mothr - hospital

mothr - hospital
T

Trevor

Registrant
my mothr is getting out of
the hospital AGAIN i guess
this weekend. saterday i think
shes gonna wanna see me and
shes gonna want me to go ovr
there and visit and all that
i dont wanna have nothing to
do with her. but i feel bad if
i tell her that cuz shes gonna
cry and cry and make me feel bad
sarah said she would talk to
her and if i want maybe they can
come up w a deal that she can come
here and visit with me when she wants
to but it would hafto be when eithr
sarah or brad r home with me
this is like the millionth time she
got clean an sobr and when shes like
this shes realy cool and we get along
good but i know its only a little while
till she starts drinking and drugs
again. i dunno what to do. i love her
and i hate her. i want her around if shes
clean but i dont want nothing to do with
her when shes drunk. i wanna send her that
lettr but when shes sobr she has no idea
what she even does so she would read it
and be shoked. then shes gonna feel real
bad and get depresd and then start drinking
again then its my fault. AND i hate
this cuz i keep remembring my stepfathr
yelling at her and calling her a
slut and a whore and beating the shit out
of her then she was gone and he did it to
me cuz it was my fault she left and my fault
shes a slut and all that and i keep
thinking and thinking
and it makes me hate her ALOT
 
Trev,

In what I have to say here I hope you can see that I am not judging your mother. I know you love her, and I know she has problems and does things because she gets high or drunk.

BUT ... right now what you need is a stable, caring, safe home environment that will give you the courage, determination and strength you need to recover and heal. What I mean here is that YOUR needs right now are the ones that need to be met, not those of your mother.

What do Sarah and your T say about this? It seems to me that perhaps if you have, say, ten minutes with your mother, with Sarah right there with you, that would be okay. You can greet her and wish her well and say whatever you want to encourage her.

But it isn't the job of an abused teenager son to help out his mother with her drug and alcohol dependencies. It is not fair for anyone to ask you to summon up the emotional resources to face this kind of task. Right now the emphasis needs to be on what TREVOR needs. And frankly, dealing with your mother is NOT one of those needs.

Much love,
Larry
 
ya i know its not rite
but im the only person
she has
 
Trev,

Yes I understand that, but the problem is rather more complicated. I can tell you from personal experience that someone with serious alcohol and drug problems cannot be saved by another person's love, concern or presence. The person with the problem has to WANT to deal with the problem and has to specifically choose their life and loved ones over the drugs and drink.

Those are hard decisions, and very often they are problems that have to be faced alone, or with professional help. For example, the person with the problem may feel they look hideous or disgusting, so seeing someone they love in that condition can really upset them.

It's a very difficult issue Trev, and like I said, no one here will tell you that you shouldn't care for your mother. It's just that at this particular time it may be better to be concentrating on yourself. YOU deserve to recover as well, you know.

All this might be an issue to talk about with your T, who can give you a lot clearer idea of what's going on than I can.

Much love,
Larry
 
i hate my therapist an i
dont wanna talk to him about
shit! and i hate her to and
she can go fuck herself
infact evryone can!
 
I remember feeling like that so many times Trev, and there was always a reason for me being so angry. Something in particular that was bothering me that day. Do you want to talk about what's on your mind? If so, go for it.

Much love,
Larry
 
nobody evr cared enuf to
ask me if something
was going on
 
Trev,

Yep, that one sucks for sure. I remember that feeling from when I was being hurt. It was incredible. I would come home and go upstairs and look in the mirror and think, "It happened ... again!" I felt so ashamed and I wanted to crawl out of my own body. Then I would go downstairs with the rest of the family, and they would be talking complete bullshit about a TV show or do we have ice cream, etc. I wanted to scream, "Why can't any of you SEE!!!???"

But they didn't. And that was the fact of it. Sometimes adults or safe family members just don't SEE the signs that ought to signal that something big is wrong. There WERE times that my mother in particular got concerned and did ask me what's up. But I would freak out, totally afraid now they will know and I will get thrown out of the house (like the abuser said), and I would just say "Nothing" and try to get away as fast as I could.

This isn't something you have ever mentioned Trev, but I know when I was being abused my number one priority was that no one should discover this. I became an absolute expert at covering things up: inventing explanations, dashing into the shower like lightning, throwing away underwear, etc. And even if they had sat me down and DEMANDED that I tell what's bothering me, I doubt I could have done it. There were times I wanted to tell my sister Cathie ("The Rock"), but I never could. I just did NOT have the words. What was happening was too terrible, and I was too ashamed, too scared, too confused.

I'm just saying all this to suggest that while we often feel exactly as you do now, the situation at the time was usually a lot more complicated. Yes, maybe one problem was that no one cared enough; I don't know enough about your case to say much about that. But at the same time there were lots of other problems as well.

Even saying all that, however, the other side of this is that yes, you did DESERVE to be protected. The fact that the protection wasn't given doesn't change the fact that you deserved to be kept safe.

Much love,
Larry
 
Yep, it feels really bad and sometimes there just isn't a lot more that can be said.

Much love,
Larry
 
Do you have specific things in mind here?

L.
 
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