moving house, new chapter?
dark empathy
Registrant
Well this is a place I never thought I'd be at, contemplating getting my first real, honest to goodness house with my wife, ---- or at the least renting one.
Of course the reason for this is fairly simple, that for so many years I never imagined having someone who would want to share her life with mine and it still amazes me each morning someone does, but to get to the point of getting a place that will be ours from the seems rather fantastic to me, something unreal. Like my wedding and honeymoon it feels like something I've stolen from someone else's life, as though it was one of those dreams I used to have where I'd realize I'd met the person who was everything I always wanted just at the same time I'd realize I was dreaming and then wake myself up by crying.
Still like my wedding it's definitely happening.
That also means moving out of this flat I've been in for the last 10 years ever since I moved out of colidge, mostly few my recovery.
That actually feels right to me. I said to my lady that only a few of the ghosts I have of being here are happy ones. Sometimes I feel all those sleepless nights and pointless days have sunk into the walls here, and yet ironically this is where I first found someone who loved me, ---- hell this is the place I actually first made love.
Of course, things are a bit scary in one sense since we're also moving cities from Durham in the north to Newark in the midlands which is pretty central and easy to get anywhere from, then again most of my friends left here anyway and moved elsewhere so it's not as if I'm leaving too many people behind (and it's only an hour from here on the train if I do need to come back).
Oh and Btw, to anyone only familiar with the American Newark, no Newark here is a small, quiet market town, not a huge city, indeed in terms of size Durham and Newark are relatively similar, though the location in Newark is rather easier if you don't have a car than where I am in Durham being a shorter walk to shops, train station etc, plus a slightly prettier area since I'm going from admittedly a very green and pleasant road but one slap bang next to Durham prison, to a busier road opposite the river Trent and Newark castle.
What is odd for me is just of how mixed up my feelings leaving my flat here are, since it seems at the same time I've been stuck here, and yet it's been almost a haven. I sometimes felt that I was here forever, that I'd never find a chance to go anywhere else or do anything else, yet at the same time I have felt safe here.
I can't even say I expect to be doing different things or finding more friends or the like in Newark, it's just prettier, more spacious and more convenient, and yet I can't help feeling over all really good about this since it's not something I ever imagined happening. The idea of an actual house, not a tiny upstairs flat, but an actual house with a front door which is ours, ---- or at least which we can rent on a probably permanent basis (especially a rather quirky Georgian cottage), is an extremely nice one and I do hope I'm able to lay at least a few behind me here.
Luke.
Of course the reason for this is fairly simple, that for so many years I never imagined having someone who would want to share her life with mine and it still amazes me each morning someone does, but to get to the point of getting a place that will be ours from the seems rather fantastic to me, something unreal. Like my wedding and honeymoon it feels like something I've stolen from someone else's life, as though it was one of those dreams I used to have where I'd realize I'd met the person who was everything I always wanted just at the same time I'd realize I was dreaming and then wake myself up by crying.
Still like my wedding it's definitely happening.
That also means moving out of this flat I've been in for the last 10 years ever since I moved out of colidge, mostly few my recovery.
That actually feels right to me. I said to my lady that only a few of the ghosts I have of being here are happy ones. Sometimes I feel all those sleepless nights and pointless days have sunk into the walls here, and yet ironically this is where I first found someone who loved me, ---- hell this is the place I actually first made love.
Of course, things are a bit scary in one sense since we're also moving cities from Durham in the north to Newark in the midlands which is pretty central and easy to get anywhere from, then again most of my friends left here anyway and moved elsewhere so it's not as if I'm leaving too many people behind (and it's only an hour from here on the train if I do need to come back).
Oh and Btw, to anyone only familiar with the American Newark, no Newark here is a small, quiet market town, not a huge city, indeed in terms of size Durham and Newark are relatively similar, though the location in Newark is rather easier if you don't have a car than where I am in Durham being a shorter walk to shops, train station etc, plus a slightly prettier area since I'm going from admittedly a very green and pleasant road but one slap bang next to Durham prison, to a busier road opposite the river Trent and Newark castle.
What is odd for me is just of how mixed up my feelings leaving my flat here are, since it seems at the same time I've been stuck here, and yet it's been almost a haven. I sometimes felt that I was here forever, that I'd never find a chance to go anywhere else or do anything else, yet at the same time I have felt safe here.
I can't even say I expect to be doing different things or finding more friends or the like in Newark, it's just prettier, more spacious and more convenient, and yet I can't help feeling over all really good about this since it's not something I ever imagined happening. The idea of an actual house, not a tiny upstairs flat, but an actual house with a front door which is ours, ---- or at least which we can rent on a probably permanent basis (especially a rather quirky Georgian cottage), is an extremely nice one and I do hope I'm able to lay at least a few behind me here.
Luke.
.
