mother/emotional incestor leaves

[bec]

hello men:

days ago i posted here on my mother/emotional incestor returning to the town i live in. i can't find that post so i started this one.

well, she need be on a train home right about now i am GRATEFUL to say. whenever she comes around suffering follows. my suffering and that of others.

i tried to limit my time around her, to set healthy boundaries. i am sorry to say i called her one evening to give her the chance to "speak to me about some things" as she said she wanted to. it turned out to be a mistake. we talked about the past. we became angry. it was a complete waste of time.

she refuses to take responsibility for the wrongs she has committed. she insists on staying in denial. i attempted to give my best. i realized it was futile and ended the conversation.

she said she will call me once she arrives home. i really do not want to hear from her. if she calls i pray my God will give me the strength to be my best, not abusive.

i do not hold out hope that she will change. she will turn 60 in 3 months. i surrender her to my God and let go. i can do no more.

that is all i have men. thanks to those who read my earlier posts and offered advice. sincerely,


bec

 

Bec,

All in all, I think your attitude about this is something to take pride in. That you realize you can't change her, but leave that to your Higher Power.

Look back and ask yourself "Would I have been able to hold up so well six months ago? A year ago?"

Still being new to recovery, I have to look for the little changes. And there are some. So every now and then, I can exchange one of the boulders from my past for a little nugget of recovery. Fair enough trade!

Marc

 

[heart]

Hi Bec

I have been reading all your posts about your mother's visit and I feel for you.

I was incested by my mother as well and I find the whole situation repugnant and disgusting. Like your mother mine refuses to even address the issue, and as far as she is concerned there is nothing wrong with her.

I remember when I used to go and visit her, the day before I would end up in hospital in the outpatient department with a major panic attack. I had no idea at the time why this was happening. And after visiting her I would invariably get drunk and have lots of anonymous and abusive sex to numb the pain.

I am not quite sure what to say apart from keep sharing what is going on for you over the next few days as this is always a dodgy time.

Good to hear from you
Heart

 

[Leosha]

Bec,

You have done a very good job. You realize you can not change her, and the odds of her changing on her own are slim. And you sound quite accepting of it. Good for you.

Leosha

 

[bec]

dear men:

thanks for your replies to my post. i appreciate your comments and concern. my sister told me that our mother returned home last Wednesday evening. i am glad to say she did not call me. i really had nothing else to say to her. i am glad she reached her destination safely. that is all.

we wish her well. we believe wishing ill upon another can bring no good. we must accept her for who she is and not expect her to change. this is the best way.

that is all men. let's all be good to ourselves.
sincerely,


bec