Mother's Day

Mother's Day
As a man who was used by his mother throughout my early childhood to give her orgasms.... and forced to watch as she used my brother from the age of a toddler until about 8 years old to orally stimulate her - well, I just became nauseated by the thought of my "mother" - repulsed by what she made us both do. I absolutely cannot stand all this BS about how everyone is supposed to love their mother... believe me I get it - my wife and I have two sons and 3 grandchildren and I want them to love their mother and grandmother - but for some reason when I hear or read all the BS about how everyone should love their mother while she is still here... I just turn a deaf ear... and think these people are ignorant and blessed to not know that some "mothers" are downright evil. Maybe you guessed that I don't like "Mother's Day" and I am sure many feel the same about Father's Day... guess we all have our hang ups.... Just wanted to say that as it is that time of year again when I must listen to this crap about Mother's Day. Forgiveness has always been my goal... but if I ever have to visit her grave again, it will be to spit on it.
 
Funny, I always had difficulty when picking out a card for my mother for Mother's Day... not aware at the time of the things she'd done when I was an infant that so destabilized me and set me on my unhappy life journey. Since I've not had children of my own I don't have women in my family, as you have, who offer a different flavor of motherhood. I do know women who've been remarkable mothers and I can give them their due.

When my mother died and a friend commiserated with me before I flew cross country for the funeral, I told him I was bringing a wooden stake with me. He gasped. But it was like that for me. I wanted to stay after the internment to make certain they covered the casket with dirt. I've noted to friends that the side of my body that faces the state where she lived has finally relaxed. That is the truth.

A good mother can make all the difference in our security and safety. A bad mother can ruin our lives. A good mother doesn't need to be perfect... just good enough. Our mother's weren't good enough IA. You can celebrate your wife and forget about the woman who gave birth to you. You can call her whatever you want...
 
I've always felt very insincere around the holidays, including mother's day, because I feel pressured to echo the sentiments of others that I do not share. The bottom line is my mother was and is a selfish, manipulative and self-centered person. I have no idea why she wound up this way. it doesn't seem to be true of her siblings. Growing up as I did, I reacted by always being more concerned about others than I am myself, even to the point where it has hurt me.

I envy those people who have strong families. It must feel wonderful to be connected and share the memories of childhood, even the awkward and somewhat painful ones, without the awful shadow of abuse poisoning everything.

This year I felt relief that I am working Saturday and Sunday and seeing my mother on mother's day was completely out of the question. I sent flowers and a card and feel I got off lucky. But what a horrible way to be. Why do I view the lack of a negative as a positive?

Thank you for sharing what you did. It's given me good food for thought and I am truly sorry for what your mother subjected you to. I realize you had it worse in that regard than I did when it comes to mothers. I was never abused by my mother, but was neglected by her and handed over to a pedophile by her. I can understand the depth or your anger and disgust, though I'm sure abuse coming directly at the hands of your mother carries a degree of anger that I won't quite fully get right.

Stay well.
 
Don't diminish the trauma you experienced at the hands of your mother Dan. Neglect can be almost as damaging as overt mistreatment since infants rely on their mothers to find security in those tiny bodies and safety in the world. That happens only through the intimate dance that happens between mother and child. When that doesn't happen we're fucked. Add to that you mother turned you over to a pedophile and the picture is complete. My mother didn't do that explicitly, but I was so frightened by her that I was easy prey for the pedophiles living next door. Your mother is as much your abuser as was my mother. And yes, I spent a lifetime being a dutiful son while my own life was a hell realm because of the residue of trauma I carried. This is what we do... until we're able finally to do our healing work... which is what Male Survivor is all about. Conversations like there are essential to all of us. Thanks for sharing your experience.
 
I'm celebrating with "Mommy Bear". I know "she" is technically just an inanimate object but to me she's the most loyal "person" throughout my life
 
Rough day for those of us who have mothers who did not do what mothers are supposed to do

I am lucky that over the past 20 years I have had a few women who have shown me what a "Mother" should have been - I chose to celebrate them today
 
I'm celebrating with "Mommy Bear". I know "she" is technically just an inanimate object but to me she's the most loyal "person" throughout my life

I'm so glad you have her. I have a wolf puppy who has been my friend in a similar way.
 
She put a hunting rifle to her chest and pulled the trigger with her toe, when I was one and a half.

Or so I was told. But so little more. No memory of her, at all. No photos, except one, of her headstone, in an unknown cemetery.

It became very clear and easy to put together. His (my father's) overbearing, manipulative ways pushed her into that fateful decision. He may even have had a hand in it.
He spent many a year trying to silence me. But with three (suspicious) family deaths already in his hands, it wouldn't have been a wise career move.

So, although I recluse myself from Mother's Day celebrations every year, for the obvious of reasons, I still honor her, even sign her maiden name to my artworks.

I salute her.
 
I struggle with this but in a different way i guess. It is part of what is a major issues of my internal conflict. I know it is terrible to say this but it is how i think, i wish my mom had been mean to me at least then i could probably hate her. My childhood (at least in my mind) was not terrible. Irronically my mother was o me the kindest person to me, caring and compassionate to my issues like be a bedwetter, shy, scared of the night, vomiting nightly when starting 7th grade due to fear. Yet things crossed a line, i know that. I did push her and well all my family away as i got in to my 30’s. Was easy as i moved further adn further away from them. I now think though i did that not do that sold for me due to the past. but because i also felt they woulled see me as a bad person I think in part due to being gay, due to be addicted to sex and memories. Plus i think there is also this part in which i should not like her due to the past even though i truly do not see her as the terrible person.

I am rambling i guess what i am trying to say I think i would like to become more engaged again though i still feel uncomfortable talking with her in general. I could not and have not sent a card in may years just a txt message like yesterday. Sad to say it messes me up for other reasons.
 
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