Mother Issues Day

[FormerTexan]

Here we go again, with another year where that one day out of the year mothers are celebrated and praised. In reality, many mothers should be. Many were good mothers who loved and cared for their children. They were good to them, supportive, inquiring about their lives and their discoveries.

Then there are those who were abusers, perpetrators. There are those who are the reason we sought places like this to start with. Countless Facebook memes posted praising mothers, and I personally want to call out each and every one of them. But I can't. It would take away from their due praise and genuine love for the mother, and I don't want to spoil that. There are also other family members and friends on Facebook that I don't want to disillusion regarding my mother, no matter how true it would be.

Talking about this every year can feel a bit like Goldie Hawn's character in the movie Death Becomes Her, where in group therapy she always, ALWAYS, talks about the woman who her husband left her for: Madelyn Ashton. It was driving her fellow group mates absolutely nuts.

So for those of you who had a perpetrator for a mother, I feel for you. I know that today does not carry the same meaning for you that it does others. When my mother was alive, I mustered a 2-minute phone call every year, then moved on with the day. I did my "son-ly duty." All the rest of the days of the year, I get to count what she cost me.

What I would rather spend today's gratitude on are those who have listened to me over the years and have been supportive. You are the true heroes of my life for this day and others, those who helped me walk when I needed you. Thank you.

 

[payne]

Very well said!

 

[zookeeper]

Here, here!!!!

 

[Suwanee]

((((Andy))))

As you state here very well, I know this day is difficult for you and many others. Although my own angst comes from other quarters, I understand your words.

Will

 

[TJ jeff]

I hear ya Andy,

I got to start my mothers day out in church listening to a sermon about how special mothers are -and all I could think of was what would he say if he knew how "special" my mother was when I was a young child...

I did do the son-ly duty in taking her out for a family meal Saturday and both myself and Evie gave her cards. I think she had a good day.

Yesterday was spent with my wife and her parents. sadly my wife spent the day with a migraine so I do not think it was as good of a day for her as I was hoping it would be - but I am sure that her mother had a good day

the differences between the families are as different as day is from night - in some ways it is good to see the differences - in other ways it hurts...

 

[C. E.]

[size:17pt]([/size]((Andy))[size:17pt])[/size]

My heart is with you, my friend. Perhaps the closest I can relate is imagining there was a "Big Brother Day" and I saw everyone celebrating their big brothers who were loving and appropriate. I suppose I would be sitting quietly on the fringes of that celebration, feeling isolated and disconnected - and maybe even a bit jealous.

It took me so very long to separate who I am from what happened to me. That sounds trite perhaps - but I suspect it is true for you as well. The sentence you shared in which you "mustered" that phone call to her every Mother's Day tells me that your efforts to be a good son were not conditioned upon her being a good mother. It tells me your code of integrity was different than hers - and that ultimately what she did to you may have defined your struggle - but it did not define you. I hope you can find some peace with that. In fact, I hope you can find the pride in that.

As you express your gratitude to others here, I express mine to you. While you claim that many here may be heroes in your life, the fact is that you are a hero in my life. Some of us rise from the ashes of our abuse and become something special to others. Your friendship has been that for me.

 

[bluesky]

((((Andy))))

 

[FormerTexan]

Thank you you all for the kind words. They do mean a lot to me, so much.

Andy