Music, and talk.

Music, and talk.
TRIGGERS!!!!!
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The domestic abuse has me triggered beyond coping, I cry at anything, everything, all seems hopeless. To be is warped, in wanting so desperately to be, but kicked, then stomped on.

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Every Fall, but especially when I'm dealing with immediate issues, this song has a major impact on how I contemplate things. I know it's not a happy song, and I think that's my point.

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There's so much inspirational music here. A lot of releasing built up angst too.

This is one of those songs that tends to have a mixed message, but, I find it mostly going toward a better me.

For newcomers. I take the copy the url and from the address bar at the top of your browser (in most cases), and paste it into the "Youtube Video" link in the blue box icon of the tool bar in "Full Reply Screen". If you're not seeing the tool bar, either you're on your phone, and it's not compatible, or you still need to get into "Full Reply Mode". I hope that helps others to post Youtube videos that feel right for them?

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Wow. You’ve posted another staple of my high school days. When someone brought out “Electric”, their 1987 album, it meant a night of sneaking around trying to find a party at some girl’s house who was home from college. We were assured she definitely wanted high school juniors there. When the party didn’t work out, we settled for something else and drenched our frustrations with contraband rum and The Cult before sneaking back to campus with all the sobriety we could muster.

The Rolling Stone Album Guide calls The Cult’s music as “...essentially heavy metal for folks who think they’re above such things...” Spot on-lol.


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Will
 
This is the first time I've heard her voice. It reminds me of Mazy Star or Natalie Imbruglia. I'm enamored with this kind of voice, and I like the track with it.

I have very few good memories of childhood, but one is driving to my Old Grandparents, Old house, in an Old, small town. I saw strange things that I didn't know from the city and suburbs. It was the car ride down that this music brought me to. There was singing old songs my mom knew, and seeing letters on things to go through the alphabet. It was only about an hour, but that was a bit of a long time for 7,8,9 and so. During those years of the late 1960's, early '70s, I was alone a lot of the time. I didn't know anything, and didn't know whom is teaching me? School is a blur except some of 3rd grade in 1969, I played marbles sometimes, and saw the First Moon landing launch in class. That year is when the dream has it's origins. The one of me in a basement with other kids and stuff....

So, anyway, here's the song:

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The Spring and Summer of the year "it" happened (1977) I listened to this band often. I had bought a stereo and their latest album. I sang along. I never saw this broadcast, and definitely not in concert. Concerts are very rare for me, not by choice.

Here's why I like them, Rick on lead guitar and Bun on drums!

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My guess is few will understand why I get triggered by some pictures of men. I have body dismorphic disorder and there are things that trigger me, and I find them extraordinarily difficult to mention. I will post this song, because one of the only way to move forward with bdd is to expose oneself to what is making me uncomfortable. I don't know if anyone will get this?

I really have liked this song and listened to it on the radio at every possible occasion I didn't own the album. So, going back to 1979, this kind of song had some feeling that if I weren't whom I am, maybe I would go out to hear a local band. I was way too scared, and didn't attempt it until about 1983. I was with my girlfriend, who is now my wife. She's changed a lot! So have I.

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I've been doing the memory lane thing too Will. We do have a lot of overlapping musical taste. I like how you share what connects you to your partner. That's important.
 
I mentioned to Brother Mike "they call me the seeker", "they" don't, but it's a good song. I listened to it a lot, especially in the 1980's. It seems too coincidental that there's some personal reality to the lyrics.

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I've a major funky side and this will do it for tonight, but there are so many! Gettin' my groove on y'all

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Music and t.v. have long been my escape from all things to do with life. TRIGGER TODAY. THIS IS SAD, THIS IS EMOTIONAL, THIS ISN'T EASY.

Today, in therapy, we again looked at attachment, maybe some recall I mentioned trying one technique for EMDR toward "Loving Eyes". There's really not much on the internet about it, it will have things to do with finding self worth, feeling able to self satisfy needs, and the whole seems to get someone toward the ability to live alone.

There is a lot of therapy around attachment, and today, I discovered the depth of pain I'm ignoring. It's also stubbornly paralyzing my efforts. I sit, unable to care about myself. I wish no good to me. So, what song? There's got to be a song:

I read why Pink wrote this and it's about her childhood. Some of this makes sense to me. But, my dad all but disappeared after the divorce age 5, and didn't resurface until I was about 11. I never saw him, but he's the one who I went with when mom was done with me...

So, this is the only song making me crumble and cry about not attaching, being lonely, and therapy that's just hurting soooo bad.

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TRIGGER... it just is...
It's that inside, there's just nothing. What that is to me and I fumble to think what it means, how do I convey this numb, absence of me? I didn't belong. The little boy, where is he to be? No where.

So, I couldn't do today's session... I shook, I backed away, I rubbed my hands wanting to scratch my skin to blood!! It's toooooo painful, how in the hell does anyone go there?

There's more, but that internal dialogue isn't safe for anyone to read.

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It was a tough session, music for over an hour and I feel better...

This is a memory lane song... driving around stoned with this tape in the deck.

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I think this song triggers me, but that's just me. It's a put down to whatever it's directed at. There's something personal about this and I don't care what that means to the artist concerning this song. They sung this... and put it out. Sometimes I care what the artist thinks. Not this one.

So, why am I posting it... I don't want to say. I'm not sure that's Ok? Maybe I'm hurting someone else?

Yeah, so, I'll not be posting what I was going to in this space... But, Because I'm listening to it right this moment, I'm posting this.

Just am.
 
And, then, I can barely listen to this without...

Man! There's just...

can't!

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My mind goes to what safe mode is. When it's not to think... brilliant! Don't think! Where-ever that goes, what it is, how it is... that's where I am, and that's got to be Okay. Because it's me, and what is me; to be me, has to be Okay.

It has to.

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Would I care (yes), if the comfort, didn't comfort... no disgrace that choice; isn't! Believe that, there's a world in the mind, complex and disconcerting to explore. To see is to know there's a reason not to see.

I say this often, the mind is terrible. Though to be safe; and what that means to someone, where it feels, can seem to dissolve when losing sight of why something is the way it is. Why safe is there, and not................ here.

I had forgotten Dorian Gray, and that's probably good. The depiction of the painting,is TRIGGERING.


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I've spent years of my time driving aimlessly to nowhere, to do nothing. I always have music on, and maybe (back then) at least 20-60 tapes with me at any time. Most of the ones I loved were mixes. Pixies, Janes Addiction, Depeche Mode, NIN, J & M Chain, PiL, B.A.D., Pop Will Eat Itself, M.B. Manifesto (fav is Satyricon, and 99%, Skinny Puppy (pretty much love "Rabies"), Ministry, the Cure, New Order, Tones On Tail, L & Rockets, Souxsie, Joy Division, Front 242, KMFDM (I like UAIOE), the Flaming Lips, Cocteau Twins, YAZ (Upstairs at Erics), Public Enemy, Talking Heads, Beefers, and too many more, like Martini Ranch, from the first "Just Say" sampler, the second one - "Just Say Yo" I have them all. Martini Ranch "Hotdog" was supposed to be a laugh, and it has been for me.

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So, this very new music for me, the band "Motorcycle" has this song I took to immediately. Unlike "Hotdog" it picks up into what I just noted about driving around anywhere. I like this and am likely going to look for more of this band? It may not still be making music, this is from 2003.

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