rights, our wrongs) won't stop 'til it's over
(A moment, a love)
(A dream aloud)
(A kiss, a cry)
(Our rights, our wrongs) won't stop to surrender
Source: LyricFind
 

Ceremony

Staff member
This is poetic to me, there's a trigger in it.


Being a lost boy through these lyrics will mean different things. I don't have experience with dating that would offer me the version where this woman sings of attraction to "lost boys". My version, seeing through my eyes, goes to my loss in boyhood, and how my sensing of being loved when I was an adult only surfaced from faith. That faith holds tenuously, and it's going to be what I want it to be.

What I see of me is the lost life where being a man was imposed with an improbable result upon me. I wasn't man material. I've never been. I could barely stand up for myself in my early adult years, and that continued through to at least 40. I had to be trapped like an animal to be empowered to stand up for myself, and then only if my flight mode hadn't begun. Always flight mode, always retreat, no self worth, worth standing up for. So, being a lost boy, and seeing myself as a boy who wouldn't ever be a man, but without language to convey what that meant, I saw myself a coward, and total failure. That pushes one down into the depths of hopelessness.

There are flickers of my self love now, and with it, I find I examine what I've seen of myself, and how that might be shared. I don't know if anyone else could relate to this as intensely as I do? My extreme fixation on body dysmorphia, only ebbed by knowing that the language of non-binary actually fits me exactly. But, there-in lay irony. Being non-binary at 58 holds very little promise, and mostly, a fear that any attention to it poses a threat of derision. I know there are some supporters here, and I continue to explore these depths of myself among those who know the trauma that obstructed our lives.


Lost Boys
Still Corners: "Lost Boys"
There are boys
Like fading coals, lost souls
Switch blades in tribal ways
There's good and evil in their eyes
Lost Boys
I love those Lost Boys
Lost Boys
Where are those Lost Boys?
They're so lost in love
They're so lost in love
There are boys in the twilight zone, alone
Saints with sins and heroines
There's good and evil in their eyes
Lost Boys
I love those Lost Boys
Lost Boys
Where are those Lost Boys?
They're so lost in love
They're so lost in love
 

Ceremony

Staff member
Joy Division's Ian Curtis sang the original "Ceremony" I listen to almost every day, it's a part of what I am.


Soon after Ian's death, the remaining 3 members were out singing Ceremony,


Covers:

The Blackouts:

Radiohead:
 
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Ceremony

Staff member
Punk Rock! When my angst, especially at men got hold of me, I had and still do have, Punk Rock. The male sex has been a source of anger to me all my life. First the bullies, then other kinds of bullying in education, and then work. Power or words and position can seem to me, to give some men big heads. I'm on the level, and them, they're thinking they're above. So, I remember mosh pit, and flailing arms, grabby hands, grabbing hands, shoulders bang, knees up and foot down. With the men in the mosh pit, you're equal, not above anyone else. The music, punk rock, still brings it for me.

The anger, I can find it any time I want to. It's always waiting for me, and sparks fly.


And I'm not waiting, the adrenaline pumping, and arms are flailing


Legs spread, knees akimbo, feet inward, shoulder down, push the next, circle round and round

 

Ceremony

Staff member

Well I live with snakes and lizards
and other things that go bump in the night
'Cuz to me everyday is Halloween
I have given up hiding and started to fight
I have started to fight
Well any time, any place, anywhere that I go
all the people seem to stop and stare
they say 'Why are you dressed like it's Halloween?
you look so absurd, you look so obscene'
Oh, why can't I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that's served?
why can't they see they're just like me
it's the same, it's the same in the whole wide world
well I let their teeny minds think
that they're dealing with someone who is over the brink
and I dress this way just to keep them at bay
'Cuz Halloween is everyday
it's everyday
Oh, why can't I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that's served?
why can't they see they're just like me
it's the same, it's the same in the whole wide world
Oh, why can't I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that's served?
why can't they see they're just like me
i'm not the one that's so absurd
why hide it?
why fight it?
hurt feelings
best to stop feeling hurt
from denials, reprisals
it's the same it's the same in the whole wide world
 

Ceremony

Staff member
A band that's newer for me, and fits in this Punk genre for me. The sound is edgy enough, and I would be head banging, ready for some boot stomp, pump up the sound, and breath like a mad man. The energy I generated with these kept me in public. I had to have my anger outlet. It included beer and weed for sure. This was how I could keep level among people that pissed me off all day.

 

Ceremony

Staff member
Adrenaline by choice has been an anger strategy for decades. People want to f with whoever, for whatever, and when it's some offhand, I do what I wanna do, then, I, can, too! I would do a mosh again, just need a steel knee brace for my knee replacement. I'll push, shove and flail, burning inside to those heads like a hole, and can ride off on some stainless steel provider! Being a victim has made anger a source of energy and motivation for me. Men seem to have an insatiable head for manliness. An alpha status. Top dog. Big swinging D! And, me, my take; isn't suitable for the public.

 

Ceremony

Staff member
The higher ground, the head of the pack, sitting in the front pew, banging chest...
Betrayal, scapegoat me, looking how great that is, that huge soul of prosperity. Build it on sand, grains drain through your hand.
The decider, the head honcho, the bigwig, top dog, almighty alpha.
This came out when I was 28 or so, and I was still seething too often.
I drank a lot.
The pain of men taking over, doing whatever the hell they want, as if they're god!

 

Ceremony

Staff member
Yaz, is me in the very early 80's

Jane's Addiction is me in the later 80's

MBM techno synth in 1990

Mazzy Star in the early 90's

TLC songs for the middle 90's
 
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