MS and our future as survivors

MS and our future as survivors
R

roadrunner

Registrant
Markgreyblue got me thinking about how I as a survivor relate to this site, why I do what I do here, and how I see my future here. As usual, when I get to thinking I want to talk about it.

I have seen some guys come onto the discussion board and announce that they feel they have healed and they don't need this place anymore. They thank the group and are gone. In a way that's great. That particular guy is doing what he sees as best for him. That's what we all have to do.

Mark talks about an earlier step along the path of healing, and speaks of "stepping into a cold pool" when he relates to the "real world". I suppose stepping out into the real world, as it were, may feel like going out into a cold pool because it really IS the real world, a place where we have to take risks and face the real possibility of hurt all over again. But the real world is where everybody, including us, actually lives and where our future actually lies.

That said, as I proceed in my recovery I find myself heading not to a time where I pack up and say goodbye, rather I feel myself becoming ever more committed to this place. I still learn an incredible amount about myself, and I find that sharing with others seems to help both sides. It gives us a sense of fellowship and security that we perhaps need in the real world. Don't we all need safe people in our lives? I don't feel that my friends here are lesser friends because I know them only through this site, email, and so on.

I also feel a sense of obligation and opportunity here. Obligation because I remember what a disaster I was when I first came here - fearful of saying anything, ashamed of everything about me, afraid to face the truth about myself, and convinced that I was beyond help. I was pulled back from that dark place by guys who didn't know me from Adam and cared none the less. Opportunity because I see new guys coming in all the time, and they are in exactly the place I was when I showed up. I see brothers here asking questions that tortured me as well, but which I somehow now feel that I have resolved. Carrying on here gives me an opportunity to "pay it forward", as the saying goes.

I can envisage a time when I will be a healed survivor, but I will always be a survivor - I know that and I don't want it to be different from that. I don't see me walking away from this place. It has somehow become a part of me, a kind of element in the personality that I have developed as a survivor. I don't mean that I am becoming dependent upon MS, but rather that it rings true to me.

It's like sitting in a room full of old 1930s guitars. You give one of them a good solid strum and all the others begin to hum and resonate!

I don't know why I got onto this. Just some thoughts on a calm, quiet, sunny Easter morning, and I wonder what others have to say.

Much love,
Larry
 
I say "Your journey to this time and place is an example to us all." Your candor and integrity have been sources of great healing to many, many wounded brothers." As long as you continue to feel connected to this site, then beneficial energies will continue to flow in both directions, Larry.
At some point, it may become appropriate to move on - for you, or for any of us - little in this world is truly permanent. But for now, at least, I plan to hang around and I am very glad that you seem to feel the same way.
Happy Easter, brother.
Love, etc.,
 
Keep shining Larry!

Only when you have resurrected your own spirit can you understand why you need reach out to others who are at the same place as you were once. That is when you become a channel of light to allow others to reach where you are, and there is no greater joy to see someone cross the threshold, you once did; as it only means more light for you and for the world.

:)
 
Larry,

Can you hear me resonating? :) My whole being is just twitching and vibrating in rhythm with what you've said. (for those of you who took that to mean anything other than what I meant it to mean, GET YOUR MIND OUTA THE GUTTER!)

Lots of love,

John
 
i agree that if i ever get any kind of understanding about the effects of abuse i would be obligated to stay and hopefully be able to reach out to someone who needs me as much as i need this site,hey this is family ,we may grow up but family will always be family .larry i have seen lots of posts that only get one reply and it is always from you ,imagine how those people would feel if you had not responded?because of you they were not alone ,when i first came here you were the first one standing with your hand out to me . thanks for all youv'e done and will continue to do here adam
 
wow...you have helped me so much on different occassions, so i can definatly say that i am thankful that you have stayed here at the site. and you know what? just because some people here (like me) look up to you for answers and advise, that doesn't mean that you have to always be strong. you can always turn to us for help and answers too.
 
Larry I was one of those guys you talked about and I found myself back in here a week or so later. I think that it was volume overload and this site had me thinking so much that I needed a break. However I also needed to talk so I had to come back and all I can say is we need you like we need everyone here, we support each other and with out eachother the site is just a web page. All of you have helped in many ways and Larry replies to almost every post if not all post and I can say that I am thankful for your dedication.
 
Larry,

Your responses/support to my posts and your responses to so many posts have been extremely helpful. You need to do what is right for you. What I would want you to consider though is the following. Extending your passion to help on this board to the external world around you. What does this mean? All sorts of things ... as long as you are ready for them. Staring a support group, organizing speakers, helping with legislation, volunteering for crises centers or organizations that active about preventing abuse, big brother to an abuse boy. I raise this because I hope that I can get to a place that besides my support group that I can reach out and help other survivors or prevent the abuse. Something to consider ... when your ready.

Also-many of the biggest steps in my recovery have come from interpersonal face to face "real world" interaction. I've heard one expert state that true recovery only happens in interpersonal face to face interaction (i.e. with a therapist, support group, disclosing to loved ones). I don't necessarily agree that this is "true recovery" but there is something to be said for the huge benefit of doing recovery work in interpersonal relationships.

Personally in regard to this board. I find myself coming back to the board every 5 days. While I intend to extend that to more days, I still intend to return. I can imagine times in the future when I will return daily ... possibly when I'm ready to confront my abusers. It is nice to know that I can come here if I really need to.


Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality
 
Larry,

I think that we all find our own way to contribute and grow. I can tell you this I know that your responses to my postings have made me feel like I am growing and healing. I know that I have been blessed by this place and to have people like you support me. You role here will become clearer as time passes but I hope and pray that you are among my friends for a long time to come.

Jaay
 
Larry
do they call that thing when guitars 'hum' sustain?

I seem to remember that from 'Spinal Tap'

Whatever, what we get is a kind of 'sustain' as well, we sustain our lives.

Dave
 
Dave just remember - you don't get maximum sustain until the amp is turned up to 11 (1 louder).

As for being fully healed and leaving here!?

You cannot see my scars, but they will always be there, under the surface! Somedays I will want to be here, somedays I will not. Don't think I'll make an announcement one way or another!

Best wishes ...Rik
 
Dave,

do they call that thing when guitars 'hum' sustain?
Click to expand...
Yep. A great guitar will sustain for a minute if you let it! Pluck a string, set the guitar down, and all the other guitars in the room will begin to hum along, same note or a harmonic.

Rather like this place. ;)

Much love,
Larry
 
Born to Resist,

Thanks for your suggestions. I am a university teacher so I deal with young people more or less all the time. And for 25 years as of this June!

I was decisively influenced my a teacher who cared about students, and it may be he saved my life. I have always sought to follow his example in that, and that has got me into a lot of activities with students in places I have taught.

It's mainly helping out with things like alcohol and drug abuse, broken relationships, problems at home, and physical and sexual abuse. They come in needing to talk, and I always have coffee and cookies on hand. ;) Usually it's just a matter of referring them to the proper university office or local support agency for the problem they are having, accompanying them the first time they go if they are embarrassed or ashamed, keeping track of them and asking how they are doing, things like that.

Much love,
Larry
 
Larry,

I can't imagine how you possibly have a life outside of MaleSurvivor. All the posts and replies have to take up megahours of your time. When I think how much of that time you have spent on me, I am humbled. Thanks Larry, you are very much appreciated.

I too see myself staying here for a very long time. I probably will never spend as much time or reply to as many post as you do Larry. However, I cant see myself going elsewhere and leaving my family behind. This is a brotherhood we have here, symbiosis at its finest.

Love ya

Darrel
 
I'm going to join the chorus and extend to you my thanks. Without the encouraging posts of yourself and several others I doubt I would have ever found the courage disclosed to my parents. It's been tough since then but you always had an encouraging word even when I felt really down.
 
Brothers,

I am stunned and humbled by all your replies and comments about me personally. Thank you so much. I wasn't aiming for that when I started this thread; it was just a quiet Easter morning and I was thinking about this place, how it has helped me, how I have developed a positive persona for myself as a survivor, and what I see myself doing as a survivor in the future. I thought I would ask what others think not about me, but about their own cases. I guess I didn't say that very clearly.

Kurt, you are quite right about the need to admit weakness and ask for help when we need it. That applies to me more than you think bro! There are quite a few guys here to whom I am deeply indebted, and I hope I have told them that frequently enough so they know who they are. :)

Much love,
Larry
 
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